


the rumors follow you from Monday all the way to Friday dinner

by vettelian19



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Auston is still a hockey player, Gender Dysphoria, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Most of them are, Trans Male Character, the others are soft baker boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2019-10-15 15:32:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 46,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vettelian19/pseuds/vettelian19
Summary: But at the end of the day when Mitch is waiting again in the snowfall for a bus that is already delayed by at least 15 minutes, he can only really blame his disaster of a day and bad mood on one thing.Auston Matthews, his stupid smile and his stupid hair and most importantly – the stupid words that left those stupidly nice lips of his.It's not one thing but that's not the point Mitch is trying to make here.





	1. Mitch has a bad day

Mitch’s day didn’t start out as a disaster but it sure as hell ended as one.

He was up early because the biggest downside of working for a bakery is definitely the pastries that have to be in the oven by 5 am the latest. But he is used to the 4 am wake-up and he actually went to bed at a reasonable-ish time the day before. So he drinks his morning (or dawn) coffee and heads out onto his 5-minute walk to the nearest bus stop and then suddenly, without him even noticing at first, his whole day just goes to hell.

And Mitch desperately wants to blame this on someone else – the bus driver who yelled at him for making him wait at the bus stop or the rude customer who asked him to remake his damn latte three (!) times because he didn’t believe that Mitch actually used stupid soy milk instead of the regular one. Or Zach, his stupid co-worker who he had to cover for basically half the afternoon because he forgot to turn in one of his assignments and ended up hiding away in the staff room typing away on his Mac like a madman. Or Mo, who wasn’t even in for the day but left Mitch an extensive list of to-do’s on the counter… like sure, Mitch likes doing the chalkboard design but it takes time – which he most certainly did not have after the whole Zach-not-working and rude-customer-can-shove-it-where-the-sun-does-not-shine situations.

But at the end of the day when Mitch is waiting again in the snowfall for a bus that is already delayed by at least 15 minutes, he can only really blame his disaster of a day and bad mood on one thing.

Auston Matthews, his stupid smile and his stupid hair and most importantly – the stupid words that left those stupidly nice lips of his.

It's not one thing but that's not the point Mitch is trying to make here.

*

The thing is, Mitch didn’t even recognize him when Auston stepped into Mo’s Bakery – he barely even registered that someone came into the shop. He was preoccupied by another customer who, of course, just came in for a caramel macchiato and not for some baked goods.

Mitch spends a good amount of his time actively trying not to be an asshole because he knows he can come off as one. But how on Earth can anyone come into a bakery and then promptly ignore all the pastries and yummy breads that Mitch spent his whole morning making? If you want a coffee, just go to one of the thousands coffee stores in the same street – that’s literally the logical thing to do, why can’t people be logical?

And like Mitch knows that Mo purchased that damned fancy coffee maker for exactly this reason. After all it’s not a coincidence that he’s the business owner and not Mitch (though that’s probably mostly due to the lack of money on Mitch’s part) – he knows how to make good decisions for the bakery and if that includes selling more coffee than actual pastries and bread then that’s exactly what Mo does. 

It still drives Mitch up the wall. His pies and muffins are probably the best in town and no one seems to care about it.

Anyway, the point Mitch is trying to make here is that Auston fucking Matthews spends a couple a minutes going completely unnoticed in the bakery when the customer before him finally pays for her coffee and leaves without even saying thank you, already chatting away on her phone.

"Rude," murmurs Mitch and when he goes to wipe away the sweat starting to form on his forehead (baking is hot, okay?), he finally spots him.

Oh God. That’s Auston Matthews, right in front of him.

He’s wearing an expensive-looking overcoat and a simple black beanie and there are actual snowflakes starting to melt into his hair that peak out of his hat, and his beard looks a bit scruffy like he was supposed to shave but forgot about it and…

So Mitch knows that he has a type. And he knows that at least 60% of why he actually follows hockey, has to do with the fact that if he had to draw up his type and the average hockey player, the two would overlap in a significant area.

He’s still not prepared for the butterflies that start to go crazy in his stomach, so it’s a small miracle he actually proceeds to open his mouth and say:  
"What can I get you?"

Auston occupied himself with looking at the pastries on display while Mitch finished up with the previous customer so for a short insane second the only thing that comes to Mitch’ mind is ‘oh my god, Auston Matthews is about to taste one of my muffins’ which is probably the stupidest thing that Mitch has ever gotten excited about. But it’s Auston Matthews, and again, no one seems to care about his muffins and this would…

"Can I get a medium Americano with an extra shot?"

And Mitch does not know if it’s because his day has already been quite shitty or that he momentarily lost his mind but the thing he answers manages to take even him by surprise.

"God, what is wrong with my muffins?"

For a second, Auston and Mitch just stare at each other, both befuddled by what Mitch just said.

"I’m sorry, I should not have…" Mitch starts to say and at the same time Auston goes: "My diet plan doesn’t…"

And then both of them go silent again at the same time, and can the Earth just swallow Mitch quickly please?

"I’ll get your coffee right away, sorry," murmurs Mitch finally and with an embarrassed flush on his face (he already had so many angry red breakout this morning, at least now his whole face can look like a tomato, supplied his brain helpfully) turns to the coffee maker.

None of them say a word while the machine is working its magic and Mitch keeps his back to Auston the entire time. When he finally puts the lid on the paper cup, he slowly turns and starts to put the number into the register without looking up.

"It’s gonna be 3.60."

"Can I also get two of the chocolate muffins with that?" asks Auston and when Mitch finally looks up at him, his face also look a bit embarrassed.

"No, man, that’s not necessary. I was being really unprofessional." Mitch is still holding Auston’s coffee in his hand and the heat is starting to be a bit uncomfortable on his hand.

"I still want the muffins if it’s not a problem."

And while Mitch slowly realized that now he’s literally saying ‘no, you can’t get the muffins that are for sale’ to a paying customer (Mo would be so disappointed in him, god), Auston has to audacity to smirk at his embarrassment.

There’s a point in all embarrassing conversations, when we need to admit that we’re wrong and let go while we are still mostly unscathed. When you can both still just laugh about your mistake good naturedly and forget about it in quick seconds. 

Mitch clearly has no idea where that point is.

"Look, I only said that thing about the muffins because I tried this new recipe this morning where I put both cocoa powder and actual melted chocolate into the batter and then add the chocolate chips literally just before I put them into the oven? And it makes the inside super gooey and it’s genuinely so good and none of the customers seem to care and…"

And Auston is outright laughing at him.

"… and I just got a bit frustrated, I guess," finishes up Mitch, and not even his utter embarrassment can make him not notice how beautiful Auston’s smile is. He is a cliché.

"Hey. It sounds amazing. I’d still like to purchase two, I want to get them for my Mum even if they don’t fit into my diet plan." His smile, God.

And Mitch still looks like a tomato when he finally manages to bag two muffins for Auston but at least he has everything now, and can go on his way so that Mitch can finally have a proper breakdown over what a stupid idiot he is.

Of course, Auston does not leave.

"So you like hockey?" he asks while taking a sip of his surely too hot coffee and nods towards the framed jersey. Mo is from Toronto, of course, he has a framed Maple Leafs jersey in his bakery in Toronto.

And he genuinely seems interested. That seems to lessen Mitch’s embarrassment a bit and he opens his mouth to talk – and gosh, where was that point again where you should just shut up and leave? Can someone just paint a large, red X on that point so Mitch is able to find it finally?

"Mo put that up. I tried to persuade him to put a Seguin jersey up instead but he threatened to fire me if I said another “blasphemy” like that ever again."

Auston snorts into his coffee. "Seguin, huh? Why do all the girls like Seguin?"

And you know what? Forget about being unprofessional in front of Auston fucking Matthews. Forget about embarrassing himself one time, two times, who is even counting at this point. None of that can compare to what Mitch is feeling at that moment. He can almost feel his heart missing out on a beat. And the butterflies in his stomach are not only long gone, they’re replaced by this heavy, but so familiar feeling.

And shit, of course, he can already feel the tears. No, no, no. It’s not happening. He is not going to cry in front of Auston Matthews, no matter how many times this happens. He is stronger than this.

"Not a girl. And he has adorable dogs."

His voice obviously cracks because it’s Mitch we’re talking about and he clearly can’t get a break but at least he can blink the tears back.

He emphatically does not look up at Auston who is still standing in front of the register. None of them say anything else for a long couple of seconds.

And then Zach, his favourite co-worker ever, who can from now on take all the breaks he wants, chooses that moment exactly to finally emerge from the staff room.

"I submitted it, thank God. Mitch, I don’t know what I would have done if I failed… Oh my god, Auston Matthews is here," says Zach loudly and when he finally stops next to Mitch, his gaze on Auston is possibly the most starstruck Mitch has ever seen him.

"Zach, could you take over for a bit now?" Mitch says in a rush, and his voice is still hurt enough, that it makes Zach snap out of his ‘the literal hockey God of Toronto is standing 2 feet away from me’ trance.

"Sure, you’re okay?" And bless his heart, his concerned face looks first at him and then at Matthews.

Mitch is not looking at Matthews.

"I’m fine, thanks man." 

And with a quick step, he gratefully bumps his shoulder into Zach’s and heads back to the staff room. The whole time, his eyes are decidedly staying on the floor.  


Matthews says nothing.

*

He does end up crying a little in the staff room but he mostly stops by the time Zach comes back to check on him. He heard him talk to at least 5 or 6 customers while he was hiding away in the staff room so he knows that at least a good 15 minutes has passed.

"You don’t look okay, man," says Zach leaning against the doorframe. 

The bakery is thankfully empty and Mitch can see that it’s almost completely dark outside. Maybe it wasn’t just 15 minutes.

"I’ll be fine," says Mitch and he finally stands up from the little beat-up couch. Mo sometimes uses that for his afternoon naps – which is weird because he has a way better one in his office. Now that Mitch thinks about it, it’s kind of weird how much time Mo actually spends in the staff room or behind the counter when he has a perfectly functioning office with an actual door instead of the ugly curtain that they use to separate the bakery and the staff room. Mo is a bit weird.

"Did he say something?"

Mitch carefully keeps his face in check.

"Because if he did… I know I idolize the guy but if he told you something transphobic or he insulted you or – or even if he said something rude about you muffins, I’m not gonna take his side, okay? You’re my friend, and he clearly did something."

Mitch is not going to cry a second time today.

"Please talk to me." Zach’s voice is so soft, for a second Mitch can only think about how great of a dad he is going to make one day.

"He didn’t… He just… He called me a girl," he finally manages to say. It leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

"Shit."

And then Zach is in front of him, and he’s hugging him, his strong arms holding Mitch close to him and Mitch is definitely crying for a second time today.


	2. Mitch burns a pie (though it's mostly Zach's fault)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitch does not have a perfect life. But he’s slowly building one he actually likes, one where he’s happy and comfortable with his decisions (maybe even with himself one day). It’s not a super exciting one – it’s rather boring, really. But it’s his and that’s enough.
> 
> Then Auston Matthews happens.
> 
> (In which Mitch burns a pie and Auston buys some necessary things.)

Contrary to popular belief, Mitch’s life is actually great. Or at least pretty nice. Quite alright.

It’s not that bad, okay?

He has an amazing dog, named Fangio, who has big brown eyes and who is afraid of being under a blanket or a box or anything really, and who loves Mitch like no one else does. (It’s mutual.)

He also loves his job which makes him really lucky because a university dropout who ends up as a baker is not the sort of motivational story you normally hear. But he loves baking; he loves the fact that he can make things with just his hands and he can be creative and he even likes chatting with the customers (obviously not always but sometimes it is nice) – and he also loves that baking bread every morning made his biceps really stand out. Judge him all you want, you’re just jealous.

He also has amazing friends… and now that he thinks about it, they should have been at the very top of the list. It’s not a priority list, okay?

He has Zach, who Mitch has only known for the 6 months they have both been working for Mo but who quickly became basically his best friend – the guy is simply the sweetest person on planet Earth. He is also a nerd – like an actual one because he is a History major – but he also wears these adorable glasses and once after pulling an all-nighter and still failing an exam he shouted at Mitch and then he spent at least 10 minutes apologizing for it. Mitch laughed at him for at least 8 minutes out of that 10.

Mitch had a crush on him for like two days but Zach’s girlfriend is probably the second sweetest person Mitch has ever met (after Zach, obviously) and even if Zach was gay, Mitch knows they would have never worked – but now he has a best friend who gives him hugs and fistbumps and has absolutely no hang-ups about treating Mitch as a guy even though when they first met, Mitch was barely on T for like 2 weeks and had the squeakiest voice to ever squeak. 

He also has Mo who definitely acts like the big brother Mitch never had. Mo is the biggest people person he has ever seen – the kind who actually remembers the customers’ names and what they do and what their kids do and obviously their coffee order too. Mitch is quite happy with only knowing the last one, thank you very much. But Mo also gives Mitch leftover food from the bakery and sometimes from his own home cooking too because he knows Mitch would end up eating only ramen if he was left to his own devices. On the very first day when Mitch started working for him, he also made sure to tell Mitch that if anyone, a customer or co-worker would ever insult him or even make him feel threatened, he would make sure they are dealt with. Mitch is so lucky to have Mo.

Mitch also has two roommates who are not going to be his best friends but who clean up the kitchen after they cook, never eat Mitch’s food from the fridge, are okay with Fangio living with them (Steve is even happy to take him on his morning walk when Mitch has to be in the bakery super early) and do not give a flying fuck about the fact that Mitch is trans. That is all Mitch is asking for and he can certainly deal with the occasional sex noises from Steve’s room that the thin walls can’t hide or the almost constant smell of pot drifting out of Julie’s room. Life is about compromise.

He also goes to a trans support group every week and even though it was really hard in the beginning, he knows it’s worth it. He even made friends there, Karen, Joey and he hang out at least once a month and complain about cis people and the world and how cruel Karen’s colleagues were when they found out that she was trans. Mitch can’t relate to that, thank God – but it’s great to have someone who really gets the frustration he feels sometimes.

He also talks to his old friends every once in a while – people who he met during his one year at uni or even a couple people who he went to high school with. They chat for a couple minutes when they bump into each other on the streets of Toronto and they are always nice. Mitch never expected them to stick around and they never did. That’s life.

He’s only really in contact with one of his old friends from high school. Sarah is also 22 but she’s engaged to his high school sweetheart and they’re getting married next summer. And Sarah is kind and makes sure to always call him Mitch and asks him to grab a coffee at least every two or three months. But Sarah is still living in his hometown and every time she asks Mitch why he doesn’t try to talk to his parents and if maybe he found a nice girl (or oh sure, a nice boy, sorry to assume) to settle down with and Mitch just can’t deal with that. Sarah is trying but Mitch left that part of his life behind him and he doesn’t want a reminder. 

Sometimes he ignores her calls, and then he feels guilty. He still ignores her the next time she calls.

Mitch does not have a perfect life. But he’s slowly building one he actually likes, one where he’s happy and comfortable with his decisions (maybe even with himself one day). It’s not a super exciting one – it’s rather boring, really. But it’s his and that’s enough.

Then Auston Matthews happens.

*

“Mitch, have I mentioned lately how much I love you?”

The bakery is not empty this time, but the customers are happily munching away on their pastries by the three little tables Mo was able to fit into the small space between the windows and the register, so Zach can once again concentrate on his Macbook instead of actually working. He has three books open in front of him, two by his computer and one on top of the register and Mitch desperately wants Mo to come in now so he can laugh at his disapproving face. 

Mitch is currently sitting on a stool, his oversized black T-shirt matching his black soul and black apron, and slowly enjoys the paperback while occasionally checking on the pie in the oven.

“Don’t let Lauren hear that, man” Mitch snorts and flips a page in his book without looking up.

“Mitch. I need someone to proofread this for me.”

“And here I was, thinking you just simply loved me. You’re breaking my heart, Zach.”

“Do you know what’s gonna break my heart? If I fail this assignment and then lose my scholarship and then I have to give up my dream of becoming a teacher and inspiring the young minds of the future and…”

Mitch wanted to finish the chapter he was reading but that is clearly not going to happen next to such a drama queen.

“Give me your stupid paper.” Mitch sighs and then makes grabby hands towards Zach’s computer. Zach, the asshole just smirks at him.

“I hope it’s about the Romans.”

“Of course, I would never give you something boring.”

It is obviously not about the Romans.

*

Zach is a pretty great writer, so even though he’s writing a comparison between fascist Italy and Nazi Germany, the paper is still pretty engrossing. Like Mitch probably wouldn’t reread it ever again, but it’s not as bad as he thought it would be.

He only stops when the smell of sweet but slightly burning pie starts to drift out of the kitchen. For a second time today.

Zach and Mitch realize his mistake in the exact same moment and without exchanging a word, Zach grabs his Mac out of Mitch’s hand and Mitch makes a run for the oven. 

The pie is not completely black by the time he gets there – but it’s definitely not something that they can put out for the customers. Which wouldn’t be a disaster, things go wrong in bakeries all the time, but the reason they were actually making this pie was because they wanted to replace the one they also burnt in the morning.

Mitch sighs as he turns the oven off and looks at the pie in his hands. At least, Mo doesn’t have to see it.

Mitch needs a coffee, he’ll deal with the remains of the pie later. Something strong and full of sugar and … Auston Matthews.

And while Auston Matthews is definitely not in his coffee, he is most definitely in the bakery.

Mitch is thankfully still mostly hidden behind the curtain when he spots his familiar figure (and why are you so familiar with his figure, Mitch?) and for a long second, he desperately wishes that his eyes are just tricking him, no, it’s not him, why would he be here again after last time, why can’t he just get his stupid coffee somewhere else… but then he hears Zach’s voice and he can’t pretend anymore.

“Auston Matthews,” says Zach. Nothing more, nothing less, and even though Matthews is taller and bigger and richer and famous-er (okay, okay, more famous, Mitch knows) than him, he still manages to flinch a bit at Zach’s voice.

Not that Mitch is paying attention to them from his hiding spot. Or eavesdropping. He most definitely did not spend any of his thoughts on the fact that Auston shaved since the last time he was here and his hair also looked… Stop, Mitchell.

“Hi. I just…” Auston starts up. Then closes his mouth.

“Yes?”

Auston quickly takes a look at the chalkboard behind Zach and he just look so uncomfortable. 

“Can I get a loaf of bread?”

What?

“What?” says Zach.

“A loaf of… bread?” And Mitch knows it’s quite cold outside, but not so cold that Auston would have to be that red.

Zach is still silent but then slowly grabs a packed up loaf from the shelf behind him.

“Whole grain, okay?” he asks, and Auston quickly nods, still looking a bit awkward. “Anything else?”

“Do you have muffins maybe?”

And Mitch does not like what his heart is doing at that moment. Or his breathing, for that matter.

“No, they’re all gone,” says Zach and then stops for a second. “We do have pie though.”

Zach Hyman, you did not just offer him that burnt excuse of a pie. 

But Zach points at the slightly ugly, slightly inedible-looking thing (Mitch is not calling that thing a pie anymore, he has standards), and then Auston is also looking at it and he’s most probably looking for a nice way to say ‘hell, no’, although Mitchell, is he even nice, how would you know that, all your past…

"It's a peach one."

It's more of a burnt one, really, and Auston still doesn't look convinced. But then Zach opens his big mouth again.

“Mitch made it.”

Mitch is going to kill Zach, that’s what he’s going to do. Sorry Lauren, he has to go.

“He’s here?” Auston asks and it seems like he notices the big, ugly curtain that Mitch is hiding behind, for the first time. Mitch is staying very still.

“He made the pie.” Zach repeats his words, with a not-so-subtle finality at the end of his sentence, and Mitch is taking back his comment about killing him. He can stay.

“I’ll take it,” says Auston and for a second Mitch feels that Zach and Auston are having a stare-off.

“One or two slices?” asks Zach finally and reaches for a paper container.

“The whole pie.” And Mitch has to put a hand on his mouth because he can’t be held accountable for what he might do otherwise. Shout? Cry? Laugh? Mitch doesn't know.

But Zach simply pulls his hands back from the small containers and grabs a big cake-sized one instead, and quickly wraps everything up for Auston.

“Anything else?” asks Zach and it almost seems like he’s teasing Matthews a bit.

But he finally shakes his head, cheeks still a bit too red and hands the money over when Zach tells him his total. He puts several banknotes into the tip jar as well.

He’s finally ready, with a loaf of bread in one hand and the pie in his other, when someone from one of the tables recognizes him.

“Oh my god, Auston Matthews. Great game yesterday, can I have a picture?” 

And Zach might still have problems with Matthews but he looks so much like an actual deer caught in the headlights, he takes pity on him.

“Guys, let’s leave the guy in peace…” he starts but Matthews is already putting the things he just bought back on the counter. 

“It’s fine.” He smiles gratefully at Zach.

Then he smiles at the camera, and he looks like a different person. Mitch does not like that smile.

Mitch should also not have so many opinions on Auston Matthews’s smile but what can you do.

Of course, then all the other customers want pictures, so it takes like 10 minutes to get it done, but then Matthews finally grabs his stuff again. He shoots one last look at the curtain.

“Thanks man, have a nice day!” he says to Zach finally, and Mitch knows he only imagines the sadness in his voice but it still does things to his heart.

Mitch spends an extra minute behind the curtain trying to regulate his breath.

“You can stop hiding now, he’s gone,” says Zach and who’s a deer now, Mitchell?

Zach is back by the register when Mitch finally emerges, highlighter in hand and his textbook already looking more like a rainbow than a history book detailing Mussolini’s politics. What an ally.

“So…” he starts and looks at Mitch who is currently reorganizing the pastries on the counter. Because they are clearly in dire need of reorganization.

“He bought your whole pie.”

Mitch is not raising to the bait.

“It was burnt and ugly, Mitch. And he bought the whole thing. What is he even gonna do with it?”

“Maybe he likes it crispy.”

Zach just raises an eyebrow at him.

“Do you want to talk to him next time?” he asks finally.

“There won’t be a next time.” 

And there goes Zach’s other eyebrow.

“Yes, I will talk to him. But he’s not coming back, believe me.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” says Zach and goes back to his book, this time armed with bright pink sticky notes.

Joke’s on him though, Mitch barely sleeps an hour that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys? I am absolutely blown away by your feedback? 12 comments?! 61 kudos?! I am befuddled and just so, so grateful.
> 
> I originally planned on updating this once a week, and once college starts up again I will most probably stick to that. In the meantime though, I am absolutely okay with ignoring the things I need to do for my actual paying job and indulge in writing this. (I might have been "slightly" influenced by the number of comments tbh, so keep up the good work.)
> 
> My Tumblr is wewintogetherwelosetogether, so shoot me a message there if you have any questions/thoughts/ideas/constructive criticism. (You can also check out my Tumblr just for Tumblr reasons, but it's a big mess of F1, hockey and my current hyperfixations, so you've been warned.)
> 
> Ah, one more thing: I finally realized I completely fucked up the first chapter by using ' instead of " in the dialogues which... I don't really have a defense for, but sorry? And I'll fix it once I have a bit extra time.


	3. Mitch has a conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe there’s just no way to have a normal conversation with Matthews.
> 
> (In which Mitch is still surrounded by idiots but they're not that bad.)

About two days after Mitch first started working in the bakery, Mo asked him what he wanted to do with his life.

A week has passed since Mitch finished up with his final exams. About six whole days since Mitch decided that he was done with school and dropped out. A bit more than five days since he buzzed all his hair off. And around four and a half days since he last talked to his parents.

(He had no missed calls.)

So there he was, wiping the counter in the bakery, a flour-smudged apron around his waist and a still sensitive tattoo on his arm, and Mo was asking him what he wanted to do with his life.

When he didn’t answer for a couple minutes, Mo just patted his back.

“We’ll figure it out, kid.” 

That was when Mitch first realized that if you spend years desperately wanting one thing, to be seen as a guy, to make people understand that you are a guy, you forget to think about everything else – you forget that you have a life that you need to do something with.

*

Auston Matthews did not come back the next day.

Or the day after that.

Or the one after that.

Mitch would love to tell Zach “I told you so” and laugh at his face but Mitch doesn’t really feel like laughing. (It, of course, has nothing to do with Auston Matthews.)

And all jokes aside, Mitch does not actually spend a lot of time thinking about Matthews – or the lack of him. He has things to do: exhibit A, perfecting his maple-apple pie.

“I’m getting a bit sick of pie,” Zach mumbles as he’s putting the lid on a cup of coffee. He has a smudge of apple on his cheek and Mitch is a delightful friend and has not told him about it for the last 10 minutes.

“Just one more slice, please, I’m telling you, I think I finally got the perfect ratio of maple syrup and cane sugar in the filling.”

There are at least four people standing in line and Mitch knows that he should probably pay attention to them, but his pie is getting so near to perfect, not even Mo could get him to actually work right now.

“Mitch, are you feeding Zach the customers’ pie again?”

Okay, so maybe Mo can actually make him work. (Where did he even come from? Mitch swears he wasn’t even in the bakery since the morning.)

“No, of course not, Mo. You always assume the worst,” says Mitch and stealthily puts the pie back in its place. Mitch is so stealthy, the King of Stealth.

“So, what’s that on Zach’s face?”

“I have something on my face?! Mitch, why didn’t you tell me?”

Mitch might need to work on being stealthy a bit more.

* 

Zach and Mitch are coming back from loading the delivery truck to the storage room in the late afternoon when Mo grabs both of their arms excitedly and shoves them down on the little couch before they could resume their work behind the counter.

“Boys, you’re not gonna believe who’s in the bakery right now!” he whispers excitedly. He looks like he’s at least ten years younger, his smile is beaming like a freaking sun or something.

Mo is never this excited, Mo is a huge hockey fan and Mitch has a terrible feeling about all this. 

And now Zach is getting excited too, looking at Mitch with a grin and he has a gleam in his eyes, and oh god, did Mitch mention he has a terrible feeling about all this? 

“Let me guess…” starts Zach slowly. “Auston Matthews?”

“Even better, it’s… wait, how did you know it was Auston Matthews?” And now Mo is looking at the two of them warily.

Maybe they should have told the diehard Leafs fan that a member of the Toronto Maple Leafs decided to frequent their bakery lately? 

“He might have been here already a couple times?” Oh, Zach. Poor, naïve Zach.

Mo is not whispering anymore. “He might have been here already? A couple times?! Zachary Martin Hyman, why did I not know about this?”

“He made Mitch cry! How could I tell you that?”

And Mitch would feel sorry for Zach because you do not want Mo to stare at you like that under absolutely no circumstances. But Mitch is a bit preoccupied with other things right now.

“No, that’s not what happened, Mo, don’t believe a word he says!”

“What do you mean that’s not what happened? He came in and he told you that you’re a girl and then made you cry!”

“That’s totally not what happened, Zach, he just assumed…”

“Just because you have a crush on him that does not give him a free pass to call you…”

“I do not have a crush on him!”

“Shut the hell up, both of you! Jesus, what are you, twelve?” And Mitch does not know how they went from excited whispering to a shouting match, but he’s certain that the whole bakery just listened to their drama. Slightly heated conversation, whatever.

For a second, Zach and Micth are just looking at each other. Zach genuinely looks disappointed though, and Mitch starts to feel a bit bad. He takes a deep breath. Maybe a couple of deep breaths.

“I’m sorry for yelling. You’re right. He did make me cry. But I told you it wasn’t intentional. I overreacted, I shouldn’t be so sensitive.”

“No, man, I’m sorry about yelling, and you had every right to be upset about that. It doesn’t even matter to me if he said it on purpose or just misunderstood the situation, it’s obviously something that’s hurtful to you, so you should be able to react to it in any way you want.”

They are so grown up, Mitch is so proud.

Mo, on the other hand, does not look like someone who is enjoying their private therapy session.

“Well, that was certainly heartwarming, you guys should go on a soap opera or something. In the meantime, what am I supposed to do with the sad looking Maple Leaf in the bakery?”

“Give him his coffee?” offers Mitch. (Mo is not impressed.)

“He also likes pie. And bread. And muffins?” Zach is so not helping the situation.

“Is he gonna start something transphobic if I send you out there?” Mo asks finally, looking at Mitch.

Mitch would also like to know the answer to that question.

“I don’t think so?”

“I don’t think he has any problems with Mitch to be honest, Mo” Zach supplies.

And now Mo is looking at Zach, and Zach is already grinning, and Mitch feels like he’s missing something super important here. 

“Then get to work, Mitchy,” Mo grins, and honest to God, winks at him.

Oh, no.

*

Auston Matthews is taking a picture with a little girl, and honestly, is that even legal? To look like that?

He’s crouching next to the kid, big smile on both of their faces, and after the photo is taken, and the kid’s backpack is signed, he ruffles her hair a bit, and when the kid and her dad finally leaves, Mitch swears that the only thing holding back the girl from flying is her hand in his dad’s hand, keeping her firmly on the ground.

Mitch might be exaggerating a bit.

Auston spots him when the kid and her dad are finally out of the bakery and goes to grab his coffee from the table he was sitting at. He walks up to the register instead.

“Hi, Mitch, right?” His previous awkwardness is gone and he looks like he’s here with a purpose. He looks like those people who go on stage to give a presentation about animal rights after they had stage fright but then also got a pep talk about what a huge difference they are about to make in the world.

“Yes?” Mitch, on the other hand, has absolutely zero idea where this conversation is going. He’d like to get the little cue cards before they start, why do we not have those in real life?

“I’m Auston.” 

“I know?” Mitch is so confused. “I think everyone knows your name?”

“I didn’t want to assume.” The irony. “I just wanted to apologize for the other day. What I did was not cool and I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I hope you can forgive me.”

Mitch is still not ready for this conversation but Auston is clearly waiting for an answer and now his initial determination is starting to disappear.

“You are so media trained.” 

Does Mitch even have a brain-to-mouth filter? Can he buy one somewhere?

“I… might have asked one of the PR people what to say?”

“You asked one of the PR people how to apologize?”

“No, no, I just wanted to do this the right way… you know, politic…”

“If you say politically correct, I’m asking Mo to throw you out.”

Mitch has probably lost his mind but he’ll deal with that later.

“Wait… god, how am I fucking this up again?” Matthews looks so lost now, Mitch almost feels sorry for him. Almost. “I just mean… Shit, I’m not good with words? Like they tell me what to say usually and then I say that, I’m not used to this.”

“You’re not used to talking?”

“What? No, I know how to talk, obviously.”

“Then are you not used to being a decent human being? Because, buddy, I’m sorry to say but you’re not gonna learn that in media training.”

“No, please, can we just start again?” And like Mitch has an adorable puppy in his apartment, but these eyes? These could put even Fangio to shame.

So Mitch just nods. Reset button, that’s always good. This time Mitch is following the conversation, he’s totally in charge now.

“So do you like hockey?”

Maybe there’s just no way to have a normal conversation with Matthews.

“What are you on about?”

“Aren’t we starting over?” Auston asks, almost pouting.

“And then just ignore the fact that you called me a girl?”

“But… I apologized for that? You didn’t forgive me? I thought it was a good apology. I practiced it.” Oh God, how did Matthews survive for so long in front of the cameras?

And now there’s a suspicious sound coming from behind the curtain that sounds like two absolute idiots snickering and how is this Mitch’s life? When did it get this ridiculous and why did no one tell him?

“Mo, Zach, do you want to come out and participate in the conversation like the adults you pretend to be?” Mitch raises his voice.

“No, thanks, we’re good!” 

Mitch is working with children. He should be a kindergarten teacher or something, he is so qualified.

“I really am sorry,” says Auston again and he looks so damn apologetic, Mitch never really stood a chance.

“Oh, god. Okay. You’re forgiven. You can go and tell the PR people that you did such a great job. They might even give you a sticker or something.”

And Mitch thinks he’s great at chirping but Auston is just smiling at him, so Mitch might need to up his game.

“Awesome. So what about hockey?”

“Yes, Auston, I do like hockey. I would ask about you too, but I have a feeling I already know the answer.”

“So do you want to come to the game tomorrow night?”

And Auston is looking at him with this hopeful smile and like Mitch knows people don’t actually swoon in real life just because someone looks at them a certain way, no matter what romance novels like to claim, but he swears he sees little stars in front of his eyes. He is so easy. Get it together, Marner, jesus.

“But you’re not even playing the Stars, why would I want to go?” Mitch smirks. He is such a pro at hiding his emotions.

Before Auston could even react to his words though, suddenly Mo appears from his hiding place and slings a casual arm around Mitch’s shoulder.

“What Mitch here is trying to say – I’m Mo by the way, very nice to meet you – is that he most certainly would love to go to your game tomorrow. Preferably with a good friend of his, so he can, you know have a good time there.”

And like Mitch didn’t even see when Zach joined them, but suddenly there’s an arm around his waist as well, and he realizes, for probably the thousandth time in his life, that his friends are simply ridiculous.

“If maybe, he could take two of his friends that would be even better, of course, for entertainment purposes, you know.”

And they look so ridiculous with matching grins, but Auston just smiles at them. “That can be arranged.”

“What these two would also like to say is “thank you” because even though it’s hard to believe right now, they weren’t actually raised by wolves.”

“It’s no problem. I’m happy you guys can come. Even if you know, it’s not against the Stars.” And Mitch is not thinking about his smile, nope, no thoughts at all. “I gotta go now, I have a meeting in like 10 minutes. So… uhm, what’s your name?”

“My name?” Didn’t they already cover this? Like with the whole "I'm Mitch, hi, I'm Auston" thing?

“Like your full name, so I can put it down for the tickets?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s Marner. Mitch Marner.”

“Okay. So… It was nice meeting you guys? And…” he grabs his coffee and his phone from the table and for a second he’s just standing in front of the door with a hand already on the doorknob. “It was really nice meeting you, Mitch Marner. Good talk.”

“Yeah, Auston, good talk.” Mitch intended that to be a chirp too but he’s not even fooling himself.

With a final wave, Auston actually leaves the bakery but Mo and Zach stay glued to his side.

“So. Good talk?” Zach smirks at him.

“Zach, don’t even pretend you guys haven’t listened to the whole conversation.”

“We needed to know if he was a transphobic asshole. But I guess, he’s not.”

Mitch is silent for a second before answering. “No. I guess he’s not. He’s just a bit dumb.”

“He’s a good guy.” Mo says in the end, and finally detaches himself from Mitch.

“He’s ridiculous.” 

“Jesus, are we going to rename the bakery to the Auston Matthews Fanclub?” Zach says as he starts to make a new coffee for himself while Mo just looks at him disapprovingly. Zach is most certainly way too addicted to caffeine, but Mitch is definitely in no position to judge him for that. Hmm, coffee.

“Like you wouldn’t join the club. I’ve seen you watch his highlights. You almost started crying.”

“Okay. I can admit I like Auston Matthews’s hockey. You happy now, Mo?”

“So happy, Zach. And I can admit I like the fact that he’s a nice person. You know, if we’re sharing our feelings now. Any additions, Mitch?” And yes, Mo is a wonderful person, but can he just not smirk like that all knowingly and shit?

“There’s not a single thing I like about Auston Matthews. But you know, be happy with your little fanclub.” Mitch raises his cup of coffee. If Zach gets to drink one more, then Mitch is also allowed.

Zach just snorts at him. “Really, Mitch? So what about his nice smile?”

“Or his hair? Didn’t you say you like guys who grow their hair out a bit?”

“Or his tattoos?”

“He’s also very tall, isn’t he?”

“And he works out a lot, Mitch. Are you sure there’s nothing you like about him?”

Mitch hates them so much.

“Are you guys sure you’re straight? Because I feel like you have a crush on him.”

“Don’t be jealous, Mitchy,” Mo pats him on the back. “We’re not stealing your man.”

“So should I order the new sign for outside? Auston Matthews’s Fanclub Bakery – AM34 visited on 3rd November? Blue and white?”

Mitch is working with children. He loves them so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just needed a bit of fluff in my life, okay?
> 
> Hope you liked it guys, comments are still my lifeline. <3


	4. Mitch goes to a hockey game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Please, tell me I misheard that” he whispers. He doesn’t know when he sat back, but he’s in his seat, his head resting on Mo’s shoulder.
> 
> “She was nice about it” Mo chuckles in his ears.
> 
> “That wasn’t an answer to my question. Oh God. Why do I always make an idiot out of myself?”
> 
> Mo ruffles his hair a bit. “Look, the third period is about to start.”
> 
> (In which Mitch goes to the Scotiabank Arena and meets some people.)

So full disclosure: Mitch has never been to a hockey game in his life. 

His dad and mum were hockey fans (probably still are) and they went to like one or two Leafs game every year while Mitch stayed home with the girl next door babysitting him. And Mitch knows that sure, hockey night was basically date night for his parents so they would obviously not want to take their pouty kid with them – that would defeat the purpose of date night after all. The tickets are obviously expensive as well. And then the games are also quite late, kids should be in their beds at that time.

It’s just… it didn’t stop them from taking him to the cinema. Or the theatre. Or even to a ballet once.

And again, Mitch knows it wasn’t intentional from their side. They probably genuinely thought that their little daughter would not want to spend her evening watching such a violent sport.

Mitch knows all this. Got the message loud and clear. 

So when he steps into the Scotiabank Arena he knows what he was taught, he knows what’s been drilled into his brain for years: you don’t belong here.

*

Mo navigates the arena like it’s his second home. He’s wearing a Tavares jersey, 91 visible and almost shining on his back and Mitch is following it like it’s his beacon showing him the way home.

Or more like the ticket offices but that doesn’t sound nearly as poetic, does it?

And the thing is: Mitch is super excited. He is. He likes hockey a lot and he’s obviously over the moon that he finally gets to watch it in real life.

There are also thousands of people around him, and they’re loud and Mitch feels so small in the very oversized jersey Mo lent him for the evening (it’s obviously a Matthews one, what’s new on Earth?) and now Mitch is slightly terrified and he’s not so sure if being here is such a great idea. Like he’s still really pumped because hockey? (And like maybe because, you know, it’s Auston. But Mitch is a pro at lying to himself so he’ll stick with hockey at this point.) But he also would love to turn around and just make a run for the exit sign.

Before he could even entertain the idea of running away (or just maybe check out where the exit actually is because wow, is everyone taller than Mitch here), he can feel Zach’s hand on his back, urging him forward.

“Mo’s already getting our tickets, hurry up, man.”

“What’s the rush, Zach? We still have like half an hour before puck drop.” Half an hour has to be enough time for Mitch to get his shit together, right?

“Do you even know how huge this place is? It takes ages to get to your place,” says Zach while he tries to cut through a group of people to get to Mo.

When Mitch slows down again, he finally looks at his face.

“Are you okay?” Zach is wearing his own Tavares jersey and it looks great on him and for a second Mitch is only feeling jealousy. 

Quit it, Marner.

“I’m fine, just you know… I’m not a fan of crowds,” Mitch mumbles. That is the exact opposite of getting your shit together, Marner, just so you know.

“You do realize that there are also a lot of people inside the arena? Where we are still not at?”

“Okay, okay, fine. Let’s go, I’m gonna be fine.”

And Mitch assertively starts walking towards Mo but this time it’s Zach who doesn’t want to budge.

“No, wait a second, are you sure you’re gonna be okay like this?” And Mitch is pretty sure that if at that point he would say no, Zach and Mo would leave the building with him. It’s heartbreakingly comforting and Mitch does not know what to do with it.

“I’m good. I promise you.”

Zach looks at him appraisingly but then puts his hand on Mitch’s shoulder and guides him finally towards Mo.

Mo is talking to a guy with a headset and neither of them look happy.

“I told you already, we have three tickets under the name ‘Mitch Marner’. Would you please check it again?” Mo says, getting impatient but the guy just looks at him with the same bored expression.

“Man, I already checked it and I don’t have it on the list. Don’t make me call security.”

And Mitch does not like the sound of that.

“Mo…”

“Wait a sec, Mitch, I’ll handle this…”

“Mo, we can just go maybe he forgot…”

“Auston Matthews did not forget putting your name on the list, Mitch.” 

Headset guy just snorts at Mo. “Sure, Auston Matthews.”

“What are you laughing at?” And now Zach is getting involved.

“You guys seriously want me to believe that Auston put your tickets aside?” He snorts again. Mitch does not like what Zach’s face is doing. “Okay, you know what? I’ll make one phone call up and if they don’t confirm, you’ll leave, deal?”

He’s clearly done with them. But Mo just agrees, so he gets his phone out and steps away a bit.

The call lasts for less than a minute. Then the guy walks to a woman dressed in business casual and talk with her a bit.

The guy is not laughing when he finally comes back with the woman by his side.

“Diana will show you up to the family box.”

*

Mitch officially does not understand Auston Matthews.

He’s currently watching a Leafs game Auston is playing in, wearing Auston’s jersey and sitting two rows away from Auston’s parents (!) – everything, except the jersey, courtesy of Auston freaking Matthews himself – but he is still completely confused by the guy.

Why on earth would you give a random guy you’ve met literally twice in your entire life three tickets to the family box? Because sure, Mitch was happy he got his apology yesterday (even if it was slightly awkward). But is the game supposed to be like the extended version of his apology? Because if it is, Mitch is never going to even inconvenience anyone in the slightest ever again – like is this how you’re supposed to apologize? Apologies sure seemed easier in the past. And cheaper.

But then again, why didn’t he just give them random tickets? Maybe you know, some nice seats with a nice view but in the actual crowd where normal people go?

Mitch is not complaining but… does Matthews understand why the family box is called the family box? 

(Mitch knows he called Auston dumb literally yesterday but he’s surely not this dumb. Surely.)

“Okay, from now on, I’m only watching the games from here, this is awesome!” Mo beams at him excitedly and clearly Mitch is the only one who’s freaking out about the fact that they’re surrounded by the players’ families in the family box and oh my god, what if people ask what they’re doing here? 

“Mitch, quit worrying, the game is about to start.”

How does Zach know him so much? They’ve known each other for like 6 months.

“I’m not worrying.”

“Sure, you’re not,” echoes Mo and Zach at the same time and Mitch is offended. At least Mo has known him for more than a year.

Okay, Mitchell, you’re at a hockey game. Focus. Breath in, breath out. It’s going to be awesome.

*

It is more than awesome. Mitch knew he liked hockey for a reason but seeing it live is even better than he could have ever imagined. After the second period, the Leafs are up 4-1, Auston already scored twice (finished up an incredibly beautiful pass from Nylander and then also sent an even more gorgeous one-timer past the Bruins goalie) and now the crowd is buzzing and the word “hat trick” is on a lot of people’s mind.

Mitch is so proud. 

Of the team, of course.

“Enjoying the game, Mitchy?” Zach asks him teasingly.

“Like you’re not enjoying it, you hypocrite.”

“Well, I for one, am really enjoying the game” Mo chimes in. “Also, I feel like next time Matthews comes in, we should return the favor somehow.”

Zach’s grin just turns evil at that. “Oh, I’m sure Mitch would love to… return the favor.”

And what does that even supposed to mean? And why is Mitch blushing?

“Oh, Mitchy, what are you even thinking about?” Zach teases, and when Mitch looks at Mo for help, he’s met with another terrible grin. “I just thought you could you know… make him a nice little pie. You know, offer him your muffins or something.”

“Zach, leave him alone with his crush. If you were gay, you would also be a little in love with Matthews. I’m pretty sure you are a little bit in love with him now, too,” says Mo.

And Mitch doesn’t need to see his face to know how red it currently is. He pulls up the front of his jersey to cover it. It doesn’t muffle Zach and Mo’s laughter.

“You are both terrible and ungrateful people and you can shove your muffins where…” Mitch starts but then a familiar female voice interrupts his threat.

“Hi, boys, mind if I join you for a bit?” 

And Mitch realizes where he knows that voice from. He also realizes that he should probably remove the jersey from his face but for one terrified second he can still pretend that this is not happening. Just for one second.

When he finally does pull the jersey down, his still tomato red face is presented with Ema Matthews, standing next to them wearing a simple white sweater and jeans and looking about a thousand times more put together than Mitch has ever felt in his entire life. She also looks thoroughly amused and Mitch would like to go and cry a bit now.

“Mrs. Matthews, of course,” Mo jumps up and thank God for him, but also… how much exactly Auston’s mom heard of their conversation? Absolutely nothing, right?

Right?!

But then Ema Matthews is shaking Mo’s hand, then Zach’s hand and before Mitch can really freak the fuck out, she turns to him.

He extends his hand on autopilot. “Mitch Marner, very nice to meet you.”

“Oh, so you’re Mitch?”

What?

“Uhm… I guess I am?” Mitch is taking all of his comments back about Auston being dumb. He obviously can’t compete with Mitch freaking Marner.

“I saw your name on the list.” Oh, okay, that actually makes sense. “Auston usually only has us here so I got a bit curious. He never talks about his friends here.”

Oh God. What is Mitch even supposed to say here?

Well, they’re not really friends, they met like two times and exchanged about ten whole sentences with each other? Out of which two were about how your son thought Mitch was a girl, haha? Or that they’re not really friends, he only got them the tickets as an apology because he kind of made Mitch cry? Or they’re not really friends because they’re literally just Auston’s baristas/bakers/whatever-you-want-to-call-them who he met, again, like two times in his entire life?

For some reason, Mitch does not believe any of these answers are remotely acceptable.

Of course, this is when Zach and Mo finally decide to stay silent. Typical.

“We’re uhm…” Mitch’s mind is completely blank. “We work at a bakery Auston sometimes comes to?”

“Oh, you’re the muffin guy. Those were delicious.”

And Mitch really, really hates Zach for all those muffin comments. He is not going to start blushing every time someone mentions the word muffins. Nope. 

(He doesn’t start blushing – his face has been red for like five minutes now.)

Meanwhile, Ema Matthews is starting to realize that Mitch is not really contributing to the conversation. (Mitch should also revisit his claim how it’s not possible to have a normal conversation with Matthews. Maybe it has nothing to do with the Matthews family – maybe it’s Mitch who simply has no idea how to converse normally.)

“Anyways,” she says finally, when Mitch still hasn’t said anything. “It was nice meeting you? I hope we’ll see each other again. Preferably with some baked goods, those seem to be your strong side” she jokes and Mitch would like to declare his undying love for her because then she just kindly pats his shoulder and leaves to move back to her place.

“Wait!” Now, of course, he can talk, great job, Mitch. But Auston’s mum just turns back to them with a smile. “What’s your favorite flavor?”

She laughs at him. Mitch is so used to this. “I love chocolate. A lot of chocolate.”

Mitch just nods. Okay, he knows exactly which recipes he’s going to look up tonight.

“Also…” she continues with a wide smile on her face. “Auston loves maple syrup. Just maple syrup with everything. You know, if you would like to return the favor.”

Then she laughs at him again and finally walks back to her seat.

“Please, tell me I misheard that,” he whispers. He doesn’t know when he sat back, but he’s in his seat, his head resting on Mo’s shoulder.

“She was nice about it,” Mo chuckles in his ears.

“That wasn’t an answer to my question. Oh God. Why do I always make an idiot out of myself?”

Mo ruffles his hair a bit. “Look, the third period is about to start.”

So Mitch lets the hockey game wash his thoughts away.

(Auston ends up scoring a hat trick.)

(Ema Matthews waves at them when they get up to leave at the end of the game.

“He had a really good game” she says.

“Yeah, he did.” 

Mitch is such a fascinating conversationalist.)

*  
Mitch doesn’t know how he has a dozen maple cookies and some triple chocolate muffins freshly baked and carefully put away in a little basket the next day.

Okay, so he knows. He made them. 

He might have even got to the bakery earlier then he normally would so that he could finish the cookies without Zach or Mo noticing them.

(They, of course, noticed them cooling on a tray when they got in. 

Zach simply laughed in his face and stole one cookie before going to get changed.

Mo just sighed at him. “You got it bad, kid.”

Mitch refused to talk to either of them for a couple hours.)

But now he has the cookies packed away and time is passing and with every minute Auston Matthews is not in the bakery, Mitch is feeling more and more like the fool he is.

Then it’s past 6 pm. Then Mo and Zach leave because they both have girlfriends waiting for them at home, and Mitch says “sure, I’ll close up, no worries” like he always does. Then it gets completely dark outside and he moves to pack up the remaining food.

Then Auston Matthews comes in.

Mitch is still so confused about him. Confused about the whole situation. But Auston’s smile is still so warm and his “hi, Mitch” is a bit shy and suddenly Mitch is not thinking about the why and the how and the until when of the situation.

Because Mitch doesn’t expect people to stick around. Auston apparently hasn’t got the memo yet.

“Did you enjoy the game last night?” Auston asks.

“Oh my god, so much,” Mitch blurts out and Auston grins at him widely. “Do you wanna give me a recap? Though I’m not even sure your view was as good as ours, man, I saw everything. Also, I have something for you? I heard you like maple syrup, how Canadian of you.”

Mitch knows he’s babbling away but Auston doesn’t seem to mind.

This is how Mitch ends up sitting on the counter with Auston Matthews, snacking on maple cookies and talking about the game yesterday (“hat trick, dude, I was so sad I didn’t have a hat with me”) and how Canadian maple syrup is (Auston does not care, they have it in America, so it’s also American) and then how Canadian John Tavares is (very) and then also how Mitch has the most adorable dog in the world (yes, Auston would like to see a picture of him, or maybe twenty if it’s possible) and then how…

They talk a lot.

And then a bit more.

They finally get off the counter around 10 pm when Auston realizes he has morning skate the next day. Mitch emphatically does not mention the fact that the bakery was supposed to close at 7 pm.

Auston takes the muffins with him (“My mum is gonna love this so much!”) and when he leaves he awkwardly offers Mitch a fistbump.

Mitch only starts laughing about that when Auston finally leaves. 

He stops laughing when he goes to throw their empty coffee cups out and he sees that Auston scribbled something on it. It’s his number and a couple almost illegible words.

“Send me pictures of your dog pls – AM”

Mitch doesn’t expect people to stick around. He wishes some would do though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I have never been inside the Scotiabank Arena nor saw an NHL game live in my entire life. I saw the building once for like 10 minutes when it was still called ACC and I took a bunch of pictures in front it wearing a Golden Knights T-shirt - but that's literally all I know about Toronto so everything I wrote here was completely bullshitted.  
> Do they even have family boxes? Is that a thing?  
> Someone, please tell me I haven't fucked it up completely.


	5. Mitch gets a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitch is slowly coming to terms with the fact that he is, in fact, a friend of Auston Matthews now.
> 
> (In which Mitch lets his guard down a tiny bit.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, I added an extra trigger warning for Internalized Transphobia.  
> If you're concerned about that, I put some extra info at the end, so make sure to check that out.

There are exactly three items that are missing from Mitch’s room. He knows where all three of them are.

The first one is his original copy of Winnie-the-Pooh that Jessica Parker (not Sarah, unfortunately) borrowed in 10th grade and then never returned. Mitch likes reading - not so much the classics or the “good books”, mostly just paperbacks that he can find walking down random streets in little used book stores – but ever since he read Winnie-the-Pooh, he loved it. Then stupid Jessica borrowed it because “oh, Winnie-the-Pooh is so cute, let me read that” and then a year later when Mitch asked her very sheepishly if he could please get it back, Parker just pretended that she didn’t know what Mitch was talking about. So Mitch bought himself another copy but it wasn’t the same edition as the original was, and the illustrations were missing and no matter how much Mitch tried to get back into the story, it just didn’t work like it used to. 

Mitch rarely ever ends up hating people – most times he can’t be bothered to be more than indifferent – but he hated Jessica Parker with a burning passion.

The second and third items were still in his parents’ house and there are days (a lot of days) when Mitch wonders what might have happened to them. Two stuffed animals, a white arctic wolf with a little aviator hat on its head and a mouse that had two little patches on its tummy that Mitch liked to pretend were wounds so he’d had to take care of him. He always saved him.

Mouse and Wolf (because Mitch was clearly a very creative kid) were on his bed when he left his parents’ house. He packed up a couple of things before he talked to his parents (in case it didn’t go well) but he left the two little stuffed animals where they were – they seemed too childish, too much like his past, maybe even too girly. (Mitch hates to admit to that last one. It is still true.)

Now he only has two throw pillows on his bed – both of them from Ikea, one pale blue and one orange. 

He hates them even more than he hates Jessica Parker.

*

Mitch is slowly coming to terms with the fact that he is, in fact, a friend of Auston Matthews now. 

Which sounds ridiculous. But almost a month has passed since Auston left his number on that paper cup and things have been… just really nice. 

Nice sounds like such a general statement, Mitch knows, like it somehow cheapens the whole thing – but there aren’t any words that Mitch could use to explain it. Auston Matthews just fits into Mitch’s life so incredibly easily – like one second he was this famous hockey player Mitch saw on literal billboards and then the next thing he knows, Auston is bringing dog treats for Fangio when he comes on their evening walk.

Fangio was also completely smitten with Auston from the moment they first met. And it’s not like Mitch would have stopped talking to him if he didn’t like Mitch’s dog but… yeah, he probably would have stopped talking to him then and there. Mitch loves that stupid dog.

Auston also ends up spending a good chunk of his time just hanging out in the bakery, though he’s mostly there in the evenings when there’s only a couple of customers coming in to grab some evening food or their this-is-the-last-cup-I-swear coffee. Zach and Mo also got really friendly with him, their initial starstruckness long forgotten – and Mitch is proud to say he only got jealous of them a few times.

(Mitch knows he has issues, okay – irrational, stupid issues that come from his own damn insecurity. Mitch is also great at repressing those as deep as he possibly can, thank you very much.)

And even though they spend quite a lot of time together, there are still a lot of things that just… never come up. Like Mitch’s family situation. Or Mitch being trans. Or Mitch being gay. (Like, Auston knows about the last two, they just never really outright talk about it.)

Mitch is obviously not avoiding these topics. As he said, they just never come up.

But then it’s already December and every stupid shop is playing the same four Christmas songs on repeat and Zach is freaking out about what to get Lauren for Christmas. Auston just came back from a roadie and even though he has dark circles under his eyes, he just keeps laughing at Zach’s exasperation.

“Man, I’m telling you. I fucked up. I got her this scarf for her birthday that she didn’t buy for herself because it was like ridiculously expensive. And then she was so impressed that I went back and got it for her and now I put the bar too fucking high and I obviously can’t get her something worse than that but now I have no idea,” says Zach as he’s sitting on a stool with his forehead resting on the counter. He looks a bit stressed. Just a tiny bit.

“Give her like matching gloves or something” Mitch says, but Zach just lifts his head and shoots him a death glare. Okay, wow, then Mitch does not have on opinion, sorry.

“Give her yourself, you know, just get a bow and voila” Mo says very helpfully. He also gets a death glare but he just laughs at Zach’s face.

“You are both useless and I don’t know why I hang out with you.”

“Well,” Mo starts, “I literally pay you to be here.” 

“Why don’t you take her somewhere? Isn’t it like better to give an experience, you know, instead of a gift or whatever they say?” Auston says, and Mitch snorts at him as he’s cleaning the coffee machine.

“Very eloquent, Matthews”.

“My point is,” says Auston ignoring Mitch’s comment, only rolling his eyes, “that you could take her somewhere for a weekend. After you’re both done with your exams?”

“Yes!” Zach shouts victoriously. “Mo, Mitch, you’re officially fired, Auston is my best buddy from now on.”

“How are you even firing me? We just settled that I’m the one actually employing you,” says Mo.

But Zach is just ignoring him, and goes to open up his Mac, with a fiery look in his eyes. Zach is on a mission.

“So Auston, let me guess. You already have all your gifts bought and wrapped up,” Mitch says as he hops on the counter. Mo does not look impressed, but then there’s no actual customer in the bakery so Mitch doesn’t really care. Mitch is a bad employee, he knows.

“Yepp. At least, I’m done with the presents for my family, Mum and Dad and my sisters, and my Mum is kinda taking care of the extended family so that’s good. I’m still looking for things for the Marleau’s and the kids are so easy to buy for, Patty is the one who’s a bit tougher. He’s just so chill, I’m pretty sure he’d be happy with anything but that’s kind of the worst. Because I still want to get him something that he actually really likes, you know?”

And Mitch guesses he knows, sure? 

But then, does he really? Because as of now, he has exactly four presents, all purchased in advance to avoid the crowds in December. One for Mo, one for Zach and two for Fangio and he’s pretty sure that’s the end of the list. (Maybe it’s not that surprising that Mitch is not really in a holiday mood.)

“Oh Mitch, by the way,” says Mo as he comes back from the kitchen, drying his hands in a kitchen towel. “We’re still on for Christmas Eve, right? Christina is already planning the food, and you can be in charge of desserts.”

Mitch is a bit preoccupied with refilling the little containers of cinnamon and sprinkles on the counter. They are in these really cute little bottles that Mo bought from a craft store nearby where he’s friends with the owner, but they are also super tiny and man, is it a challenge to fill them up. 

“Sure, sure, no plans, thanks Mo,” he says absent-mindedly.

“Wait, you’re not going home for Christmas?” asks Auston and Mitch can feel not only himself but the whole bakery freeze, and a good chunk of the sprinkles Mitch was slowly pouring into the tiny bottles end up spilling all over the counter.

“Shit,” says Mitch and starts to quickly wipe them together. His hands are shaking.

Auston looks panicked. “I didn’t mean to… Shit, let me help” and he goes to grab a paper towel but Mitch grabs his arm. 

“No, I got it, it’s okay.”

“Let me help, man, it’s…”

And Mitch can’t take his face at that moment, looking so open and just radiating warmth and… It just hits too close. “I said I got it!”

The moment Mitch snaps at him, he knows he fucked up – the moment the words leave his mouth, he already wants to take them back. He lets his hand fall from Auston’s arm like he’s been burnt.

Because now Auston looks so hurt and confused and Mitch has to divert his attention from his face because he just can’t bear to look at him anymore, but then he has to look at Mo’s face in the background, looking more disappointed than he’s ever seen him. Mitch feels like a walking disaster.

He’s going to fix this. He has to fix this.

“Wait,” and he grabs Auston’s arm again as he starts to move away. Mitch can feel his muscles under his soft sweater and for a second he feels lightheaded. “I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to shout.”

“It’s okay, Mitch, I’m sorry that…”

But no, Mitch’s is not letting him take the blame for this now. Mitch is growing the hell up now. “No, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for.”

Auston is silent for a second then takes a deep breath. “Mind if I help you with cleaning that up?” he says finally.

Mitch’s heart is doing things that he has learnt to forcefully ignore in the past weeks. “That’d be great.”

They end up cleaning up the sprinkles in silence and then Auston even helps with refilling the little bottles with his stupidly big hands. He’s still somehow more successful at it than Mitch is which is... Mitch should get used to Auston being good at things.

(Mitch also likes watching Auston concentrate while doing something, focusing only on the task at hand and shutting out the outside world completely. Not that Mitch would ever admit this to anyone out loud, he’s not that stupid.)

The topic of Christmas doesn’t come up until two days later when it’s again only Auston and Mitch in the bakery, just before closing hour. They’re both sipping some decaf out of the stupid-looking mugs Mo has accumulated for the bakery over the years. Mitch has dibs on the mug with the weird looking, one-eyed monsters all over it dressed for different sports (Mitch has a soft spot for the little blue monster who’s only wearing soccer shoes and holds a ball very strategically in front of him) and Auston kind of decided that the pale yellow mug that has JAKE written on it in a way too vibrant blue is somehow rightfully his.

(Mitch thinks it is ridiculously adorable but again, Mitch has also learnt to never share his opinion on Auston Matthews’ anything with anyone ever. This is simple self-preservation.)

“Can I ask you something?” asks Auston as he finally closes Instagram and turns his phone upside down. His case is a simple black one and Mitch desperately wants him to change it to something more Auston-y.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” adds Auston and that puts Mitch on alert. That’s never a good thing.

“Okay, noted,” says Mitch slowly.

“So you’re spending Christmas with Mo, right?” he asks, then only continues when Mitch nods. “Why aren’t you going home?”

Okay, so maybe Mitch might have been avoiding this topic in the past month. It’s not like he doesn’t trust Auston with personal stuff – it’s actually kind of the opposite. Because Auston is a good listener and apart from that one major exception (which they also don’t really talk about), he’s also so good with the gender things, always uses to correct pronouns and never asks stupid questions about Mitch’s deadname or anything like that, and he’s funny and just great to be around - and Mitch hates how big of a crush he has on him, honestly, because Auston is such a nice person and Mitch is so lucky to have him as a friend. He doesn’t want to fuck this up.

And even though they’ve known each other for a ridiculously short time, Mitch got really used to him being there. But he also knows that Auston has such a normal life. Which sounds weird when you think about it – hockey prodigies are probably not what you’d call an average person – but… Auston has a great family, great sisters and simply amazing parents and he always talks about his mum like she’s the greatest person on the planet, which is probably true even if Mitch only met her once. 

Mitch just wants to be normal too, have a normal family and a normal life and worry about what to get his whoever for Christmas. But no matter how desperately he wishes that, it’s not happening. He doesn’t have a normal life, he doesn’t have a normal family and he is not normal.

(And he knows Zach would probably smack him on the head for this, especially for that last one, but Zach is not here and Mitch learnt to not say some things in front of him. Mitch is not proud of himself.)

But Auston is still here, still waiting for an answer and Mitch might avoid his problems, but he’s not going to lie when they are right there in his face.

“We’re… not really on speaking terms. My parents and I.”

“Oh, because you’re...” Auston starts to say, then hesitates.

“Because I told them I was transgender, yeah. They didn’t take it well.”

“I’m really sorry, Mitch. I can’t even imagine that,” says Auston finally, and Mitch still can’t meet his eyes.

“It’s… well, it’s not okay. But they didn’t like throw me out or anything. They just told me that they didn’t believe that trans people existed and that it’s just something that’s been you know, shoved down people’s throat in the media. I told them I wouldn’t stay if they didn’t agree with me and to only call me if they can, you know, call me by my name and accept me and shit. They never did. End of story.”

“Mitch…”

“But I have Mo and I have Zach and they’re great and I’m spending my Christmas at Mo’s and they like me and they give treats to Fangio and they make the best food ever so…” Mitch is rambling and only stops when Auston tentatively places his thumb on Mitch’s first knuckle. 

It’s barely even a touch but it’s the only thing Mitch can feel right now, his complete attention focusing on those nerve endings in his hand. Then in a moment of insanity, without even recognizing what he’s doing, he interlaces their fingers. He squeezes Auston’s hand for a moment and then slowly, very slowly lets go of him.

(It’s not handholding.)

Auston is silent for a second, his hand still in the same position as Mitch left it.

“I’m spending Christmas Eve with the Marleau’s and then my family is flying in for like a week but we should do something. Our own Christmas, you know,” says Auston.

And Mitch knows Auston is feeling sorry for him because everyone does. The offer still feels nice.

“Sure, that sounds great.”

“We could go skating,” says Auston with a hopeful smile on his face.

“Don’t you skate enough already? You’re gonna forget how to walk.”

“No, no, listen, it’s gonna be great. I’ll get us ice time and you can show me how great of a hockey player you are and then we’re gonna get lunch at that place I’ve been meaning to try out for ages, John is like obsessed with it and then…”

And Mitch has a ridiculous crush on this ridiculous man and Mitch knows he’s going to get his heart broken but for this minute and the next and maybe a couple more after that, he’ll let himself pretend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized Transphobia: It's not very explicit, but I know even the subtext can be very triggering for a lot of people. Mitch has some not-so-kind thoughts about him "not being normal" that are heavily influenced by his internalized issues. If you feel that might be problematic for you, please don't read this chapter.
> 
> Mitch is not where he wants to be in terms of self-acceptance but he's getting there.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and take care of yourself, friend. <3


	6. Mitch gets some new clothes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitch would like to die now. Just someone take him out, one quick bullet, clean work, mission accomplished.
> 
> Maybe Mitch is being a bit overdramatic.
> 
> (In which Mitch is definitely hurting but he also gets his comfort.)

One of the first questions that Mitch was asked when he first started attending the trans support group was this: when was the first time you realized that you were trans?

Mitch never liked that question. Maybe it was him who misunderstood the thing or maybe he just didn’t get the purpose of it but it made him so uncomfortable. Because what are you even supposed to say to that?

That time when he was in kindergarten and asked one of the boys to teach him how to pee standing up?

Or the time when he first stood in front of the mirror, desperately trying to flatten his chest but it just wouldn’t work, it just wouldn’t, no matter which way he distorted his body?

Or the day he buzzed all his hair off and couldn’t stop touching it, just stroking his hand through it over and over again?

Or the day he finally sat down and googled ‘how to tell you’re trans?’, wishing it would tell him the secret, wishing he could take a quiz or a test on it and get the results back and just finally know?

He doesn’t remember the first time he realized he was trans because it was never one moment – realizing it has been his whole life so far.

*

Mitch would like to die now. Just someone take him out, one quick bullet, clean work, mission accomplished.

Maybe Mitch is being a bit overdramatic.

Oh, never mind, another cramp. Get him the gun, he’ll do it himself.

“Buddy, just go home, you look terrible,” Zach pats his shoulder as he goes to make a cappuccino for a lady in bright blue skirt and matching handbag, who is currently standing in line and who keeps shooting worrying glances in Mitch’s direction.

Which… Mitch gets it. He is slumped over the end of the counter, pressing a hot water bottle to his abdomen and occasionally starts grunting. He’d be worried about him too.

“I’m fine, Zach. I can’t really do anything if I go home. The painkillers decided they would not like to cooperate today.”

“No, kid, seriously. Go home. I’ll get you some pasta salad and some chocolate, and then off you go,” joins in Mo, as he steps out of his office and places a warm hand on Mitch’s head. It feels really nice.

“Why do you want me to suffer alone?” sighs Mitch, head still resting on his hand that’s not holding the water bottle, enjoying the couple seconds Mo ruffles his hair.

“Frankly, because you basically dying on the counter is not the sort of advertising I’m looking for. You’re scaring the customers.”

“Fine. Give me two minutes, then I’ll go.”

“I can even give you five, I’m in such a charitable mood. I’ll pack up your dinner,” says Mo and leaves to go back to the kitchen.

Mitch is just about to get up when he hears a very familiar voice and also jesus, Mitchell, you can already recognize him by just the way he smells? 

“Mitch, what’s wrong?” asks Auston, because obviously, just obviously, who else could it be?

Mitch’s head snaps up so quickly, he can see little black dots in front of his eyes for a second. He can also see a very concerned looking Auston Matthews.

“I just…” starts Mitch, and if he just moves the hot bottle away from his abdomen very, very slowly, Auston is surely not going to recognize it?

Auston’s eyes, of course, focus in on his moving hand immediately. “What’s hurting?”

Okay, Mitch does not have the energy to deal with this right now.

“Cramps,” he says and is very proud of himself for not breaking eye contact with Auston.

“That hurt that much? Did you go to the doctor?”

Oh my sweet summer child.

“They’re not really that kind of cramps?” Mitch offers and yep, he’s taking back his comment about being brave, the countertop just looks fascinating today.

“Oh.” Auston says and when Mitch finally looks up, he can see when the realization dawns on him. “Oh.”

Mitch would like to go home now. Or you know, if the sniper still wants to take him out, he’s not fussy.

“It’s all good. I’m about to head home. I’m officially banned from the bakery,” says Mitch and then Mo finally comes out of the kitchen with some Tupperware containers and places them on the counter.

“Give me your apron, and go home,” says Mo and extends his hand towards Mitch.

When he’s finally ready to go, Auston is still standing there.

“Let me take you home,” he says and goes to grab the containers from the counter as Mitch puts on his coat.

“It’s fine, Auston. You have a game tonight, you should be already heading home.”

“Okay, let me rephrase that: I’m taking you home.”

And he looks so stubborn and Mitch is spending about 98% of his energy on staying upright, so he just shrugs at him. It beats taking the bus, for sure.

They wave their goodbyes to Mo and Zach (who are both grinning like Christmas came early when they see them leave together and Mitch again, does not have the energy to deal with their idiocy) and thank God, Auston parked his car like only one block away. Mitch is so grateful when he’s finally sitting down again.

Auston pulls out of the parking place in one swift motion and by the time, they’re on their way, Mitch has already found a radio station that is playing a One Direction song. Perfect.

“Oh God, I’m pretty sure Steve and his girlfriend are at our place. They’re always so loud,” sighs Mitch and he rests his head against the glass when they stop at a red light.

“I can take you back to my place,” say Auston after a couple seconds of silence.

Mitch is not going to verbalize the first thing that comes to his mind after hearing that. Or the second. Maybe not even the third.

“That’s really not necessary, Auston. Also, you have a game today.”

“Yeah, but you can take a nap while I’m gone and then we can hang out. Or you can just sleep, that’s fine too, whatever you want.”

“That’s like super kind of you, but I’ll manage. Maybe they’re not even there.”

“Mitch. Please.”

Mitch knows it’s a bad idea. He says yes.

*

Auston’s place is not as fancy as Mitch expected it to be.

Don’t get him wrong, it is fancy. The kind of fancy Mitch is not going to be able to afford in this life or maybe even the one after this. But it’s also reasonably sized for only one person living there, and while everything – the couches, the TV, the granite countertops and shiny metal appliances – scream expensive, Mitch can also see so many traces of Auston everywhere. From the colorful mugs and bowls abandoned all over the kitchen, the pieces of clothing and blankets lying discarded in various places and the family pictures that Mitch is certain that Auston’s mum put up but that Auston secretly adores, the whole place looks lived in and comfortable and just so Auston-y.

“Sorry about the mess,” says Auston when they step in.

“It’s alright,” murmurs Mitch and if his body wouldn’t want to murder him currently, he’d certainly feel way more out of place and self-conscious, but now he just goes to one of the couches and ungracefully flops down on it.

The couch is exceptionally comfortable and Mitch would like to stay there forever, thank you very much.

“I’d tell you to make yourself comfortable but I guess you beat me to it,” smirks Auston and makes his way over to Mitch. “You wanna borrow some clothes? Those do not look comfy at all,” he says and points at his jeans and button down.

Mitch is still in pain. That’s his only excuse for his brain going “wearing Auston’s clothes” and then basically combusting inside his head.

“Yeah, sure.”

Auston disappears, and then when he gets back to Mitch (who was not falling asleep, he was just resting his eyes) he’s holding a pair of sweats and a T-shirt.

“Are you hungry?” he asks when Mitch finally gets up from the couch to get the clothes from Auston’s hand. 

“No, I’m good, I’m not sick, you don’t have to go all mother hen on me.” He stops for a bit. “Uhm… where can I change?”

“Oh, bathroom’s over there, on the left. Sorry, I’m just used to the guys starting to get rid of their clothes wherever they want.”

“All the guys stripping for you? Wow, Matthews,” laughs Mitch.

Auston just rolls his eyes. “In the locker room, jesus, Marner.” 

“Sure, buddy. I’ll keep your secret.”

Mitch is still laughing a bit when he goes to change.

Then he promptly stops when he realizes that he’s standing in Auston’ bathroom wearing a binder and… Oh, no.

Mitch did not think this through.

It’s not like Auston is not completely aware of the fact that he’s trans. The very reason Mitch is currently in his condo is because Mitch is trans and still on his fucking… period. Mitch can say the word, words do not have power over him.

(He struggles with it even when it’s only in his head.)

So Auston knows and Mitch knows that he knows and Mitch is still not going out of this bathroom without his binder, wearing only the navy blue T-shirt Auston gave him. 

For a second, he entertains the idea of napping in his binder but he quickly shuts that down. Then with a sigh he goes to remove his binder and put on the T-shirt and nope, it’s definitely not hiding anything Mitch wants to hide. Shit, shit, shit.

Maybe Auston won’t notice anything. Maybe he’s already gone. 

(Mitch blinks back some angry tears and then washes his face with cold water. Then dries it and does it again. And a third time.)

When he goes back to the living room, he has his arms crossed over his chest and Auston is chilling on the couch, scrolling through his phone.

“Uhm… Could I get a hoodie or something?” asks Mitch, and when his voice shakes at the end, Auston snaps his head up immediately.

“Sure, you’re cold? I can turn the heat up.” 

“No… it’s just…” Mitch’s brain scrambles for something, anything to put at the end of that sentence but what is he supposed to say? That he would rather jump out of the window than let Auston see him like this? 

Then Mitch just involuntarily crosses his arms closer together, pushing them back against himself, and then he can see Auston’s eyes going a bit lower and Mitch is really going to start crying again.

“Can I just get a hoodie, please?” and his voice is too high and it also breaks at the end of his sentence and yes, there are the tears he thought he stopped in the bathroom.

“Shit, of course, sorry, Mitch…” starts Auston and moves a bit towards him but then he stops abruptly when Mitch, without thinking, takes a step back. “I’m getting you a hoodie, yeah, just stay here.”

Then he goes somewhere again but quickly reappears with a heavy, black hoodie and as soon as he hands it over, he turns around and goes to the kitchen without a word.

(It’s probably that moment when Mitch falls in love with him, with an irrevocable finality.)

The hoodie is probably oversized even for Auston, so it ends up being incredibly huge on Mitch but he welcomes the feeling of the thick fabric just enveloping him. It also smells faintly of Auston and his laundry detergent and Mitch would probably do something stupid like burying his nose in it deeply and just keep sniffing it until he can’t smell anything else, but then Auston comes back with a mug of something so Mitch just hops back on the couch and accepts it without making a complete idiot out of himself. Again.

“I made you some tea. Which… I don’t really know what I’m supposed to give you, so feel free to laugh at me, but like it’s warm and it has ginger in it and that’s like… supposed to be good for everyone, I guess?”

(Or maybe that’s the moment Mitch falls for him.)

“Thanks, that’s good. I’m gonna be fine though, you don’t have to keep bringing me stuff. I can probably take another painkiller now as well, so that will hopefully take care of the pain. It’s all good,” says Mitch and he goes to fish out a bright pink pill out of the pockets of his jeans. Of course, it’s bright pink.

“Okay, well. Then I’m going to change into my suit. But shout if you need anything else, okay? And just rest while I’m gone, okay?” he says but then he doesn’t actually move to get up, just keeps looking at Mitch with these worried Bambi eyes and gosh, Mitch never had a chance.

He pokes him in the shoulder and even though the cramps are starting up again, he even manages a smile in Auston’s direction. “Just go, jesus, I’m not gonna die if you leave. Go, make Toronto happy. Score a couple of goals.”

Auston also cracks a smile at that, and then very slowly stands up. When he finally leaves the living room, Mitch just grabs a fluffy red blanket from the floor and makes himself a comfortable nest out of the pillows on the couch. Ahh, yes. That’s what Mitch needed.

Auston is gone for like 15 minutes but when he comes back, Mitch is half asleep. The painkillers are definitely kicking in.

If Mitch could keep his eyes open for more than a second, he would most probably have a heart attack over the fact that Auston is wearing a very expensive-looking, incredibly well-tailored suit, but in his hazy mind he only half registers this.

When Auston sees that he’s blinking up sleepily at him, he just snorts quietly. “Sleep, Mitch.”

Then Mitch finally closes his eyes and falls asleep to the rhythm of soft noises coming out of the kitchen.

(As he drifts away, he could swear he felt someone kiss the top of his head - just the smallest of touches, soft as a feather, over before it even started.

Damn those stupid painkillers.)


	7. Mitch has a lot of feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like, he’s pretty sure his pupils literally went heart-shaped because Auston Matthews is a gentleman and a kind soul and he brought Mitch food.
> 
> (In which Mitch lets his guard down even more and then just ends up smashing the whole thing with a sledgehammer.)

The first time Mitch came out to someone was on the 31st of May, 11:10 pm in a crowded bar in downtown Toronto.

Mitch doesn’t even remember the girl’s name.

What he remembers is that she was very tall, very blonde and had a very kind smile. Mitch was also very drunk and when the girl started telling a story about her sister and her transgender girlfriend, Mitch just couldn’t keep it to himself anymore and blurted out “I think I’m trans” in the middle of her sentence.

She just looked at Mitch and said that “you’re very brave” and “everything’s going to be alright” and “thank you for trusting me with this” and “here’s my number if you ever want to talk to someone”.

Mitch was not brave at all, things were definitely not alright and Mitch waited exactly 10 minutes after she was gone before he deleted her number from his phone.  
He did trust her though, that one was true at least – but then is it really trusting someone when you don’t even know them?

People talk about trust and acceptance all the time – and then go on to blurt out their biggest secrets to people on the Internet and to cab drivers they’ll never see again and to girls in bars who have kind smiles and sisters with a trans girlfriend.

Mitch hopes wherever that girl is, she’s okay and she’s happy.

*

When Mitch wakes up, he feels overheated and drowsy but his body finally decided to calm down a bit, so he takes that as a win for now.

When Mitch wakes up, he also realizes that he is indeed still in Auston’s condo and he’s in Auston’s clothes and for a long second, he has no idea what to do with this information.

Auston is clearly gone and the whole place is completely quiet and dark and when Mitch grabs his jeans and fishes his phone out of his back pocket, he sees that it’s almost 8.30 pm. He slept for a long time.

He looks around and when he spots his pile of clothes, he goes straight to the bathroom to put his binder back on and he even finds a spare toothbrush under the sink to brush his teeth with.

Then he has absolutely no idea what to do with himself.

He’s alone in Auston’s apartment. Why did Auston think that was a good idea? Why did Mitch, for that matter?

He’s alone now and that’s not good because he doesn’t know who he’s supposed to do with himself but then when Auston actually comes back that’s also not going to be good because then they’re going to be alone in Auston’s condo and then what is Mitch supposed to do? “Hang out”? What does “hang out” even mean? Does “hang out” mean spending time together because Auston feels sorry for him for being… like this? Or does it mean just bros being bros, nothing special? 

And it’s not like Mitch doesn’t trust Auston, he does, that’s already settled. And he likes spending time with him. But is he weirded out by Mitch now? Will he treat him the same? Will his stupid bodily function scare him away? 

Mitch has questions.

(Mitch has got to calm the fuck down.)

Oh, wait, the game is still probably on. The game Auston is actually playing in. Hockey is good, hockey is familiar – if there’s hockey on the screen that means Mitch does not have to think anymore.

*

“Two goals, two assists, that’s what I’m talking about,” Mitch greets Auston as he steps into the living room a couple hours later.

(Mitch is not freaking out anymore.

Mitch might have also eaten all the chocolate Mo gave him between the end of the game and Auston coming home but he’ll take that over a nervous breakdown.)

Auston drops his bag and his coat as he comes in, and okay, now Mitch is not even thinking about freaking out because that suit should not be allowed on Auston Matthews for the sake of Mitch’s wellbeing and proper brain functions. It’s literally like someone shut the power down in there and Mitch is mere seconds away from starting to drool. That suit.

“Are you okay? Are you feeling better?” Auston asks completely ignoring Mitch’s greeting as he takes a seat next to him. He leaves a quite significant place between them. Mitch does not know how he feels about that.

“I’m feeling much better, thank you. But again: two goals and two assists, that’s what I’m talking about, Matthews.”

And Auston just shrugs at Mitch’s word. You know, just now big deal, who even counts those? (The NHL officials, that’s who.)

“I also picked up some take-out,” says Auston instead. “You said you liked Korean so I got you some… okay, I don’t actually remember the name but it’s like this sushi-like thingy with the veggies inside? But to be completely honest, it kinda looked weird so then I went and got some tacos from my favourite place too. But you can choose whatever you want, of course, either or you know, both I’m good with anything and… yeah, I’m gonna go get them now,” he finishes and stands up quickly and Mitch would say his awkward rambling is the most adorable thing he has ever heard but Mitch is also sort of busy making heart eyes at Auston fucking Matthews.

Like, he’s pretty sure his pupils literally went heart-shaped because Auston Matthews is a gentleman and a kind soul and he brought Mitch food.

But before he could even think about that, Auston is back and puts all the food down in front of him with some plates, and man, does that smell like heaven. Then Auston goes to change but Mitch must still be under the effects of the painkillers because it feels like Auston is sitting next to him again just after a couple of seconds, and - okay, Mitch is missing the suit but he still needs to take a couple of deep breaths when he looks at Auston looking all home-y with his washed out T-shirt and sweats.

Mitch is not going to survive this night, is he?

“So tell me about the game, I kinda slept through the first two periods.” Mitch’s voice doesn’t even crack over the word “period”, he’s so proud of himself.  
Also, this kimbap he’s eating, jesus, it’s the best thing he has ever had. 

Auston just smiles at him with a look on his face that Mitch can’t really comprehend but then eventually goes into details about the game, barely even mentioning his goals, but then basically showers Willy with praise for some amazing thing he did, while Mitch is happily munching away on his food. Mitch doesn’t know who made the food but he would like to kiss them, thank you very much.

“Also, it was such a bullshit penalty, like literally, Naz wasn’t even near but sure, let’s pretend that he cross-checked the guy and…”

And… Mitch might have missed the majority of that particular story because he was too busy staring at Auston but Auston doesn’t seem to notice or mind - and honestly, Mitch is not even feeling bad about it because passionate Auston talking about the injustice his team faced? Mitch is weak and Mitch is shallow but that Auston is literally the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his life.

“Anyways,” says Auston and Mitch tries to pull himself back to reality. “Do you wanna watch something? I mean if you really feel better.”

“No, I’m good, I think. At least for now. But it’s also getting late, so you know, I should probably go or something…”

Or something. Yes, Mitch, that made you really look like someone who actually wants to leave this place.

“Come on, it’s already late. You can go home in the morning. I have two guest bedrooms, you can even choose.”

Mitch should most definitely not stay the night at Auston’s place.

(He stays.)

*

They end up watching Brooklyn 99 after a few minutes of scrolling through Netflix which is always a good choice because Mitch has never met a person who genuinely disliked it.

Mitch also has absolutely no idea what the episodes they watched were even about because Auston Matthews is sitting next to him on the couch, their bodies not touching but Mitch can still feel the warmth radiating off of Auston and maybe he could ignore that but then around 5 minutes into the first episode, Auston shifted a bit and now his knee is pressing against Mitch’s knee, and Mitch does not move away but Mitch is also having trouble breathing and the only thing he can feel now is Auston’s knee next to his, and his arm just a couple inches from Mitch’s arm and Mitch is losing his damn mind right about now.

But sure, yeah, Brooklyn 99 is a nice show.

“Are you sure you’re not tired?” Auston asks, as another episode starts up on the screen.

“Are you tired, old man?”

“At least come up with something creative. And aren’t you older than me actually?”

Mitch pokes him in the shoulder because Mitch is obviously not able to keep his stupid hands to himself and also because Auston has to be poked for that comment.

“Technicalities, Matthews, not important.”

They watch the episode silently for a little before Auston starts talking again. “So, I talked to my Mum.”

Okay?

“And?”

“And they’re flying in on the 25th and we’re having a little family thing that day – like I obviously have a game but mostly after that – and I mentioned her that you are sticking around in Toronto during the holidays…”

Mitch goes very, very still.

“No, I mean, I didn’t tell her anything about like your… situation?” He winces at the word. “Like your family situation? Just that you’re not going home for Christmas, so she said that you should definitely spend it with us. If you want.” He finishes awkwardly.

Mitch is again having trouble breathing but now for an entirely different reason.

“That’s…” And he stops but Auston is still waiting for his answer patiently. “That’s a lot. Like it’s very kind of you.”

“So you’re coming?” and he starts smiling but no, Mitch, can’t do this.

“No, I… I don’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t, Mitch, it’s just small family…”

Mitch definitely can’t do this. “That’s the problem, Auston, that it’s your family.” 

“You… don’t want to meet my family?” says Auston, and shit, that’s not what Mitch wanted to say and now Auston looks like a puppy that Mitch just kicked to the ground.

“No, no, I would love to meet them. But it’s your family, I don’t want to mess that up.”

“But…” Auston looks at him, confusion written all over his face. “How would you mess that up?”

And then it might be the painkillers or Auston sitting there next to him but Mitch just loses it for a second.

“Like I didn’t mess up my own family, right.” Oh, no.

Mitch never meant to say that out loud. Mitch has never said that out loud. Shit, shit, shit.

“Mitch, that is…”

“Look,” and yes, of course, Mitch is again blinking back tears and he can’t seem to take those back just like he can’t seem to take his words back – no matter how much he wants to now. “I know it’s not true.”

“It’s not,” says Auston, with a determination Mitch rarely sees from him.

And then Auston is looking at him with this open face and Mitch doesn’t know what he wants from him, whether he should say an explanation or some sort of reassurance that he knows he’s just kidding or whatever but now… shit, Mitch might as well go all in now, right? It’s not like he can say anything worse than that?

“I know, it’s not true. I know, okay? That doesn’t change that fact that I still feel like I did. Because… people just don’t get it, okay? I had a great family, I know my parents loved me. And then I told them and now they don’t love me and that… it’s just logical, you know? I told them, so I was the one who fucked it up.”

And now Auston is silent, and Mitch can feel a teardrop escaping and his breathing is definitely getting panicky, and his eyes are fixed on the TV screen, not even risking taking a look at Auston. The episode is still going and they probably just said something funny because there’s laughter that Mitch can hear even over the thumping in his ears.

“You know… just going by your logic, it’s still their fault,” says Auston finally.

“I know,” says Mitch but his voice is trembling too much now. “I just… I still don’t want it to be their fault. I don’t want it to be anyone’s. And it still is. And I know it’s stupid, okay? Because I know what they did was shitty. I just…” and now Mitch is full on crying and he will feel so ashamed tomorrow but it’s like he’s now past his breaking point and there’s no going back. “I just want them to love me and it’s not happening.”

“Oh, Mitch…” and Auston moves towards him but just before Mitch could finally feel his hands on him, he stops. “Can I give you a hug? Is that okay?”

And Mitch makes a noise that’s halfway between a laugh and a cry and nods. “That would be okay, yes.”

And when Auston opens his arms, he just crashes into him – with no grace and no second thoughts. 

And then Auston holds him close, and Mitch’s tears are muffled by his shoulder, and he smells so good and Mitch does not want to let go.

He should though. He really should.

(Minutes start to pass and the episode is over and didn’t it just start?)

Auston doesn’t pull away though, his head resting on top of Mitch’s head. And when Mitch’s crying starts to die down, and he’s almost able to breathe normally, he still keeps him there. 

“I hate that you feel the way you do,” starts Auston, voice barely above a whisper in Mitch’s ear. “But I would also love you to meet my family. And they would be really happy to meet you, too.”

“They don’t even know me.”

“I might have mentioned you a couple times,” says Auston.

Mitch is glad his watery smile is hidden in Auston’s shoulder. “You might have?”

“I might have.”

Mitch is silent for a second. “Okay. If you really think it’s okay.” 

And then he gathers all his willpower to slowly let go of Auston.

But now Auston is looking at him with a puzzled expression. “Why are you leaving?”

“I’m not leaving?” says Mitch.

“Then come back here,” says Auston and opens his arms wider. “I was comfy.”

And look: Mitch is only human. Maybe a bit selfish, definitely flawed but Auston is asking and Mitch is not about to say no.

So he just goes back, not crashing into him like he did before, but placing himself into Auston’s space with deliberate movements and as a deliberate decision, until he’s lying half way across Auston’s lap.

(It’s not cuddling.)

“Now, that’s better,” sighs Auston. “Can we watch baseball now, though?”

Mitch laughs into his hoodie. “Yeah, Auston, we can. Just wake me up when I fall asleep after the first minute.”

“Hey. Baseball’s not boring,” says Auston and flicks through the channels. “You’re gonna love it.”

“Sure, buddy, sure I will.”

And Auston doesn’t say that “everything’s going to be alright” or asks him to talk or thanks him for trusting him. 

(He does make him feel safe though, the safest he’s felt in a long time.)

With Auston’s body next to his, his breath as a calm and stable presence in his ears, Mitch is wondering if it’s even possible to break a heart that’s already in pieces.


	8. Mitch goes skating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Was this a date?” he asks finally. 
> 
> It feels like a punch to the gut.
> 
> (In which Mitch goes skating with Auston.)

It was Mitch’s mum who taught him how to bake.

While his dad and his brother, Chris, were out somewhere – fishing, fixing the car, playing baseball, all the other things Mitch was never invited to do – he and his mum would spend the whole day baking.

His mum’s favorite thing was spongecake so that was the first thing Mitch learnt to do but then he quickly moved onto other stuff – tartes, pies, muffins, even crème brûlée a couple times.

When he was around 13, his mum just sort of appointed him as the dessert person in the family and from there on, he was in charge of all the birthday cakes and desserts for all kinds of celebrations. When an uncle or an aunt or someone from their extended family would come over, they would automatically come up to Mitch to tell him how great the fruitcake was, and wow, next time make sure to pack them some extra, honey.

Mitch still loves baking but Mitch doesn’t make spongecakes anymore.

*

“So you named your dog after a guy who’s been dead for like twenty something years now?”

Auston is very clearly laughing at him.

“He was a five-time Formula One champion! He’s not just some random guy I picked,” says Mitch as he finished putting the scones on their little shelf. Mitch is not trying to praise himself but they do smell simply divine.

“Oh, but wait,” chimes in Zach with the biggest grin on his face, “you’re missing the best part.”

“Zach…” starts Mitch warningly. As warningly as he can while wearing a baby blue apron and looking like a 12-year-old boy who snuck into the kitchen for a cookie – Mitch will grow facial hair one day, and it will be glorious.

Zach completely ignores Mitch. “The best part is that Mitch doesn’t even like Formula One. But when he adopted the dog, he already had a name so Mitch was like “it is absolutely necessary for me to be up to date with my dog’s favorite sport”.”

And now Zach and Auston are laughing at him and Mitch is certain that the customer who just paid for his damn bread and coffee and should be on his way already, is also snorting at him. Just wonderful.

“At least, I care about the wellbeing of my child.”

“Fangio is a dog, Mitch,” says Zach.

“If that makes you feel better, I think it’s very cute,” says Auston while smiling into his coffee. Zach made him some very extravagant coffee with a super detailed latte art on top and Mitch is not jealous at all.

Zach snorts and mumbles something under his nose that sounds suspiciously like “of course, you would” but says nothing aloud so Mitch only has a slight urge to smack him on the head.

“Mo,” hollers Mitch into Mo’s office. “I’m done with the baking, is it okay if I go now?”

“Sure, have fun!” shouts Mo back.

“Thank you, you’re the best!”

That finally stops Zach’s laughing at least. “Wait, where are you going? Aren’t you having Christmas dinner at Mo’s?”

“Yeah, but I asked if I could take the afternoon off. We’re going skating,” says Mitch and points at Auston who seems very interested in his coffee for some reason.

Zach is silent for a second, and Mitch has learnt to associate bad things with that. 

“The two of you are going skating?” and now he’s grinning. “That is the most…”

“Zachary, do not…” and even though Mitch is pulling out the I’m-disappointed-in-you-so-I’m-using-your-full-name card, it has absolutely no effect on Zach.

“… the most adorable thing I’ve heard.”

“Oh, jesus, get lost, will you? Here, put my apron back, we’re leaving right now,” says Mitch and no, he is not blushing as he basically chucks the apron at Zach’s laughing face. “Come on, Auston.”

“Have a nice date, guys,” says Zach.

Mitch smacks him on the head. Zach had it coming.

*

Mitch has not been on the ice for a long time now. It feels bloody amazing to be back.

For a second, Mitch even forgets that Auston is also on the ice with him, because the smooth glide of his skates just takes over him (Mitch doesn’t even know where Auston got the skates from, but when they got to the practice facility’s changing room, they were already waiting for him) and he starts skating without even thinking about it, just to hear the noise that his skates make on the surface again and again.

“Can I admit that I thought you were worse?” says Auston when Mitch finally completes a lap and gets back to him.

“You have so little faith in me, Matthews. I am Canadian.”

“So you wanna race me?” grins Auston at him. “Just to show how Canadian you are?”

“Go away, that’s not fair. But I always wanted to learn how to skate backwards. I just never got around to it.”

“Let me show you the way then, young Padawan.”

Auston is enjoying this way too much.

Auston also looks amazing, like just by having ice under his feet he’s suddenly lighting up from the inside and Mitch is definitely not going to learn anything from him if he can’t get himself to concentrate on anything other than Auston Matthews’ face radiating happiness and joy and all the beautiful emotions Mitch loves to see on his face all around himself.

(Auston looks happy, that’s all Mitch is saying here.)

“Okay, now you try,” says Auston finally and Mitch has no idea what he’s even supposed to do here but before he could ask, Auston literally just grabs his hand and turns him around.

They’re holding hands.

Mitch hopes Zach has already prepared his eulogy because Mitch is about to have a heart attack.

“Come on, Marner. It’s not that hard, you just gotta move your feet now,” says Auston.

“It’s easy for you to say, you’ve been on the ice since you were born. You do this for a living.”

“I’m not letting you fall, Mitch, just try moving a bit.”

(“I’m not letting you fall”. Bit too late for that, Auston.)

Mitch is not actually bad at skating so as soon as he’s able to concentrate just a little more on how to move his legs and a little less on Auston (not a lot less, but Mitch deserves kudos for even that), he’s actually starting to get the hang of it.

He does fall once. 

“Don’t laugh at me, Matthews, you said you wouldn’t let me fall, you liar,” moans Mitch as he’s lying on the ice, just completely sprawled out like a starfish. Auston is laughing way too hard at him, he is a terrible person. “At least help me get up.”

So then Auston grabs his hand again and yanks him up and now Mitch is standing way too close to him and wow, hi, Auston has really beautiful eyelashes.

Auston is also not stepping back from him like he should, just keeps his hand in Mitch’s hand.

Why is Auston not stepping back from him?

Why is Auston not saying anything?

Why is he looking at him like that?

(In a moment of insanity, Mitch thinks Auston is about to kiss him.)

Someone slams a door somewhere in the building, the sound resonating through the whole rink and Auston lets go of his hand like he’s been burnt.

“We should probably go. You don’t want to be late from Mo,” he says and moves to skate towards the changing room.

Mitch most definitely does not care about being late from Mo, but Auston is already almost off the ice, so Mitch follows him like he always does.

*

The car ride is filled with an awkward silence.

It’s not like they are never silent or awkward around each other. But when they are, Mitch knows the reason for it, whether it was him who said something stupid or Auston or maybe both. But now Auston just decided to shut down completely, barely even saying a word to Mitch since they left the ice. They changed out of their skates in almost complete silence, with the occasional attempts from Mitch to lighten the mood a bit. 

He gave up after the third time Auston gave him a one-word answer.

And now they’re almost at Mitch’s place, and Mitch doesn’t want to leave things like this but he also has no idea how he could fix something he doesn’t remember breaking. Auston runs a red light but Mitch keeps his usual scolding to himself.

When they pull up in front of his building, Auston is still silent.

“So thank you for today. I… I hope you’ll have fun at the Marleau’s tonight,” says Mitch, desperately trying to sound casual and failing.

“Yeah,” says Auston and Mitch is at a dead end here.

“Bye then,” he says finally, and gets out of the car.

But before he could get to his door, he hears another door slam from the car.

“Mitch,” and Mitch is not proud of how quickly he’s back by the car after Auston calls after him.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been terrible company.”

“It’s okay, I… you don’t always have to be in a chatty mood,” says Mitch and looks up at Auston but now it’s him who’s avoiding his eyes.

He doesn’t say anything else for almost a minute.

“Was this a date?” he asks finally. 

It feels like a punch to the gut.

“If it’s because of what Zach said…” starts Mitch but Auston interrupts him.

“No, it’s just… Do you think it was a date?” and he finally looks into Mitch’s eyes but all Mitch sees is confusion - and maybe a little fear. He doesn’t like that look.

“Don’t let Zach mess with your head, come on. We’re friends, Auston. You’re not gay. It clearly wasn’t a date.”

“But you are gay. Did you want it to be a date?”

Shit.

And the thing is, Mitch should be happy he had more than a month with Auston, he knows that. Most guys usually freak out on the first day he tells them he’s trans and he’s gay, and Auston lasted for so long and he was also really good about things and Mitch should not be surprised in the slightest that even he got to this point – everyone does. 

Mitch also feels like he’s just been boarded into the walls and they didn’t even play hockey.

“Just because I’m gay that doesn’t mean I want to jump every guy I meet, you know?” says Mitch finally and he keeps his voice as neutral as possible.

“That didn’t answer my question.”

“Why does it matter to you, Matthews? You’re not gay, so it was clearly not a date.”

“But did you want it to be?”

Mitch had a nice month and he hates that it had to come to this, yes. He is most probably going to end up crying again, because that is basically his life. But he’s also not going to lie about his emotions because he was never good about that. He can’t do that to himself and he can’t do that to Auston.

“What do you want me to say here, Matts? You want me to say I like you and that I wish it was a date? Do you want to get off on the fact that you managed to get the attention of the gay guy?” says Mitch and now he’s a bit angry too, angry at himself for believing it wouldn’t come to this and angry at Auston for making it a big deal. He doesn’t want to do this in the middle of the street either but Auston didn’t leave him a lot of options here.

“No, that’s not what I…”

“Then what do you want, Auston?”

“Did you want it to be a date?” and why can’t he just let this go, dammit?

Mitch takes a deep breath. “Yes, I did. You’re still not gay, so I don’t really see why it’s relevant.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” asks Auston.

“Why would I want to tell you? We’re friends, Auston. I didn’t want to ruin that, I’m not that stupid.”

Not that it matters now.

Auston is not saying anything. “Look,” starts up Mitch, and he’s still angry but he also feels weirdly calm at the same time, like part of him knew that the inevitable was coming all along? He probably did. “I know you don’t feel the same way and that’s okay. If you think we can still be friends after this, I’d be super stoked but I understand if you’re freaked out now.”

“But what if I am?” asks Auston and for a second, Mitch doesn’t understand him.

“What if you’re what?”

Auston just gives him a look. Oh, Auston.

“You’re not gay, Auston,” says Mitch, even though his stupid heart flutters at the possibility. No, Marner.

“How do you know that?” asks Auston and Mitch knows he’s only a couple months older but right now Auston just looks so much younger than him, so much more vulnerable and confused. 

“I mean I don’t. But do you really think you are?”

“I don’t know, okay? All I know is that you’re confusing me,” and now Auston also sounds angry even though he’s clearly trying to keep his voice down.

“I can back off, I don’t…” Mitch starts but Auston interrupts again, his body visible shaking.

“But that’s the thing, I don’t want you to! That’s kind of the opposite of what I want. I literally want you to be around all the time and I don’t understand it. I never felt like this. And I know that we’re friends but do friends feel like that?”

And he still looks angry, but he’s also clearly lost, Bambi eyes looking at Mitch begging him to make sense of the jumble of words he just said and Mitch gets the feeling again that Auston is so young and he has so much responsibilities, carrying a whole team and basically the whole city on his shoulders when he’s barely past his teenage years.

“I wasn’t gay. I never looked at guys that way. But then I met you and now…”

“I didn’t turn you gay, Auston, that’s not how it works,” says Mitch.

“I never said that. I just…” says Auston but then doesn’t continue.

Mitch takes a small step closer to him. “Look. We can figure this out. You don’t have to know it now, okay? And I can stay away a bit too…

“No, don’t do that,” says Auston and at least he sounds determined on one thing.

“Okay. Then we can just continue like we were and…”

“Can I kiss you?”

Auston Matthews is actively trying to kill Mitch. He has to be.

“No, Auston, that’s definitely not happening,” says Mitch even when his heart traitorously says other things and Auston looks even more confused.

“But you like me. Don’t you want to kiss me? Maybe if I kissed you, I could know what I feel and…”

But Mitch is already shaking his head. “No, Auston, I’m not going to be your experiment to see whether you’re gay or not.”

“That’s not what I meant. Or… okay, shit, that’s maybe what I meant. Shit,” says Auston and slides his hand into his hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Go home, Auston. Your family is flying in tomorrow, spend some time with them. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure this out.”

Mitch deserves a goddamn sticker for this from his therapist, he’s being such an adult now. 

“Okay. Can I get a hug though?”

And Mitch really, genuinely intended to keep a bit more distance between them but Mitch is also not a saint. 

Auston’s warm and solid against him and Mitch might be burying his face in his neck a little more than he should.

“That’s not really how buddies hug, right?” asks Auston in his ear.

Mitch just shrugs and slowly lets go of him. He already misses the warmth. “That’s how we hug. I don’t really care about other people.”

Auston is still not getting into his car. “You’re still coming tomorrow, right?”

Mitch shouldn’t. “Yeah, if I’m still invited.”

“Of course, you are,” says Auston. 

Just get in the goddamn car, Matthews.

“So… This is not going to be weird tomorrow, right?” he asks finally.

“If you won’t make it weird, then I won’t make it weird either.”

That answer seems to satisfy Auston at least and he opens his car door. 

“Next time we’ll be more fun, I promise,” says as he gets in the car, and Mitch needs a second to get what he’s talking about.

“Let’s hope that next time you won’t let me fall,” says Mitch and he steps back from the car.

Auston takes one final look at him. “Or maybe we can fall together.”

And then he drives off.

Mitch is standing in front of his building for a long time, just watching Auston’s car disappear at the end of the road. He’s still standing in the same place when it’s finally gone and he has no idea what the hell just happened to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, how are you?
> 
> I hope everyone's doing okay, and you guys are still sticking by these two idiots while they figure their lives out.  
> They will, I promise.
> 
> In the meantime, today is Harry Styles's birthday, so I hope your day will be/is/was just as wonderful as Harry himself. When I was about 13, I called Harry my biggest inspiration and to this day, it is true in a lot of ways, so thank you, Harry, for being who you are. This one's for you.
> 
> Take care, friends. <3


	9. Mitch has two Christmas dinners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitch doesn’t know how to interpret anything Auston Matthews does lately.
> 
> (In which Mitch celebrates Christmas and is still confused by Auston.)

Mitch never actually had any pets when he was younger.

Apparently his brother was allergic to cats and for the Marner family that simply meant that no animal should ever be allowed inside the house ever again.

When Mitch was 12, he cried himself to sleep every night for a whole week after two girls in his class got puppies for Christmas and Mitch’s parents still didn’t let him have one.

The day after Mitch came out to them, he went to a nearby shelter. He looked at two dogs before he found Fangio.

A volunteer who worked there told him they named him Fangio because whenever he heard cars coming, he’d get super excited, dancing around the fence until the car would disappear. She also told him that the dog was found hiding in a truck tire in an alleyway next to a gay bar, limping, scars covering his ears and face. They don’t know where he got them from – they might have come from human abuse or just some other dogs ganging up on him.

Mitch didn’t even look at other dogs after that.

*

Mo takes one look at Mitch when he opens the door and immediately blurts out: “What happened?”

“Hi, Mo, nice to see you too! What a lovely evening we’re having! Thank you for having me in your beautiful home!” says Mitch and holds out his present for Mo with a forced smile on his face, keeping the bouquet of flowers he brought for Christina in his other hand. Mo doesn’t even move to take it, just keeps standing in the doorway.

“Oh, come on, cut the bullshit. I know something happened, don’t take me for an idiot.”

Mitch sighs and lowers his not-so artistically wrapped present (he tried his best, okay?) when it becomes clear that Mo’s not taking it from him.

“Can we at least go inside?”

“Sure, kid, come on in,” says Mo and finally lets Mitch in.

Christina shouts a ‘hi, Mitch, I’ll be right there’ from the kitchen as Mitch takes his coat and shoes off. He cleaned up pretty nicely if he may say so himself, wearing a dark blue shirt and his nicest pair of jeans that actually fit and also don’t make his hips look as huge as all the others do.

“I brought you guys something, nothing fancy, just you know… To say thank you for having me here tonight,” says Mitch a bit lamely and Mo finally takes his present from him.

“You didn’t have to, you know. I know you’re saving everything for your surgery. But thanks” says Mo and just when Mitch could think he let the previous conversation go, he continues, “but we’re still talking about whatever the hell happened to you.”

“It’s nothing…”

“Mitch,” says Christina excitedly and gives him two kisses on his cheek, “aww, these are for me? You’re way too cute,” she says as Mitch hands her the flowers.

Mitch always liked Christina. They were never super close, like he and Mo were, but Christina was always so kind, so gentle with him and she always showed a genuine interest in Mitch’s life. They are also really good for each other, Mo and her, and they always welcomed Mitch with open arms whenever he needed a home – and that’s more Mitch could have ever really hoped for.

The table was already set with mismatched plates and cutlery, with some Christmas candles at the end and as Mitch looked at the three places, he felt his heart painfully squeeze up for a second. 

(‘They don't want you here,’ says the voice in Mitch’s head. 

‘They do’ says Mitch back even though he doesn’t really believe it.) 

“I hope everybody’s hungry because I might have made a bit too much food,” says Christina with a cheerful voice. 

Mo lasts until the soup is served before he turns to Mitch. Mitch knows what he’s going to say before he even opens his mouth.

“So what happened with Auston?”

Mitch swallows a spoonful before he answers. “We went skating.”

“And what happened at the rink?” says Mo, seemingly patiently but Mitch knows him better than that.

He still tries. “We skated?”

Mitch does not like that facial expression on Mo.

“Nothing huge happened, okay? Like nothing you need to worry about,” says Mitch and hopes Mo’s going to be satisfied with that, that he’s going to drop it and… shit, Mo definitely doesn’t look like someone who’s about to drop the topic - he looks like he’s gearing up for something big.

“Mitchell…” he says and Mitch winces a bit. “Tell me what happened.”

Mitch should say that they had a nice afternoon. Mitch should say that they chatted about normal things like hockey and Christmas and baking. Hell, he could just admit that he has a huge ass crush on Auston and well, didn’t that make for an awkward afternoon - even that would be an acceptable answer.

“He wanted to kiss me.”

Mo drops his spoon in his soup and Christina promptly chokes on her water.

“He kissed you?” asks Mo as he quickly wipes up the soup he spilled from his plate.

“Shit, I shouldn’t have told you, oh God. He’s definitely not okay with other people knowing,” says Mitch. “Please, don’t tell anyone, please I…”

Christina places a hand on his and that finally stops his rambling. “Mitch, you know we would never say something like that. To anyone.”

And Mitch knows that, he knows, because they were among the first people he also came out to and they never told a single soul without Mitch’s permission. And now Mitch went and outed Auston to them.

And Auston is not even gay. 

“He didn’t kiss me. He just asked me if he could,” says Mitch.

“And you said no?” asks Mo and Mitch would be a bit offended by how surprised Mo looks but… yeah, he was pretty obvious about his crush. Pretty obvious to anyone but Auston apparently.

“You promise you won’t tell this to anyone?” asks Mitch, and when they both nod, he continues. “He was freaking out. About me confusing him? And how he’s not gay but now he doesn’t know? And then he asked me if he could kiss me to figure it out and then I said no because I didn’t… I didn’t want to be his experiment or something.”

“Oh, Mitch…” starts Christina but she’s also clearly lost for words.

“I know he’s not gay,” says Mitch, “so you don’t have to tell me that. I’m not getting my hopes up.”

Mo looks at him like he doesn’t believe him. “So what you’re telling me here is that you are head over heels in love with the guy who tells you that he might be gay and you are not hoping that it’s true, not even the tiniest bit?”

Okay, when Mo puts it like that, it does sound stupid.

“No,” sighs Mitch and he feels it’s all he’s been doing since he got here. “But I want him to be happy. And figuring out shit about your sexuality is hard, even just questioning it is so damn hard, okay? I don’t want to pressure him into doing something he’s not even sure about - to do something he might regret. I can’t do that to him.”

“You’re doing the right thing, Mitch,” says Christina and pats his hand a little.

“So what if he says that he’s not gay? That he doesn’t want anything?” asks Mo, and Mitch can feel something bitter in his throat.

“Then nothing happened. And we can go on with our lives,” says Mitch with a determination he doesn’t feel.

Mo is silent for a second and now Christina is also looking at her soup.

“You’re going to get your heart broken, you know that, right?” says Mo at the end.

Mitch says nothing.

“Mitch, I just want you to be happy too, okay? You’ve been doing so good and now Matthews came in and if he fucks that up…” starts Mo but Mitch can’t take that.

“It’s not his fault, okay? Whatever happens, it’s not his fault,” and Mitch hates how his voice sounds, how defensive he gets about Auston but he can’t help it.

If Mitch wouldn’t know better, he’d say Mo is looking at him with a pitying look. 

He knows Mo wants the best for him. It still doesn’t make it easier.

“Can we just drop it?” asks Mitch when they’ve been silent for a couple seconds.

Mo and Christina share a look at that and after some silent communication that only involves a slightly crooked eyebrow from Mo’s part and a blink-and-you-miss-it head shake from Christina, Mo finally looks at Mitch.

“You know you can always talk to us.”

It’s not a question but Mitch nods.

Auston Matthews is not mentioned for the rest of the evening.

*

Mitch’s phone is dead and he hopes that Auston didn’t change his mind about picking him up after the game because he’s going to freeze to death on his own sidewalk.

It would be a bit ridiculous if he died in front of his own building but Mitch honestly wouldn’t be that surprised. That’s basically his life in a nutshell.

Mitch has been waiting for about 5 minutes (he’s not really sure about the time to be completely honest, how did people even live before phones?) and he’s just about to go inside when Auston finally pulls up. He lets his window down.

“Get in loser, we’re going shopping,” he says with a huge grin.

Mitch is in the car within two seconds. “Did you really quote Mean Girls at me?”

“It’s a classic,” shrugs Auston and leans in to give Mitch a hug. Who even gives hugs when they pick someone up in their car? Auston Matthews, apparently.

“Sure, sure, what’s going to be the next, Legally Blonde? Clueless?” Mitch teases him as he starts fiddling with the radio. He is not able to listen to Christmas songs anymore, nope, his yearly quota was already filled in November.

“Are you telling me you don’t think those movies are masterpieces?”

“Maybe,” grins Mitch at him. “Your parents got in okay?”

“Their plane was delayed so they’re supposed to get to my place around the time we do?” says Auston casually and when they finally stop at a red light, changes the radio station back to the one with the Christmas songs.

Mitch is a bit busy gaping at him to even notice the change in music.

“You picked me up instead of going to the airport to pick your family up?”

Auston keeps his eyes firmly on the lights and Mitch has a feeling that he is very happy when they change to green so he can focus on the road instead of looking at Mitch.

“I ordered them a cab. They’ll be fine, they know Toronto,” says Auston and just shrugs.

“I could have ordered a cab as well, you know.”

Auston says nothing and Mitch doesn’t know how to interpret his silence.

Mitch doesn’t know how to interpret anything Auston Matthews does lately.

*

Ema Matthews hugs him so tightly when they meet again, Mitch is worried for a second that he might suffocate.

(He also doesn’t want to let go.)

“I’m so happy you could join us today. Someone needs to keep Auston in check,” she says and honest to god pinches Auston’s face.

Mitch doesn’t know which one of them blushes a deeper red but he would not like to look into a mirror, no, thank you. 

“Mum,” groans Auston and shooes her inside. “Let’s just eat, I’m sure everyone is starving.”

“We’re gonna talk, don’t you worry about that,” she says and winks at Mitch before she finally goes into the living room where Auston already spread out the take out boxes.

Mitch doesn’t think he’s going to survive another conversation with Auston’s mum. He’s pretty sure he still has some lingering trauma from their previous meeting.

(He’s also pretty sure that there’s a 99% probability he’s going to make a fool out of himself again. Give or take 1%.)

“Are you afraid of my mum, man?” asks Auston, and he looks like he’s about a second away from bursting out laughing.

“I’m a walking disaster around your mum, of course, I’m afraid of her,” says Mitch and buries his head in his hands. If he can’t see them, they can’t see him either, right?

The next thing he feels though, is Auston’s hand sneaking around his waist and he completely freezes up – face still covered up, his breath somewhere lost in his throat, heart thumping so hard he’s sure Auston’s family can hear him from the other side of the wall.

“You’ll be fine,” murmurs Auston in his ears and when Mitch anchors himself with his hands on Auston’s chest to stop himself from literally kneeling over right then and there, Auston simply holds him even closer until he can press the lightest of kisses on top of his head.

So much for not making it weird.

“Auston, Mitch, the food is getting cold!” shouts Ema from inside the living room and when it’s followed by some muffled giggling, Mitch can feel his already bright red face getting even worse.

Auston just sighs (honestly, it must be his thousandth sigh today, Mitch should be counting them) and buries his nose into Mitch’s hair for one last second before he lets go.

Mitch is trying really, really hard to regulate his breathing. (He’s not succeeding.)

“We’re good?” asks Auston, and when Mitch somehow musters up the power to nod, he gently pushes Mitch towards the living room. “Then let’s get this party started!”

*

It’s definitely not a party but Mitch is having the best time he can remember having in a long time.

He doesn’t know if it’s despite or because of Auston constantly touching him.

They’re somehow always sitting together, Auston’s thigh resting firmly against his, his outstretched arm on the back of the sofa constantly brushing against Mitch’s neck, Mitch’s hair and even against his fucking earlobe – which is just honestly playing dirty from Auston’s part. Auston also decided that he absolutely needed to share his drink with Mitch and whenever he passes the bottle to him, their hands brush and Auston, that absolute asshole, moves his hand away only at the very last minute. 

Mitch feels his touch linger on his skin for an embarrassingly long time after every damn time it happens. (Spoiler alert: it happens a lot.)

Mitch is going to lose his mind. He knows he said this a lot in his life but he genuinely never felt so much pent up energy and frustration just bubbling inside him, waiting for the final moment to burst out. 

After an especially long lingering touch, Mitch also catches Ema’s smirk in their direction and Mitch doesn’t know what sort of terrible sin he committed in his previous life but surely this is his punishment for that. It must be, decent people don’t deserve this sort of humiliation in their life.

After they finished eating their dinner, they turn on Sportsnet for some background noise, but most of the evening is spent catching up on each other’s lives – what Auston’s sisters are doing in school, what the neighborhood gossip is (apparently Mr. and Mrs. Taylor are getting a divorce and it’s not pretty) and what Auston’s been doing in Toronto. They also ask Mitch about his life, the bakery, his dog, his friends - and they also clearly stay away from mentioning his family.

(Mitch feels a surge of affection for Auston because it’s clearly his work. He also feels other things as well but that’s most probably related to Auston casually running his thumb over the nape of Mitch’s neck. Mitch’s body is also a traitor because he leans into the touch without even thinking about it – like he did every single time before that.)

“I would love to show you some pictures but my phone died literally the moment I left my place,” says Mitch when Ema demands to see Fangio.

“Give me your phone, I can charge it for you,” says Auston and Mitch hands it over without thinking because if Auston actually gets up from the couch then he might have a couple minutes where he can finally calm his heart down.

(He already misses him when he leaves the living room.)

“So you’re certain you don’t want to go back to school? There might even be some business classes that you could use for the bakery,” says Ema, voice so incredibly without judgement that Mitch just smiles at her without getting all defensive about his life choices. Which, let’s be honest, is his usual reaction whenever someone brings up the fact he dropped out of university.

“Not right now. I’m also not really sure if I’d want to be involved in the business side of the whole thing? I love baking but if I have to spend more than two minutes looking at a spreadsheet, I’ll most probably end up crying,” says Mitch and that makes Ema laugh.

“I feel you on that, though you get used to that with time.”

As Mitch opens his mouth to answer, Auston hollers his name from his bedroom. 

“I guess I’m needed,” Mitch shoots an apologetic smile towards Ema who just gives him another smirk of hers. Of course, she does.

When Mitch gets to the bedroom, Auston is standing by his charger, Mitch’s phone lit up in his hand.

“What’s up?” asks Mitch cheerfully but when he spots Auston’s face, he stills.

He doesn’t remember ever seeing Auston as worried as he does now.

“I didn’t mean to look at your phone,” starts Auston carefully, “but when I plugged it in, your notifications showed up.”

“Shit, everyone’s okay? Did Mo send something?” asks Mitch quickly as he goes to stand in front of Auston.

“No, no, it’s not Mo,” he says and he slowly puts the phone into Mitch’s waiting hand. “It’s your mum.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi loves,
> 
> I am still so completely in awe of the fact that so many of you are interested in this little story. If you've ever left a comment or a kudo on this story or even just had a kind thought about it, please know that it makes my day and I'm immensely grateful for every single one of you. 
> 
> Now I'm gonna go and look at pretty pictures of Auston Matthews before someone kills me for the cliffhanger.


	10. Mitch reads a message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up in Auston Matthews’ bed is not something Mitch thought he would ever get to experience in his life.
> 
> (In which Mitch reads a message, gets a good night's sleep, eats some waffles and plays Pictionary.)

Mitch Marner has kissed exactly two people in his life.

The first one was the worse out of the two, two teenagers fumbling in the last row of the movies, neither really knowing what they were supposed to be doing. It was a bad action movie (Mitch can’t even remember the name of it) but Peter Chalmers invited Mitch to watch it after school one day and Mitch’s heart fluttered at the possibility that someone might want to go on an actual date with him. 

He didn’t even like Peter Chalmers, and after that kiss, which was more about Peter trying to put his hand into Mitch’s pants and tasted too much like nachos and cheese, Peter never asked him out again.

It was probably because Mitch pushed his hand away the second it wandered lower than Mitch wanted, but Mitch never asked and Peter never said. (It was.)

Mitch’s second kiss was actually with a girl he met at a party during his one year at university. It was in a bar where the booze was cheap and flowing on Thursdays, and that had the most terrible lighting set up Mitch has ever experienced in his life – flashing lights that were way too bright one second and then almost pitch black the next. Mitch was going through his “maybe I’m just a lesbian” phase so when a pretty girl decided to dance with him, he went all in. During the second song the girl (her name was either Holly or Hailey or something like that) decided to lean in to kiss him, and he didn’t turn his head away. It wasn’t a bad kiss and they even stayed on the dance floor until the song ended.

Mitch threw up in the bathroom soon after, and then remained sitting on the dirty floor, his hands running through his hair over and over again, for the longest time.

*

Mitch is still standing in front of Auston, his phone burning a hole in his hand, the blinking light of unread notifications mocking him from the black screen.

“You don’t have to look at it,” says Auston and that finally makes Mitch look up at him from staring at the black screen of his phone.

“Did you read it?”

“Yeah, I’m really sorry, it was just right there and…”

That’s not what Mitch wants to know here. “No, it’s fine… Just. Should I read it?”

And Mitch doesn’t want to put Auston in this position - to have to decide for him. That’s not his responsibility. It’s Mitch’s, solely his, but he’s also terrified and he doesn’t know how to handle this alone.

Auston takes one step closer and takes Mitch’s hand in his. Mitch barely even notices, his other hand that’s still holding his phone starting to get heavy with the weight of it.

“I don’t think you should read it,” says Auston finally, hand firmly holding Mitch’s and Mitch swears he can hear his own heart shutter to pieces.

Mitch also presses the home button on his phone almost immediately after the words leave Auston’s mouth. 

For a second, the screen is so bright in the dark of Auston’s bedroom, he can’t even read the message on the screen.

The next second, he wishes he’d taken Auston’s word for it.

“Merry Christmas, Amanda. Love, Mom” is written on the screen and then Mitch swipes left to get rid of it but his stupid hand is shaking so much he ends up deleting the message underneath and it’s still there, still too bright and unmovable, laughing up at his face, love, Mom, the only thing he can see for a second and then Merry Christmas, Amanda and then he swipes left again with even more force and it’s finally gone and the next thing Mitch knows is that his phone is yanked from the charger and crashes against the wall then bounces off and lands on the floor with a thud by Auston’s bed, screen cracked but finally, finally black again.

“Mitch…” says Auston but it’s all he can say before Mitch just crashes into him and if Auston wasn’t made up of solid muscle Mitch’s sure they both would have toppled over.

And Mitch is crying into his hoodie, the ugliest cry he remembers having, tears streaming from his eyes, fingers fisted tightly into Auston’s hoodie, and he’s trying desperately to breathe in but only ends up gasping for air without inhaling any. 

Auston holds him close, one hand firmly on his lower back and the other running up and down, soothing him as much as he can, murmuring it’s okays and I got yous into Mitch’s ear and when nothing works, just keeps repeating it, until all Mitch can hear and feel around him is Auston.

(It goes on for a long time.)

He does calm down after. His breath shudders every time he inhales but the tears have stopped and now the only thing he can hear is his own sniffles in the quiet of Auston’s room.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I know you don’t…” starts Mitch but Auston simply puts a finger on his lips to make him stop.

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he says simply and Mitch doesn’t have to energy to protest, so he just nods.

Then Mitch suddenly realizes that yes, he is still indeed holding onto Auston Matthews while standing in Auston Matthews’ bedroom with Auston Matthews’ whole family waiting just outside the door.

Mitch is so very tired.

“I should go, I guess I already ruined the Christmas mood,” says Mitch and he finally takes a step back. 

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” says Auston and what even?

“Me ruining Christmas?”

“You going home. You’re not going anywhere like this,” he says and looks at him like Mitch is an idiot for even considering something else.

“Your family is here,” says Mitch, which, okay, it might not be his most compelling argument but he still thinks it’s a pretty reasonable point.

“And? If you’re worried about where to sleep, I’m fine with the couch, you can take my bed,” he shrugs easily and Mitch is still definitely not okay but he’s also too in love with Auston to not crack a smile at that.

“Well, that’s very kind of you but that’s not what I…”

But Auston just moves past Mitch to his closet and pays absolutely no attention to what Mitch was about to say. Mitch is shocked enough to only realize what Auston’s doing when he’s already back with a new pair of sweats and another T-shirt in his hand with the same heavy, black hoodie folded on top of the pile.

“Change, I’ll tell my parents you’ve gone to bed,” he says and without waiting for an answer he goes back to the living room.

Mitch is left standing there, looking at the door where Auston disappeared. What just happened here?

By the time he’s changed and settled under Auston’s duvet, his brain is so incredibly done with this day, he barely has the energy to stay upright against the headboard.

He’s almost asleep when Auston comes back. (He was gone for a long time.)

“You need anything else?” he asks, standing at the end of the bed, looking a bit unsure.

And Mitch knows he said he’d back off a bit. Mitch knows he shouldn’t be so selfish. Mitch knows all this, okay? But he is also so tired, a bone deep sadness and exhaustion washing over him and he knows it’s not a good enough defense for what he does but it’s the only thing he has.

“You.”

And Auston Matthews just beams back at him, like it was what he wanted to hear too, like Mitch just gave him something he always wished for. Mitch might be sleepy and delusional, but he’ll believe this for now.

When Auston gets into bed next to Mitch, his face is so close but still not touching Mitch, his arms there but still not where Mitch wants them to be, his legs radiating body heat but still not skin-to-skin with Mitch.

Mitch falls asleep like that, sharing breath and warmth and dreams of a better tomorrow.

*

Waking up in Auston Matthews’ bed is not something Mitch thought he would ever get to experience in his life.

Waking up in Auston Matthews’ bed with Auston’s arm wrapped around his stomach and one leg thrown over his was even further down the list.

Mitch can’t say he’s complaining because Mitch is not a lying liar.

Mitch feels lucky and warm and happy. (Mitch doesn’t even realize that he somehow managed to forget about the text and his mum and his cracked phone still laying on the floor.)

He doesn’t know what time is it but everything’s so quiet and it’s still almost completely dark outside and Auston is still so warm against him, so Mitch closes his eyes and falls back asleep with a smile on his face.

(Looking back, if Mitch would have to choose one moment when everything finally changed, he’d choose that one. That one exact second, when the clock turned from 5:01 to 5:02, as he fell back asleep against Auston, content, happy, not caring about anything that was out of his reach. That one exact moment, when it finally, finally turned from ‘it gets better’ to ‘it is better’.

Maybe it was that final text or that final breakdown or simply just Auston’s arm thrown around him, a solid and warm weight on his stomach.

Or maybe it was Mitch finally realizing that he was the only one who had the power to take control of his own life.

Mitch doesn’t know any of this now, but he will someday.)

*

When he wakes up again, he’s alone in Auston’s bed, the sun is up, high in the sky and he can hear laughter filtering in from outside.

Mitch is still not thinking about his phone because he has other, more time sensitive things he need to worry about.

Case in point : How is he supposed to leave Auston’s room? Wearing his clothes? After they both clearly slept here? In the same bed?!

Maybe Auston’s family will leave at some point. They have to, they should be going to some fancy place where Auston can spoil them and they can have a big, happy, family moment. But what if they don’t and Mitch has to hide away in Auston’s room for the whole day? Maybe Auston has a fire escape. Or Mitch can maybe brave the window and just somehow climb down from the 7th floor? Mitch is pretty sure people usually die if they fall from that high but then he’s also pretty sure he’s not going to survive walking out of Auston’s room in Auston’s clothes and meeting eyes with Ema Matthews. Nope, not happening.

Mitch presses his hands against his face. He’s not stupid, he went to university (then also dropped out, his brain supplies helpfully) he should be able to come up with a plan. 

But there’s absolutely no plan, absolutely nothing to do but to accept the sheer mortification as he gets out of bed and slowly, very slowly, opens Auston’s door.

This must be what a walk of shame feels like, and for a second Mitch almost starts laughing because they didn’t even do anything that would require a walk of shame but someone up there clearly hates Mitch’s guts and is having a field day looking down at Mitch in his almost hysterical state. 

(Mitch doesn’t know why he imagines Zeus looking down at him with popcorn is his hand but he’s blaming Percy Jackson for it.)

Of course, the conversation dies down when he enters the living room. Of course it does.

“Good morning,” Mitch mumbles to no one in particular because he is not meeting anyone’s eyes in the room, nope, not happening.

Auston’s dad in nowhere to be seen, but Auston’s sisters are sitting on the floor, watching something on an iPad while Auston and his mum are up on the couch, coffee mugs in their hands, looking as cosy as they possibly can. Mitch is mortified but Mitch is also smiling a little because Auston just looks so content and cute and…

Mitch, stop that right now.

“Hey, dad made waffles for breakfast, I’ll get you some,” starts Auston with a grin on his face as he spots Mitch but when he moves to get up, Ema puts a hand on his shoulder and stops him. 

“You stay here, Mitch and I will get some breakfast,” she says and Mitch would laugh at Auston’s baffled expression but he’s not only not a lying liar but also not a hypocritical fool – and he’s damn sure his face matches Auston’s at the moment.

Because when Ema Matthews tells you to do something, you just end up doing the thing – no questions asked, no opinion offered.

Mitch looks at Auston for one last second, begging him to do something but he just shrugs his shoulders. Very helpful, Matthews.

When Mitch enters the kitchen, Ema’s already heaping up a small tower of waffles for him on a plate.

“Coffee’s on the counter,” she says cheerfully.

Mitch takes his time pouring coffee into a mug. Unfortunately, it’s not an activity that requires a lot of time not matter how long Mitch spends on choosing a mug. (He chose a white mug that said ‘blah blah’ in a cursive font because it’s still ridiculous and he likes teasing Auston about it.)

“So…,” says Ema carefully and Mitch winces a bit at her tone. He knows what’s coming. “Are you okay?”

Before Mitch can even open his mouth to say ‘I’m fine’, she adds: “Don’t you dare say I’m fine.”

“I wasn’t…” You’re not a lying liar, Mitchell. “I’ll be fine?”

Ema Matthews does not look impressed. Mitch sighs. You don’t want to disappoint Ema on any day but especially don’t want to disappoint her when she’s withholding your waffles. Mitch knows how to pick his battles.

“My mom texted me last night. She called me… she called me by my old name? And it just hit me a bit too much, I guess.”

“Auston mentioned you guys are not really on speaking terms,” she says and it’s not a question but it still kind of is.

“We haven’t spoken since last June?” says Mitch and he doesn’t know what Auston told Ema but Ema’s eyes grow a bit bigger at that.

“You haven’t spoken to your parents in six months?” she asks.

“Oh, no, it’s the June before that. I came out to them June, last year, sorry,” Mitch says and now Ema is openly staring at him and why is she staring at him like that?

“Mitch…” and Mitch is really getting tired of people saying his name like that.

“It’s okay,” starts Mitch but Ema interrupts him: “It’s really not.”

Mitch knows she’s right but what can you really do?

Ema’s looking at him, sadness clearly written all over her face and Mitch is mentally preparing himself for the “you know you can talk to me” and the “I’m here for you if you need me”, to fake a smile and nod and say “thank you, I will” and lie.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” says Ema instead and pats his shoulder lightly. “Now, go and eat these waffles in front of Auston so he’ll be jealous.”

And Mitch might have a soft spot for Auston but Ema Matthews is clearly his favorite Matthews.

*

Auston does end up eating some of his waffles but it’s mostly Mitch feeding him pieces so he can’t really blame him.

Mitch has also decided to just embrace the fact that he and Auston are weird about each other and when he catches Ema laughing at them, he barely even blushes. (He only reaches the colour of a not-quite-ripe tomato but it’s a progress.)

The Matthews family also decided that Mitch must be involved in all the family traditions that they have which apparently includes a heated game of Pictionary with Mitch, Auston and Breyana gearing up against Auston’s parents and Alexandria.

Mitch might have been a bit optimistic saying gearing up because they are being completely and utterly destroyed.

“What the hell is that supposed to be?” asks Mitch, and he’s not trying to be an asshole but Auston just drew a wobbly circle with spikes on one side and balloons on the other and acts like he’s done.

“Auston, jesus,” groans Breyana too, and Mitch is slowing giving up on their team. “Is this a… hat?”

Auston mumbles something under his nose. It doesn’t seem particularly kind.

“Is this an animal?” tries Mitch though he’s not sure what sort of monster it’s supposed to be but Auston’s eyes light up and he starts nodding, encouraging Mitch to go on.

Now Mitch just has to decide whether to go with a bird, a reptile or an insect. Hell, it might be a mammal as well, Mitch has no idea. If he squints a bit those balloons could look like wings.

“Is it a bird?” he asks finally but it doesn’t even matter because the timer goes off that exact second.

“It was a horse. It was clearly a horse,” says Auston and he sounds so offended that everyone just laughs at his face. Mitch included.

Mitch is surrounded with family and he’s laughing at the chirps Auston’s getting from everyone and Mitch is almost waiting for the voice at the back of his mind to say something, he almost provokes it with all the happiness he’s feeling but Breyana is telling him that they should just “drop Auston from their team because he’s clearly holding them back” and Ema is refilling their mugs with coffee and Auston makes another offended sound but keeps his arm draped over Mitch’s shoulder – and the voice stays quiet in Mitch’s head for the first time.

“Don’t worry, Matthews, we’re not kicking you off the team,” says Mitch and pats Auston’s cheek a little before he can overthink his decision.

If Auston leans into the touch that lingers a bit, no one says anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of the one and only Auston Matthews staying in Toronto for another 5 years, let's all raise a glass and have some cuddling fic.


	11. Mitch meets William Nylander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’ve known each other for months and it’s only now, in early March, when Mitch realizes that he’s never actually met any of Auston’s friends.
> 
> (In which Mitch meets William Nylander.)

Mitch has days when he can just forget that he’s trans, like he just wakes up and goes on with his day knowing that he’s a guy – feeling like he’s a guy.

Other days the dysphoria hits him hard, somewhere deep in his stomach.

Sometimes it’s triggered by something – his breasts when he’s putting his binder on or his height or his hips. Sometimes it’s just a feeling, coming from nowhere, where he just feels wrong in his skin, and he wants to scrub the feeling off but he can take all the showers he wants, it won’t come off. It just won’t.

Mitch tries to enjoy the days when he feels good, he truly does. He’s grateful for all he has. He makes sure to remember them so that he can think about them on his dysphoric days.

For some reason, the bad days are just so much easier to remember.

*

Mitch Marner and Auston Matthews are weird about each other.

That’s just a fact. Mitch is not even trying to debate it – it is what it is.

They call each other every night and when they’re done talking they send kissy face emojis to say goodbye. Auston constantly hangs out in the bakery and then drives Mitch back to his place and they watch stupid TV shows and order take out and bicker about what they want until they find a compromise. Mitch sleeps at Auston’s place almost every other night and he has his favorite mug there and his favorite T-shirt he likes to sleep in and not only his favorite foods but Fangio’s as well.

Mitch learns how to deal with Auston after a bad loss, how to talk him out of that bad place his brain sometimes goes to. Auston learns to deal with Mitch’s dysphoric days and knows what sort of ice cream he likes when he’s too upset to talk about it.

Then there’s the cuddling: long nights spent pressed together on the couch, Auston’s arm draped over Mitch’s shoulders and Mitch’s face buried in Auston’s neck, their legs thrown over each other.

And there’s the sleeping in the same bed situation as well. How they go to sleep with distance between them, not touching by an unspoken agreement, but then wake up all over each other in the morning. How neither of them ever talk about it, not even a joke, not even the smallest acknowledgement.

Mitch knows it’s not backing off. Mitch knows it’s not buddies.

Every day Mitch promises himself that he’ll be stronger the next day, he’ll say no and he’ll finally put some space between them. But then Auston smiles at him, with this open, happy expression on his face, like seeing Mitch fall asleep next to him is the best thing he can have. Mitch is not that strong.

When it’s 4 am again and Mitch tries to leave Auston’s embrace and warmth as quietly as he possibly can, he still presses a light kiss on top of Auston’s head. He promises himself it was the last time and then does it again the next morning.

*

They’ve known each other for months and it’s only now, in early March, when Mitch realizes that he’s never actually met any of Auston’s friends.

Even then, he only realizes this because when he looks up from an essay he’s proofreading for Zach, his eyes are met with an anxious looking Auston Matthews and a grinning William Nylander.

Mitch is actually proud of himself for how quickly he’s able to concentrate on William Nylander’s presence because Auston looks exceptionally good today and… honestly, who is Mitch even kidding here, Auston could wear a trashbag and even then, Mitch would have trouble taking his eyes off of him.

“Hi, guys,” says Auston awkwardly and Zach snorts into his coffee.

“Finally telling your guys about your secret friends?” asks Zach and Auston honest to God blushes.

“I was just about to grab a coffee but Willy here decided that he had to come with me,” says Auston and the grin that Nylander is sporting looks more and more dangerous as Mitch watches him.

“I wanted to know where Auston always disappears to,” he admits easily. “Everyone on the team thinks he’s hiding a girlfriend.”

Mitch tries really hard to not show any emotions on his face.

“Well… if he’s hiding a girlfriend, he’s hiding her from us too,” and thank God for Zach, Zach is Mitch’s favorite person right now, Auston Matthews, who?

(Auston still looks really great, just for the record.)

Nylander just shrugs. “I’ll get his secret out, no worries,” says Willy finally and now it’s not only Mitch who’s freezing up completely. Auston also goes suspiciously still at Willy’s words. “So were you lying about the coffee, Matts? Because I could use one.”

“Are you a latte guy?” asks Mitch, happily latching onto a safer topic and then without waiting for Nylander’s answer, he continues: “You look like a latte guy. I’ll get you one.”

“Okay, I guess? I like lattes, they’re fine,” he says and then goes wandering around the cookie shelf. “I guess these are not diet-plan approved, are they?” he asks as he looks longingly at the rainbow colored white chocolate chip cookies. Mitch was feeling aggressively gay this morning, sue him.

“Unless your nutritionist says you should eat a lot of refined sugar with mountains of butter and flour, then I guess not,” says Mitch.

“Oh, yeah, never mind then. They look so gay though.”

And now it’s definitely not just Mitch freezing up - and not just Auston either. Zach takes in a deep breath and Mitch winces before Zach can even open his mouth.  
“I respect you as an athlete, buddy,” and how someone can say the word “buddy” with so much vitriol, Mitch doesn’t know, “but don’t ever say that again.”

Willy looks confused for a second. “What are you…” he starts and then he looks at Mitch, because of course, he looks at Mitch who’s suddenly doing everything except looking at William Nylander, and then carefully continues. “Sorry about that, didn’t mean it in a bad way. They just looked very colorful.”

Mitch is not feeling aggressively gay anymore.

“It’s fine,” he murmurs, because Zach is clearly waiting for some reaction from him.

“Anyways, here’s your latte,” he says way more cheerfully than he feels and puts a paper cup in front of Willy.

His coffee has two hockey sticks crossed over each other as latte art. Mitch would feel so proud of himself if Willy’s previous comment wasn’t still lingering inside his body, like a bitter taste on the back of his tongue.

“You make him latte art and then you don’t even give me coffee?” asks Auston, voice feigning hurt.

“You big baby, you know you could just come here and literally make your own damn coffee? I know you know how to do it,” teases Mitch but then Zach looks at him and Willy also looks at him and both their faces show something Mitch doesn’t really want to see. He should probably just shut the hell up.

Mitch has barely even put Auston’s mug down when Auston’s phone starts to ring.

“It’s my mom, I’ll be back,” he says and shoots one worried glance at Mitch’s direction before he steps out to take the call.

Mitch desperately wants him to come back the second he’s gone. Not because he’s that needy – he’s simply terrified of being alone with William Nylander.

“Okay, guys, he’s not here anymore, you can tell me,” Willy leans in conspiringly.

Mitch does not like where this is going. “Tell you what?”

“Come on,” says Willy and he takes a sip of his coffee. “Don’t tell me you didn’t notice. Matts is always on his phone and he’s always smiling at it like he’s super in love with the girl he’s talking to, like disgustingly in love. And he’s always making up some bullshit about why he can’t hang out with us. Like literally two days ago, I sent him a message like “hey, can I come over to your place to play some Fortnite” and then he was like “I can go to your place”. He clearly had company over but when I asked him about it, he just kind of ignored the question. He doesn’t do stuff like this with you guys?”

Mitch is afraid to even inhale right now.

Zach Hyman is his savior though. “Uhm…he hangs out here a lot, too? Maybe that’s why he’s a bit busier than usual?”

“Yeah, but he wouldn’t lie about that. Or would he?” asks Willy, and Mitch is praying to all the Gods he doesn’t believe in for Auston to come back inside.

“Probably not,” shrugs Zach and shoots a look at Mitch as carefully as he can. Mitch is trying very hard to look like someone who’s not freaking out right now.

“I hoped you guys knew something. He clearly has someone, and the team doesn’t understand why he wouldn’t just tell us about her. Is she like ugly or something?” wonders Willy out aloud and Mitch, for once is his life, is so thankful for stupid heteronormativity.

“He’ll tell you when he’s ready probably,” says Mitch finally.

Willy just hums. “Let’s hope so.”

When Auston comes back none of them bring up the topic of his mysterious girlfriend but when they leave Auston offers Mitch a fistbump instead of the usual hug Mitch got used to receiving, and Mitch doesn’t say anything.

Zach looks at Mitch like he has a lot of questions. He doesn’t ask any of them.

*

Or more specifically, he only asks them when Mitch has no way of escaping.

They’re sitting in Zach’s car after they closed up the bakery for the day. Zach offered to drive him home, and Mitch, the fool he is, happily accepted.

Now he would like to get out of the car as soon as possible.

“So… You’ll also tell me when you’re ready?” Zach asks as they sit stuck in the evening Toronto traffic.

“Tell you what?” asks Mitch because he’s asking that question the entire day today apparently.

Zach has his you-are-an-idiot-and-I-know-that-you-know-what-I’m-talking-about face on. Zach has very specific faces.

“That you and Auston are dating,” says Zach finally. He’s probably had enough of Mitch’s bullshit.

“We’re not dating,” answers Mitch and tries to keep his voice very even.

“So it’s not you Auston is constantly texting and calling and making moon eyes at? Or the one he apparently spends all his time with and ignores his friends for?”

These are all very good question and Mitch wouldn’t like to answer any of them.

“We’re not dating,” say Mitch finally. The cars in front of them finally move.

Zach doesn’t say anything for a long time. But when they pull up in front of Mitch’s building, he turns to Mitch in a way that Mitch can’t ignore anymore.

“I really, really hope you’re simply lying to me,” says Zach. “Because if you guys honestly haven’t had a conversation about this, then that’s really fucked up.”

Mitch appreciates the honesty at least. He doesn’t really appreciate all the other stuff Zach is saying but it’s not like he’s wrong about any of it.

“Just talk to him, Mitchy,” says Zach finally.

“I’ll try,” answers Mitch.

They both know he’s lying.

*

Mitch knows Zach is right though. So when he gets a text from Auston saying ‘pick you up after the game?’, he makes a plan.

Well, it’s not really a plan. It’s basically just him going to Auston’s place and asking him whether they’re dating or not.

Mitch might need to work on some minor details here.

Mitch also might need to actually open his mouth and ask the question, but right now he’s leaning against Auston’s side while they’re watching a documentary on Bitcoin on Netflix (they got bored of the sitcoms they were watching) and Mitch is very happy to postpone to conversation, just a little bit.

Auston has other ideas though.

“So… What did you think of Willy?” he asks, all casual like it just popped into his head as they were listening to why cryptocurrencies are so cool and why people should be super excited about using them. Mitch could not care less right now.

“He was… nice? I liked his…” his what now, Mitch? His what? “Hair?”

But Mitch can’t even feel bad about his stupidity because Auston is not paying attention to him.

“I know he talked about my mysterious girlfriend a lot.”

Mitch’s heart is stuck somewhere in his throat and he doesn’t dare to look at Auston’s face.

“Yeah, he did,” he says finally though his words are not much louder than the TV in the background.

“Mitch, I just want you to know…” starts Auston and Mitch is aware that the next words that will leave Auston’s mouth are probably going to either be the best or the worst thing he could ever hear. It’s a terrifying feeling.

“I just want you to know that I’m not dating anyone. I’m not hiding a girlfriend from you. There’s no one I want to date.”

Oh.

Well, that answers Mitch’s question at least.

Mitch is supposed to exhale now because his lungs are starting to hurt from all the air he’s keeping in but he can’t, he just physically can’t.

“Okay,” he says finally. “Okay. Thank you for telling me.”

“I trust you,” says Auston like it’s supposed to mean something.

“Thank you,” says Mitch again because he can’t think straight right now. He wants to be out of here.

Auston is looking at him like he’s waiting for Mitch to continue. “I think I need to go now,” says Mitch instead and stands up very quickly.

By the time Auston catches up with him, he’s already put his coat and shoes on.

“Wait, Mitch. Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” asks Auston worriedly.

Why is he worried now? Why can’t he just leave Mitch alone? He is clearly not his boyfriend or anything so why does he have to act like one? He literally just said he doesn’t want to date anyone.

“It’s fine, Auston. I’m glad we’re finally being honest with each other,” says Mitch and he really tries to not be angry at Auston because it’s not his fault Mitch had this idea in his head that Auston might like him back, that he might want something more from him. It was so stupid of him – but it’s still not Auston’s fault, not really.

“Then why are you leaving?” asks Auston and Mitch just wants to punch someone.

“Auston, come on. Don’t do this.”

They’re standing in front of Auston’s door and Mitch should just leave. Even just storming out without a word would be a better option than having this conversation with Auston right now.

“What are you talking about, Mitch?” Like he doesn’t know.

“You know what I’m talking about. You know how I feel, don’t pretend that you didn’t just tell me that this thing between us is nothing.”

“What thing?” and for a second, Mitch thinks that Auston really doesn’t get it.

But Mitch feels like everything – all the confusion and frustration and even the happiness he knows he shouldn’t have let himself feel – that’s been bubbling under his skin in the past couple weeks are bursting out right now.

“Jesus Christ. What thing? The cuddling. The constant texting. The fucking heart emojis you send me. The fact that we spent Christmas together? That you introduced me to your family? That we’ve been basically sleeping together for weeks now?”

“Mitch. I don’t know what you want me to say here, I already told you I...” says Auston and Mitch can’t listen to this anymore. This conversation is getting out of hand and Mitch didn’t plan for that.

“You already said enough. Auston, I love you but I can’t do this anymore. Not like this.”

Mitch definitely didn’t plan on saying that either but he’s so angry and so hurt that for a second, he doesn’t even realize that he just confessed his love to Auston.

“I…” starts Auston and for a second Mitch thinks he’s going to say it back. “You love me?”

Of course he’s not saying it back. He’s not even gay for crying out loud. “Like you didn’t know that. I’m leaving now.”

Auston catches his arm when Mitch turns to the door. “No, please, Mitch, don’t leave. Let’s talk about this…”

“Let me go, Auston,” he says and tries to throw Auston’s arm off but he can’t.

Auston is a hockey player, a big hockey player and Mitch has never in his life felt threatened by him but now he’s painfully aware of just how much bigger Auston is. The hand on his arm feels too tight and Mitch knows he’s going to panic if he can’t get out of here.

“Let me go, Auston, please,” he says once more, voice barely above a whisper and Auston must hear something in it because he drops his arm and takes a step back like he’s been burnt.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, Mitch…” he starts but Mitch is already out of the door before he could even finish.

Mo told him he would get his heart broken and Mitch should know by now that Mo is always right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry?
> 
> I swear I have a reason for everything.


	12. Mitch has a visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He misses him so much, he’s a little scared the feeling will never go away.
> 
> (In which Mitch gets an unexpected visitor.)

Mitch always thought he was lucky that he never lost a family member when he was very young.

His grandparents were full of life, all aunts and uncles and cousins lucky and healthy enough to be around and Mitch never had to go to a funeral in his life.

He doesn’t know what would hurt more though: losing someone to an illness or an accident, sitting by their bedside and knowing you’re not getting any more chances with this person ever again, or knowing that they are out there, healthy and happy and living, but who also deliberately decided that they wanted to leave you behind.

At the end of the day, both of these people are simply gone. And they both hurt and they are both terrible and there’s no point in comparing the hurt we feel with the hurt that others feel.

It’s not a competition, but if it was Mitch would be happy to lose it for once in his life.

*

Mitch hasn’t talked to Auston in exactly two weeks.

Mitch is not trying to be overdramatic but he’s basically dying on the inside.

The thing is, Mitch knew that over the past couple months Auston had become a significant part of his life. But he wasn’t ready for the void Auston’s disappearance caused – he really wasn’t.

Mitch doesn’t text Auston funny pictures he sees on the Internet and Mitch doesn’t call Auston every night when he’s on the road to say good night and Mitch doesn’t send him good luck messages before the games and Mitch doesn’t make him his stupid coffee in the bakery and Mitch doesn’t watch stupid TV shows with him and Mitch definitely, definitely does not fall asleep in Auston’s bed anymore.

Mitch desperately wants to do all of these things. Like so pathetically much, that it literally took him like a day to regret everything he said, to regret his love confession, to regret the whole conversation because he wants Auston in his life, in any way he can have, even if that means only as a friend. But Auston clearly doesn’t want him in his life and Mitch can take a hint.

He misses him so much, he’s a little scared the feeling will never go away.

“Mitch, that guy has been staring at you for the last 20 minutes,” says Zach as he slaps him lightly with a kitchen towel.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Zach gives him a look. “The cute guy over there? With the hipster glasses and nice tattoos? He has questionable taste in coffee, I’ll give you that, but he’s also definitely thinking about asking you out so I’m not going to judge him so much.”

Mitch just sighs at him as he rings up a cup of coffee and some bagels for the lady in line. “Zach, just because someone actually enjoys cold brew, you shouldn’t give up on them as a person, you know?”

Zach just rolls his eyes. “Whatever, man. Go and talk to him.”

“I’m not really interested in dating right now,” says Mitch but he knows Zach is not going to let this go.

Although he admits that the guy is actually kind of cute. Objectively speaking. He has a nice smile and he’s reading a book so he’s probably not stupid. He’s also definitely not a hockey player so that would be nice for a change.

“Just because Auston was an asshole who completely disappeared after you told him you loved him, that does not mean that you should lock yourself up and die alone,” says Zach a bit angrily and the lady seems to grab her coffee and paper bag a little too quickly and then basically runs out of the bakery. Good job, Zach.

“It’s been two weeks, Zach. You expect me to be engaged by next week or what?”

“I mean if hipster guy asks you…” starts Zach and he totally deserves the smack he gets from Mitch on his head.

Zach is way too invested in his relationship status.

“If I go and talk to the guy will you promise to leave me alone for at least the next month?” asks Mitch finally.

Zach grins at him. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Of course Mitch doesn’t even get to talk to the guy.

Of course it is Auston Matthews’ fault.

It’s Zach who notices him first because Mitch is just about to round the counter to get some extra coffee for hipster guy so that he can finally put Zach’s mind at ease.

“You got to be kidding me, what are you doing here?” snaps Zach and Mitch stops walking immediately.

When he looks up, Auston Matthews is standing in front of him.

He clearly looks like he’s trying to go incognito, wearing a black beanie and a somehow even blacker, non-descriptive jacket. He’s also wearing sunglasses and who wears sunglasses inside in March?

At least, that’s what Mitch would notice if his brain could do more than shout ‘Auston is here, Auston is here, Auston is here’ over and over again inside his head.

“What are you doing here?” blurts out Mitch.

“I need to talk to you,” says Auston quietly.

There was a reason why Auston never came here in the morning and Mitch is very quickly reminded of that as the bakery that was buzzing a second ago falls silent as more and more people recognize Auston. So much for incognito.

“Let’s talk inside,” says Mitch finally. “Zach, can you cover for me for a bit?”

Zach shoots him a worried glance but nods.

Mitch and Auston go inside the staff room, not exchanging any words while they sit down.

(They sit there in silence for a bit longer, neither of them daring to say the first word, looking everywhere but the other’s face.)

Mitch doesn’t want to start this conversation. He’s afraid of the words that might come out of his mouth. He doesn’t know how far the hurt goes, how deep the scars are and how much salt was poured into them.

“So I know you’re mad at me,” starts Auston.

It’s not a question and Mitch doesn’t answer.

“I talked to my mom. And she was mad at me for a couple of things. So I know I need to apologize for them. And I hope you’ll be able to forgive me for those. But I also know that what I owe you the most is an explanation.”

“You seem… you seem so composed about this,” says Mitch and he honestly wouldn’t be so surprised if Auston had notes or something.

Mitch has a very vivid flashback to the first time Auston apologized to him.

“I had time to think?”

That you had, disappearing for two weeks, Matthews.

“Which takes me to my first apology. Because I know it wasn’t okay that I bailed on you. Like really not okay. So I’m really sorry. But I felt like I already fucked up so many times with you, I didn’t want to do it one more time. And I had some things to figure out. Which I can’t really do when you’re around,” says Auston and Mitch winces at that. “No, I mean. Thinking. I’m not good at thinking. And you might have been right about, you know, putting some distance between us so I could come to terms with some things.”

“Come to terms with what?”

Auston looks so awkward. The only thing Mitch wants to do is hug him and tell him it’s okay and give him some hot chocolate with mini marshmallows on top.

“With you know, the whole…” says Auston and gestures vaguely at himself. “Gay thing?”

Mitch breathes out very carefully. “Oh. Okay. And?”

“And I got really frustrated about it. Like I looked at a bunch of websites. And I literally took quizzes on it,” Mitch winces at that, that is never good, “and then I looked at gay porn.”

Mitch promptly chokes on nothing. “You… oh, no, Auston, please don’t…”

“And I didn’t like it. But then I realized that I don’t like the normal... or shit, you know, straight porn either.”

And Mitch did not wake up today prepared to have a conversation about gay porn with Auston but Mitch’s life is a joke apparently.

“So then I called my mom,” starts Auston but Mitch can’t contain himself anymore.

“You called you mom after you watched gay porn?”

Auston just gives him a look. Oh, yeah, his Mitch-you’re-a-moron face, Mitch missed that. “No. I called her a couple of days ago. And I kind of… just blurted everything out. And she was really understanding and went on about how she actually knew about us. But then I told her there wasn’t an us,” Mitch’s stomach drops a little at that, “and that I’m not even sure if I’m gay, or bi, or whatever,” says Auston quietly and neither of them look at the other.

Auston waits a bit before he continues.

“Then she got really quiet. And then she asked me if I was in love with you.”

Mitch looks up at that but Auston’s face is still only focused on his fingers, going over his tattoo in a soothing motion. Mitch knows he always does that when he’s anxious. He doesn’t like it when Auston is anxious. Mitch also hates the fact that it wasn’t only Auston who wasn’t there when Mitch needed him. Mitch abandoned him when Auston also clearly needed his friend’s support.

But then he can’t really think about that anymore because Auston continues.

“And then I said yes.” Mitch can’t breathe. “I didn’t even have to think about it. Because I know that. But that makes me pretty gay, doesn’t it? But then my mom told me that I had to stop thinking about myself in terms of labels. And then she had this whole monologue about how life is way more complex than that and how I need to just let myself feel things instead of thinking about how I’m supposed to feel and what those feelings make me, in terms of you know, gay, straight, bi, whatever. Zach would have loved that monologue,” says Auston with a small smile on his face.

And Mitch has way too much information here that he can’t even begin to comprehend. His brain just gives up on him.

So he just starts laughing. Everything about this and everything about them is just ridiculous.

“Your mom is so smart,” he says and Auston finally looks up at him.

They were sitting on the couch with at least a good foot of space between them. But now Auston has moved dangerously close to him.

“She is,” he agrees. “So, Mitch… I know I fucked up once. Or twice…”

“To be fair, I feel like I fucked up way more. Like what sort of friend am I that I wasn’t there for your big gay crisis?” says Mitch.

“I needed the space,” says Auston, and Mitch doesn’t deserve him.

“Still,” says Mitch. But no matter how much guilt he may harbor about that, Auston is still sitting very close to him and suddenly that’s the only thing he’s able to concentrate on.

“So Mitch. I know we didn’t really start this the way we supposed to,” says Auston and Mitch just laughs at that. “And like I’m still not 100% confident about like labels and stuff?”

“And stuff,” Mitch mocks him a bit because he has to. He also somehow has to cope with the impossible lightness in his stomach.

Auston ignores him. “But what I’m 100% confident about is this: I love you and I want you in my life.”

Mitch is so in love with Auston.

“That was so smooth, Matthews, holy shit,” is what he says instead, and then he can’t help but add: “I love you too, just for the record.”

“Good,” smiles Auston at him.

And the only thing Mitch wants to do now is lean in and kiss him but he has to know one last thing.

“Can I ask something though?”

Auston nods, encouraging him to go on.

“I’m totally okay with you taking the time to pick a label for yourself. Or not pick one ever, if that’s what you’re comfortable with. But…” and now comes the tricky part and Mitch hates that he has to ask, but he can’t get into this if he doesn’t know this for sure, “you do see me as a guy, right?”

Auston grabs his hand the moment the words are out of his mouth. “Of course I do.”

“Just because… like the first time I met you…” and Mitch doesn’t even have to finish the sentence, Auston is already wincing.

“No, I… I get where you’re coming from. But… okay, full disclosure: the first time we met I only assumed you were a… so I only assumed that because I was just so into you?”

“What?”

Auston is still holding Mitch’s hand in his. His thumb very carefully smooths over Mitch’s skin.

“Because you were standing there, rambling about your muffins and your new recipe and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you and then I was just very confused because… you were a guy, and I have never felt so strongly about anyone I’ve ever met. Like I don’t believe in love at first sight but you were just… I knew you were special, I guess” finishes Auston lamely and when he looks at Mitch, he looks scared.

“Oh,” is all Mitch can manage.

“But when I say I want you, I mean I want you as you are, as this amazing, strong man who…”

Mitch closes the distance between them and kisses Auston.

For a second, Auston doesn’t react but then he kisses back and holy shit. Auston Matthews is beautiful and kind and ridiculous and he’s of course a great kisser and Mitch absolutely has to climb into his lap because he needs more of Auston right the fuck now and…

Someone coughs behind them and they jump apart immediately.

“Long time no see, Matthews,” says Mo with a grin on his face and Auston and Mitch are both bright red, hair sticking out in all directions and they definitely look like they’ve been making out for even longer than they actually were.

“Uhm, yeah,” says Auston and tries to straighten his T-shirt a bit. It has the most obvious creases on his front where Mitch’s hands were fisted into the material.

“You guys talked finally?” asks Mo and yeah, Mitch’s moping might have been just as obvious as his crush was.

“Yeah, we did, Mo,” says Mitch sheepishly.

“Great,” says Mo and he just goes back to his office.

Mitch does not understand Mo sometimes.

Mitch and Auston might spend some time grinning stupidly at each other after that.

“So I actually have to do some media stuff today,” says Auston finally, “but I can pick you up after?”

Mitch nods quickly. He’s very enthusiastic about anything Auston says lately. He is a fool, he knows.

“Cool,” says Auston but then stays on the couch.

“You have to leave at some point, you know that, right?” grins Mitch back at him.

“I know,” says Auston. They are both fools. “Okay, I really have to go.”

But when they both manage to finally stand up, Auston grabs Mitch’s hand and pulls him in for another kiss.

(One day Mitch will not get all wobbly and light-headed when Auston kisses him but today is definitely not that day. Mitch earned this.)

And because they are clichés, after the kiss (or maybe kisses) Auston just rests his forehead against Mitch’s for a second.

“I love you,” he whispers.

And then he’s gone. And Mitch is left standing in the middle of their little staff room, a ghost of the previous kiss still buzzing on his lips, stomach still flipping and heart beat still thumping hard against his ribcage.

Mitch will go back out again in a second and he will let Zach make fun of him for his beaming grin and he will be so cheerful with the customers that they might even smile back at him and then he will be picked up by Auston and he’ll have the best night he had in a while and he will fall asleep with Auston again.

But before all that, he just stands there, he breathes in and he breathes out and he appreciates the fact that he’s here, he’s loved, he’s living and he’s Mitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a shitshow of an evening today so here's 3k words of my favorite idiots in love. I think we all needed some happiness in our lives after today - I sure as hell did.
> 
> (At least the Stars are playing a matinee game, high five to my fellow Europeans, we finally have something to watch.)
> 
> Love you all so much.


	13. Mitch has even more feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitch knows dating Auston Matthews should be a big deal. Because he is famous and rich and so out of Mitch’s league and they have completely different lives and it shouldn’t be this easy. But it’s still somehow not like that. It is a big deal, sure, but not for these reasons. 
> 
> (In which Mitch tries to celebrate a special occasion.)

Mitch’s favorite book growing up was Anne of Green Gables. He read the book when he was around eight years old – and just completely and utterly fell in love with it.

Maybe it was Anne’s bubbly and endearing character or those beautiful sentences almost flowing out of the pages but Mitch was charmed and for a couple years he re-read the whole series every summer.

Mitch loved reading other books too, was never picky about genres and writers – he read everything from non-fiction to crime stories. His parents were always happy when he was reading too, they were proud of him for being a good child, reading quietly in his room while his brother, Chris was running around the house with all his pent up youthful energy.

(Mitch genuinely enjoyed reading and never done it for the sake of making his parents happy. It doesn’t mean he also wasn’t filled with joy when his parents praised him for it, for staying quiet, for being the perfect little lady.)

When he left his parents’ house, he left behind a lot of things but his well-read, worn copy of Anne of Green Gables was in his bag; a bit mushed, a bit more wrinkled but it was there, bundled into an old sweatshirt of his.

He read that book every summer ever since he could read.

He hasn’t read it since he started transitioning, couldn’t even bare looking at the flowers on the cover, unable to read about “wild cherry trees” and “puffed sleeved dresses”.

He felt guilty just thinking about a world with Octobers in it.

*

Mitch is feeling absolutely and utterly fantastic, thank you very much.

And like… he’s not even trying to use irony here, he really is genuinely feeling really great.

Like so great, that he kind of feels like everything is just too perfect? Too easy? Too comfortable?

Mitch thinks that dating Auston Matthews (because that’s a thing Mitch is currently doing, wild, he knows) should be harder. Mitch should be freaking out. Mitch knows himself – he freaks out over little thing and this, this is not a little thing, it’s a massive enormous huge thing. 

(No, Mitch is not talking about a certain body part of Auston Matthews, get your head out of the gutter, you heathen.)

But Mitch also finds it a bit hard to start worrying about the enormity of the situation because he is currently sprawled out on Auston’s very comfortable couch and has the aforementioned Auston Matthews’ body pressed next to him, while they are scrolling through Netflix. Mitch is not a strong person by any means, he never said he is but he’s also pretty sure that no one on this beautiful planet Earth could be bothered to start worrying and freaking out when they had this man next to them, just breathing and smiling and existing. No one is that strong.

“I want to watch a TV show, I can’t concentrate on a movie”, says Mitch finally when Auston gets stuck on one of the titles, reading the summary of the action movie on the screen.

Auston nudges his nose against Mitch’s forehead. “You know, if we watch a show, we’re just going to end up watching like a bunch of episodes. That’s like more time than an actual movie would be.”

“Don’t even start with me. Watching an hour and a half of a movie and watching an hour and a half of a TV show is like so incredibly different, I can’t even explain it. It’s like… no, just simply no, Aus.”

Auston just laughs and shifts his arm, basically bringing Mitch to sprawl out on his chest instead of the couch. 

(Mitch is very much not complaining. The couch is super comfy but Auston is on another level of comfiness.)

“Okay, let’s watch a TV show then. But I want something new. What do you say we watch…” starts Auston and starts skipping over the boring looking titles, “… maybe Peaky Blinders? I heard good things about it?”

And Mitch would totally answer him, would probably agree with him or ask who recommended it but Mitch is currently stuck on the show next to Peaky Blinders which is… Anne with an E.

Mitch has a very vivid flashback to about a thousand different memories.

“Mitch?” asks Auston and shifts his head a bit lower so he can look at Mitch’s face. Not like Mitch is looking anywhere else but the screen, eyes locked on the small rectangle of the show’s picture, completely mesmerized by it.

“Mitchy… Are you okay, babe?”

“I…” starts Mitch because he doesn’t want to scare Auston and he knows he’s definitely scaring him. Just say something, anything. “I just noticed that show.”

Auston just waits, his presence enveloping Mitch, his breathing careful and measured – the anchor Mitch finds himself leaning on more and more lately.

“Which show?” asks Auston finally. He knows Mitch will tell him but he also knows Mitch could probably use some prompting, something to leech onto so it’s easier to start.

“Anne with an E. It’s… based on Anne of Green Gables. You know the book?” asks Mitch, but instead of looking up at Auston’s face, he starts playing with the hem of Auston’s T-shirt. A piece of thread comes loose and doesn’t Auston spend a ridiculous amount of money on clothes, why are they falling apart?

“I think Breyana read it? I’m not sure though. Do you like it?” asks Auston and even though the topic is so completely innocent, just chatting about a book, his voice is so gentle and open like he’s completely aware that the situation is much bigger than just the damn book.

(Auston is aware of that. Auston is aware of many, many things related to Mitch – way more than Mitch could even dare to hope for right now. He’ll understand it one day, just how much Auston actually knows and cares.)

“It’s a girly book”, blurts out Mitch finally and he can feel himself blushing.

Auston goes to say something but then closes his mouth. The silence stretches over them, both of them hoping the other would say something.

“Okay. But do you think the show is worth watching though? Because it looks like it has an amazing soundtrack. Like yeah, Netflix is usually good with the music, but it looks even better than that” says Auston, and clicks over to the show’s title.

Mitch forgets about his embarrassment for a second in his complete befuddlement. “How would you know if it has a good soundtrack or not, just by looking at the title?”

“Oh, you just know. Like if the cover picture for the show is done like, really prettily and aesthetically pleasingly and stuff, you can bet it has a great soundtrack”, explains Auston totally seriously while his eyes quickly scan over the summary.

Mitch is silent for a second. He knows Auston gave him an out, that they can just ignore his earlier comment. They both know he didn’t really mean it. 

(They both know he still kind of did.)

And the thing is, again, Mitch knows dating Auston Matthews should be a big deal. Because he is famous and rich and so out of Mitch’s league and they have completely different lives and it shouldn’t be this easy. But it’s still somehow not like that. It is a big deal, sure, but not for these reasons. 

It’s a big deal because even though Auston sometimes still flinches when his sister says something about him being gay, he never backtracked on the things he said in the bakery the day they finally got their shit together. It is a big deal because even though they both have good days and bad days and amazing days and really horrible ones, they always end the day saying ‘I love you’ to each other and meaning it. It is a big deal because even though Mitch still feels dysphoric as hell some days, Auston never ever lets him go to sleep without making him smile at least once first.

It is a big deal and Mitch wants it to be a big deal. And Mitch also wants to tell Auston things – things that he never thought he would want to tell another person.

“We don’t have to watch it if you don’t want to”, says Auston when Mitch doesn’t say anything.

“No”, Mitch puts his hand on Auston’s, stopping him from changing back from the title. “I do want to though. I love the book.”

Auston kisses his temple. Then he kisses in one more time for good measure. Then presses play.

They are about five minutes in when Mitch starts talking again.

“I read the book, all the books almost every summer, ever since I was like… 8 or 9 or something”, he says quietly. He knows Auston will hear him anyway.

“So it’s that good? I’m pretty sure I never read a book twice in my life.”

“It shows,” says Mitch and yeah, he deserves that smack on his head. 

They are silent again after that for a while, but then it’s Auston who starts talking again.

“You know… I actually watched a lot of Disney Channel growing up with my sisters. Hannah Montana was a sick show.”

Mitch doesn’t know what to say to that, but it doesn’t matter because Auston continues.

“You can like whatever you like. Girly, manly, whatever. If it’s a good show, you should watch it.”

Mitch loves this man a whole lot. The more and more every minute kind of love.

“Okay. Then we can binge watch the whole thing”, says Mitch and finally looks up at Auston.

“You sure you can concentrate for that many hours?” Auston teases him. 

Mitch just smiles and then presses a kiss to Auston’s lips. “It has a good soundtrack, I’ll manage.”

*

Time flies by so quickly that Mitch doesn’t even realize that he and Auston have been dating for a month now. But when he realizes that they have been dating for a month he also realizes that they have been dating for exactly one month and oh god, don’t people celebrate things like that?

Are they celebrating things like that? Are they an anniversary kind of couple? How do people know what sort of couple they are?

(Communication, kids, communication is always the answer.)

Mitch has his freak out (because what else would he be having, really) in the middle of the street. He’s just done with Fangio’s walk and they’re currently making their way back to Auston’s place (because where else would they be going, really) when the whole realization just hits him.

He’s also coincidentally in front of a flower shop. 

Mitch loves flowers and Mitch hates the fact that he loves flowers. But a tiny part of him also always longed for the experience of buying someone he loves flowers, being a gentleman and arranging a beautiful bouquet. It doesn’t even have to be a romantic love. He wants to give flowers to friends, to old ladies, to kind strangers. And to Auston, naturally.

And the thing that really hits Mitch is not even the fact that they have been dating for a month without even really noticing the time just blowing by.

What really hits Mitch is that he can buy the flowers. He can go into the shop and ask for a bouquet and bring it home to the man he loves. 

He can and he will.

*

Mitch starts doubting himself ten minutes before Auston is due home after his game.

The Leafs have already clinched a playoff spot so their last two games are literally meaningless (they don’t even have a mathematical chance of either moving up or down a place) but winning is still a nice thing, so Auston is quite happy when he finally gets home.

Fangio and Mitch are snuggling on the couch, Sportsnet playing on low volume on the background, post-game analysis is still on but Mitch pays almost no attention to it.

He’s looking at the bouquet on the coffee table when he hears the door opening.

The bouquet itself turned out beautifully if Mitch might say so himself. The lady in the flower shop was really nice, asking about the occasion, and after her cheerful “your girlfriend will love this” was met by a quiet “boyfriend, actually”, she simply smiled and said “well, flowers are for everyone”.

(Mitch doesn’t believe in magic words but sometimes years of internalized beliefs can be shattered to pieces by the simple, truthful conviction of a stranger.)

“Hey, babe” says Auston when he finally steps into the living room, jacket discarded somewhere, wearing only his game day suit with his tie already loosened around his neck.

He presses a quick kiss to Mitch’s lips and to Fangio’s head and then he looks at the flowers.

Mitch has to do this now or never, no matter how many times he second guesses himself. He takes the flowers carefully from the table, gets up from the couch and goes to stand in front of Auston.

“You had a great game, we were watching with Fangio, and we were really proud and…” get to the point Mitchell. “And happy anniversary!”

And yeah, now Mitch feels incredibly stupid because Auston is really tall and he’s wearing a ridiculously nice suit and he’s a hockey player literally exuding masculinity and Mitch is holding a bouquet made of lilies and roses and little pink tulips and… yeah, Mitch is blushing and Auston is not reacting.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make this weird…” starts Mitch and he’s ready to forget about this whole thing but Auston stops him when he wants to put the flowers away.

“Oh, no, wait, I just… I didn’t realize it was our anniversary? But these are like really beautiful and now I feel bad I forgot…”

“No, no, we don’t actually have to celebrate, we can just…”

“No, I want to, I…”

And then Mitch just starts laughing because that’s just how Mitch copes with things these days, and because they’re clearly ridiculous, Auston just joins in. 

“Do you want to go out and properly celebrate this weekend? Like dinner and ice cream and all the fancy stuff?” asks Auston finally.

“It wouldn’t be a hardship”, says Mitch and although he still feels a bit of nervous energy lingering in his body, he finally places the bouquet in Auston’s hands.

“I’m going to be honest, I never really expected to get flowers like ever in my life. But now I feel like I was missing out on the good stuff”, says Auston and finally smells the flowers.

“Flowers are for everyone”, says Mitch finally.

And when they settle on the couch, Fangio’s head resting in Mitch’s lap, Mitch’s head resting on Auston’s shoulder, Mitch starts to actually believe that.

Flowers really are for everyone and maybe beautifully written sentences too and hockey as well and Mitch can love all of them equally without feeling like less of a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, sorry for disappearing. I've been a bit busier than usual while also getting major writer's block. This chapter is literally just a plotless sequence of feelings but it got me writing finally so I'm happy with that.  
> (It's also just shameless self projection but what else am I supposed to project onto?)
> 
> Happy belated Women's Day to all the wonderful women kicking ass in the world, with a special shoutout to all the wonderful ladies in my own life. And without taking the spotlight away from all these fierce women, please know that if you're a trans guy who's not out and had to listen to all the well-meaning but still painful celebrations and well wishes, I'm sorry and you're very strong. <3


	14. Mitch has a visitor... again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitch knows he’s allowed to have nice things. With this being said, his first reaction when it all starts to go to shit is still the same old, ingrained reaction to bad things happening.
> 
> It was too good to be true. It was too good to last.
> 
> (In which Mitch has an unexpected conversation.)

Mitch knows he’s allowed to have nice things and to feel good about himself and about life in general. And he does, truly. He spent so many hours in the support group, talking about things he did not want to talk about, ever, under no circumstances before. He also invested almost two years now into slowly rebuilding his self-esteem and unlearning all the bullshit he was fed while growing up. 

He’s doing well. He doesn’t even remember the last time he sent Zach the “Bro, I’m straight up not having a good time” meme.

Because meme but like… yeah, he was actually straight up not having a good time back then.

And it’s not like it is all because of the magical cure-all powers of love. Love is a nice thing and Auston is a very nice thing but Mitch is feeling good about himself because he is finally out and proud and he’s been on T for almost one and a half years and it shows, damn, it really does. And Mitch feels good and he feels happy.

Mitch knows he’s allowed to have nice things. With this being said, his first reaction when it all starts to go to shit is still the same old, ingrained reaction to bad things happening.

It was too good to be true. It was too good to last.

*

It starts like this:

It’s June and Mitch is having a fabulous day. Mo (and consequently Mitch and Zach as well) was asked to cater a gender reveal party of one of Mo’s friend’s friend with baked goods a couple days ago and man, are they busy with that. 

First of all, Mitch would like to have it known that he has a lot of thoughts about the whole gender reveal bullshit. (He offered to share his thoughts with the expecting parents but then Mo told him how much they’re getting paid for the whole shebang and then Mitch promptly decided that his silence can definitely be bought for that price. He needs money for his top surgery, okay? He’s willing to compromise his principles sometimes.)

Second of all, the whole catering thing means that Mitch gets to try out a bunch of new recipes for muffins and tartes, and he even gets to play around with the decorations that they usually don’t have the time to do properly when they’re only baking for the bakery.

So now Mitch is armed with a piping bag and a revolving cake stand and he has never felt more powerful in his entire life. Mitch is loving this gender reveal bullshit.

The joke here, of course, is that he literally spots him for the first time as he’s decorating a potential ‘girl’ cake with little pink roses covering the whole thing, feeling wildly happy about life.

Chris is already looking at him when he finally spots him.

The little bell is still ringing, indicating his entrance and even though Mitch hears that sound hundreds of times every day, it somehow feels louder this time, ringing for longer than it should. Chris doesn’t make a move, he just keeps staring.

Mitch desperately wants to feel happy to see him but his stomach feels heavy and his nails are digging painfully into his palm. He slowly unclenches his fist and takes a deep breath. It’s going to be okay.

What Mitch forgot about was that Zach has never had the chance to meet Chris in real life.

“Hey, man, what can I get you?” Zach asks cheerfully, not realizing that Mitch’s is trying very hard not to fall apart surrounded by his beloved muffins. 

Chris only stops staring at Mitch when it becomes painfully obvious that it was him that Zach addressed.

“Uhm…” he starts. “I’m actually…” he says and he looks so awkward that for a minute, Mitch starts to entertain the idea that he might have come here with good intentions. Or at least, not bad intentions. Adequate intentions.

And now Zach is starting to pick up on the vibe, the awkwardness radiating off of both Chris and Mitch. 

“Do you guys know each other?” Zach crooks an eyebrow toward Mitch.

“Uhm… you could say that,” Mitch says quietly.

Chris take a deep breath. “Can I maybe talk to you alone?”

“I…” Mitch hesitates. 

A part of him yearns to go with Chris because he is a hopeless fool who still, after all this time dares to hope that Chris is here to… here to do what though, Mitchell? Apologize? Beg for forgiveness? Mend their broken relationship?

(Another part of him wants to see Chris gone. To shout at Chris, to tell him he’s a grade-A asshole and then make him go away. Maybe even throw something at him. He wants to see him hurt that’s the thing, he wants Chris to feel his anger and his pain.

Mitch thought he was better than this but he’s clearly not.)

“Mitch, please,” says Chris, pleading like it really does matter to him whether Mitch is willing to talk to him or not. 

It’s also the first time a member of Mitch’s family used his name and Mitch doesn’t want it to affect him but, man, the wave of emotions just shudders through him.

“Zach, you mind if I go for my lunch break now?” asks Mitch finally, still looking at Chris.

“Oh, sure, it’s okay”, says Zach, voice thick with confusion. Then he lowers his words to a whisper, so it’s only Mitch who hears him. “You’re going to be okay?”

Mitch nods, looking braver than he actually is. He unties his apron and when he goes to put it down in the staff room, he might take a few seconds than really necessary. 

You can do this, Mitch. It’s just a lunch.

*

They barely stepped out of the bakery but an uncomfortable silence has already settled between them.

“You still like Italian, right?” asks Mitch finally as they head towards a busier road. 

Chris nods but doesn’t elaborate so Mitch leads them to a close-by restaurant that Auston and he tried a couple weeks ago.

Speaking of, Mitch would really, really like to call Auston right now. Mitch likes to think he’s not this clingy but he also feels like an estranged brother turning up out of nowhere is a valid reason to miss one’s boyfriend. He’s definitely not an expert on the topic but he’s still pretty sure he’s right.

Auston’s in Arizona though, sending Mitch smiling selfies every day, looking sunburnt on the bridge of his nose, radiating happiness as he’s playing baseball with his childhood buddies. Mitch does not like baseball but he would honestly be down to play a game or two if it meant he wouldn’t have to sit here, facing Chris in gloomy Toronto.

Mitch might be dreading this conversation a bit more than he let on before.

They order in almost complete silence, Chris getting lasagna, while Mitch goes for this amazing ravioli stuffed with ricotta and spinach and possibly some sort of magical wizardry because no matter how many times he tries to recreate it, it’s just not the same. He hopes he’ll still have an appetite by the time the food actually arrives.

When the waiter is finally gone, the uncomfortable silence is immediately back.

“So… How do you like working in the bakery?” asks Chris finally after at least a couple minutes passed in complete silence. It was Chris who came here to talk, Mitch is not going to do the work for him.

“It’s good, I like the guys I’m working with.”

“That’s great. That guy, Zach, was it? He seemed nice.”

Mitch makes a noncommittal sound and that effectively kills the conversation again. They spend a couple minutes just staring out the window, looking at a group of tourists trying to take a selfie with all of them in the picture. They don’t succeed.

The waiter puts their meals down, and they both say thank you to him without looking up at the other.

(The ravioli is still really good though, Mitch would like to highlight that. It is certainly the highlight of this whole lunch break.)

After they’ve been eating for a bit, Chris braves the conversation again.

“I know you always liked baking, you used to make these…"

But Mitch doesn’t want to hear this, this empty excuse of a conversation. “Why are you here, Chris?”

That silences him. He’s looking at his hands, fingers loosely intertwined in his lap. He is emphatically not looking at Mitch.

“I got engaged last week.” 

And this is so the opposite of what Mitch expected him to say, that Mitch just lets out an airy little laugh without meaning to. It escapes from his throat, without permission and for a second, Mitch feels embarrassed. His brother just told him he was engaged and he laughs at his face? Not cool. No matter what has happened between them, getting engaged is something really nice and Mitch doesn’t want to make fun of that. He’s that sort of hopeless romantic, sue him.

But his laugh also makes Chris look up at him. And suddenly it just clicks for Mitch that his brother is really sitting here, talking about his life and he has about a thousand different things he could say and a thousand different things he could ask but all of them seems to be stuck in his throat.

“Congratulations?” Mitch says finally. “That’s nice for you.”

“Thanks,” says Chris with a shy little smile on his lips. “I’m really happy, she’s… she’s honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

And Mitch is actually happy for him. He really is. Chris looks in love and happy and…

Mitch still has not idea why Chris is actually here.

“Man, that’s really nice. I’m happy for you. But…” he starts but he has no idea how to say ‘why the hell are you here now?’ in a way that doesn’t sound like ‘why the hell are you here now?’.

“But why the hell am I here?” asks Chris, the same familiar smile still playing on his face, and for a second, Mitch remembers the fact that there was a time when they used to be close, when they would cover for each other and laugh at each other’s stupid jokes and…. When they would be there for each other. A simpler time.

“Uhm, yeah… We haven’t talked to each other in almost two years, in case you forgot.” 

That finally makes Chris stop smiling. It fills Mitch with a sense of accomplishment, smile finally wiped off of Chris’s face. 

(He only feels that for just a second though. Then he’s embarrassed for even thinking it.)

“I’m so sorry… Mitch.” He hesitates for a second. “I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I know you might not forgive me for that but please know that I know I made a mistake and I am really, so sorry for it.”

Mitch has no idea what to say to that. But it looks like it doesn’t matter because Chris seems like he’s gearing up for a fight and he continues.

“I was so dumb to never realize what an asshole I was to you. But then I met Allison and we started dating and then I fell for her, like really hard. And then one day, she was talking about me being an only child and I just… I just blurted out that I have a sister. And she was so confused because we’ve been dating for almost a year now and I literally proposed to her like 3 days before this and you know, lying about having a sibling is like a pretty big deal, apparently? So she asked me why I never mentioned having a sister and why she never met her and stuff. And then, I was like because, well, I don’t actually have a sister… That I have a brother. And she got really quiet and she asked me if I thought she’d have problems with me having a… transgender sibling. And she was so hurt that I would think that. And then… I know it sounds so stupid, she told me plenty of times how stupid I was, but then I told her what happened and how we… how we don’t keep in touch and then… she somehow got even more upset and told me I was an absolute tool and that she never would have thought I was this bigoted asshole…” 

He’s silent for a couple seconds and when he starts again, he is quiet and sounds embarrassed.

“And then I told her that she knows nothing about what it’s like to have... God, I feel so bad just saying this now… And we didn’t talk for days after. But she got me thinking and then I… I knew I was thick in the head but not this much… So I started to realize that from the day mom and dad told me what happened I never really thought about how they might not be right about you. I know it’s not an excuse but you know, I got home after you told them, and mom was crying, absolutely bawling her eyes out and dad was angry and he was shouting for days and then I also caught him crying and… I’m so sorry, but I was blaming… I was blaming you for the whole thing. Because I felt like my family was falling apart and you were gone and…”

Chris takes a deep breath and it sounds like he might also start crying. Mitch is… Mitch is not looking better either.

“So then I apologized to Allison and she said that it’s not her I should be apologizing to. So… this is why I’m here. Because I was an asshole and I am just… so incredibly sorry for everything.”

Silence settles between them. Mitch knows that Chris is waiting for him to say something, he looks up at Mitch’s face with this hopeful look on his face, but Mitch can’t seem to open his mouth.

When he finally does, he says the only thing that comes to his mind. “You abandoned me for two years.”

And Mitch hates how shattered Chris looks, he does, but what is he supposed to say here? It’s great that Chris came to his senses, it’s great that he’s finally cool with everything and that he even apologized for it but it’s also… It’s two years late, that’s what it is.

“I… I’m really sorry,” says Chris, and Mitch feels like he should have counted how many times the sentence left Chris’s mouth. A lot, he guesses. “I can’t really change that though.”

“Yeah, you can’t,” agrees Mitch and Chris looks so uncomfortable as he watches Mitch shuffling a single piece of ravioli from one side of his plate to another. Mitch guesses it’s not actually because of the ravioli.

“I’m happy you came here to apologize. Allison seems like a really nice girl,” says Mitch eventually but his voice sounds even fake to him.

“If it makes a difference, I’m not talking to mom and dad now,” says Chris and Mitch’s head snaps up at hearing that.

“Why… No, don’t make me the reason why you fuck up you relationship with them. I won’t be the reason for that”, says Mitch and it comes out angrier than he meant to be but then… he really is angry.

“What?” Chris looks taken aback. “I thought you’d be happy about that. After what they did to you…”

“You all did that to me. It wasn’t just them Chris. Just because you had your little epiphany, it doesn’t make it undone. You shut me out when you knew what I had to go through. You knew and you still decided that I didn’t deserve a family. That I didn’t deserve to be who I was.”

And there it is, now Mitch is really, truly angry. The anger that he’s been keeping in for years now, and it’s out now.

“I… what do you want me to do here, Mitch?”

And Mitch doesn’t know the answer to that. They can’t change what already happened. And Mitch doesn’t know if there’s even anything left to be done here.

“I need time, Chris. I can’t just… you can’t expect me to accept you back into my life with open arms like nothing happened. A lot has happened.”

“But can you maybe give me another chance?” 

Mitch is silent for a second. “My lunch break is over, I have to get back.”

And Chris – there are no better words for it – just visibly sinks hearing that. He finally nods and flags down a waiter to get their bill. When he insists on paying for the both of them, Mitch says a quick thank you and nothing more. 

When they leave the restaurant, Chris extends his hand toward Mitch.

“I hope we can talk after this. I know you need time, Mitch, okay? I know. Just… call me, please? When you are ready to talk?”

Mitch considers not taking his hand. He decides against it almost immediately. 

Chris’ hand is warm and calloused and familiar. 

“It was nice to see you, Mitch.”

Mitch nods. “You too, Chris.”

*

Mitch calls Auston almost immediately after his lunch with Chris, before he even goes back to the bakery. He’s sitting on a bench in the nearby park and blurts out everything, bits and pieces of the conversation swapping places, the timeline getting a bit muddled up, but the gist of it is there and Auston listens.

When Mitch is finally done and Auston starts to speak, he sounds slow and sleepy like he just woke up for this conversation, which he probably did, considering the time difference, and for a second, Mitch forgets about the whole thing because a sleepy Auston is simply an adorable one.

(Love is not a magical cure-all. But it does help in ways.)

Auston, the fool, also offers to fly back to Toronto immediately because Mitch is clearly a damsel in distress (or whatever the male equivalent of that is) who needs to be saved from the big bad wolf. 

“You don’t need to be saved. I’d just like to be there for you,” says Auston simply, and dammit, dude, you can’t say something like that when you are like 2 thousand miles from here. 

“You don’t have to call him right now, babe. Give yourself some time. That was really unexpected, of course you don’t know how you should feel about it, it’s totally natural,” is another thing Auston tells him and Mitch has no idea when Auston became the more mature out of the two of them but he’s more than okay with it.

(He also tells Mitch that he loves him and he misses him a whole lot. That’s probably the most important part of the conversation if Mitch’s being honest here – it’s the most important for him for sure.)

*

Mitch’s phone sits heavily in his pocket the next day.

And then the next day.

And the one after that.

He doesn’t call Chris.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I swear I'm not trying to disappear. I've been a bit busy with my last semester and like... life in general but I'm here, I'm still updating and I hope some of you are still around to read this.
> 
> Your time is much appreciated as always, thank you for reading! <3


	15. Mitch has some unexpected conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you had an actual job, you’d know how hard that is,” says the man and for a second, Mitch thinks he’s kidding. He has to be.
> 
> Mitch is great at handling conflicts. He is great, bloody wonderful.
> 
> (In which Mitch is not a damsel in distress but he is still saved by an unexpected hero.)

It’s finally July and Auston is coming back from his 2-week trip to Arizona today and everything should be absolutely amazing with birds chirping and unicorns flying and the whole shebang.

Instead, the weather’s gloomy and Zach was already in a fool mood when he came in and the customers all decided to be completely insufferable and Mitch is trying to stay positive but dammit, he is not going to remake that stupid latte for a third time, no, sir, you said you wanted lactose-free milk, how was Mitch supposed to know that you meant soy? No, it’s not the same thing, you moron.

“Well, I’m not going to pay for it. You should pay more attention to your customers. That’s the only thing you need to do here,” says the man, and Mitch just. He can’t, he just can’t with this.

“Of course, it’s not like you know, this is an actual job,” says Mitch and he knows that the line behind the man is getting longer but he can’t bring himself to care.

“If you had an actual job, you’d know how hard that is,” says the man and for a second, Mitch thinks he’s kidding. He has to be.

Mitch is great at handling conflicts. He is great, bloody wonderful.

“Sir, if you’re not purchasing anything, I’ll have to ask you to leave,” he grits the words through his teeth.

“Now you’re kicking me out? Such a sensitive pussy, can’t even handle hearing the truth…”

And Mitch really has no idea how the situation has escalated this quickly but now Zach is also by his side, and shit, the whole bakery is watching their exchange.

“What did you just say?” asks Zach. His tone tells Mitch that he heard the man the first time, clearly and unmistakably.

“Zach, no, I can handle…” starts Mitch, but then his blood freezes up when the man continues.

“This little faggot here can’t even make a simple coffee order,” says the man and several people in the store audibly wince at that.

“Get the fuck out of here or I’ll beat the shit out of you,” says Zach and Mitch has never heard his tone become so dark. It makes even him anxious for a second and the words are not even directed at him.

The man is not moving, just keeps staring at Zach. Although, his initial confidence seems to be deflating a bit.

The silence in the bakery is broken by a petite, blonde woman who’s standing directly behind the man.

“Sir, could you please be an asshole somewhere else? I’d like to get a cup of coffee before I have to go to work and your petulant scene here is holding up the line. And before you ask: I’m a nurse, I hope you do consider that to be a real job,” she says and Mitch has the strongest desire to shout ‘burn’ at the man’s face. He’s not that brave but god, he wishes he was.

That and the low snickering from someone at the end of the line seems to finally embarrass the man enough that he starts moving towards the door, cutting through the accumulated crowd as quickly as he can. He stops before the door like he considers coming back but then with one final look he storms out of the bakery.

Mitch looks at the woman who starts blushing a bit from the sudden attention as several people in the line congratulate her on what she just said.

“Hey,” says Mitch when she finally gets in front of the counter. “Thank you for standing up for me. That was really cool of you.”

“I was just being a decent person,” she shrugs.

“Still, thank you. What can I get for you?”

She orders a medium iced latte and a chocolate muffin and when she hands her card over, Mitch just shakes his head.

“On the house,” says Mitch with a smile as he hands the coffee and the paper bag over. “Can I ask you your name?”

She flicks a long blonde piece of hair over her shoulder before she answers.

“It’s Allison.”

*

Mitch picks Auston up at the airport in Auston’s car and drives them to Auston’s place and it’s not like Mitch is living there but after he drops the keys into the little bowl in front of the mirror, he turns around to finally give Auston a ‘welcome, home’ kiss and it’s… it’s just so incredibly natural and Mitch has no idea how this became a normal thing in his life.

He doesn’t want to say that their relationship is perfect. No relationship is. But Mitch genuinely thinks they’re doing amazing for two guys who have absolutely no clue how a relationship is supposed to work. No clue at all.

Like the first time they talked about sex? A conversation that almost sent Mitch into a panic attack before it even started and then turned out to be a… completely unexpected talk? A completely unexpected but good talk?

(“I know you’re more experienced than I am and that I don’t… really have like… the whole package,” was the only thing Mitch managed to say, (and jesus, how cringy was that Mitchell, the whole package, really, who says that), before he decided to just completely bury his face into Auston’s shoulder. If he can’t see Auston, Auston surely can’t see him.

Mitch is also most definitely a functioning adult who can talk about sex. Totally.

“Am I though? I had sex with one girl and absolutely hated it,” says Auston and okay, wait, what, Mitch is not hiding anymore.

“You what?”

“I was actually really happy we were waiting a bit with that because like… I don’t…” and now Auston seems embarrassed and this is not how Mitch thought this conversation would be playing out.

And Mitch is not sure what he should even respond to that but Auston looks more and more uncomfortable as the silence stretches over them, so Mitch opens his mouth and says the first thing he can think of.

“You don’t have to, you know. It’s okay not to want to have sex.”

“But…” says Auston and he looks objectively a bit dumb with his mouth hanging open. Mitch loves him a stupid amount. “That’s weird. I’m not like a prude.”

Mitch should have started this conversation with some pamphlets. He doesn’t feel like he’s prepared for this. Why are people not going around with some handy educational material in their pockets? Why is that not a thing?

“Babe, those two are like so completely different. Have you never heard about asexuality?”

“No?” and oh god, Mitch is suing like every school system in the world, this is so dumb. “I’m not that though, I’m sure I’m not whatever that is.”

“Okay, but maybe we could first see what it actually is?” says Mitch softly.

He thought the pamphlets should be a joke but man, they’d actually be helpful. For now, his laptop will do, he thinks, as he gets comfortable against Auston and starts typing in.

Auston… is still not a fan of labels. But they’re getting there.)

And they do have actual problems in their relationship too.

There’s the minor issue of, you know, Auston being in the closet and Auston being a professional hockey player who’s a very recognizable person all over the city. And also the problem of their very different financial situations. None of these are ideal and none of these are something they can really change.

There are issues. But there are issues in all relationships.

But it’s fine because right now Mitch is cooking dinner and Auston is sitting on the counter with Fangio taking up the prime real estate that is Auston’s lap. Auston is telling Mitch a story about a shopping trip he took his sisters on and he keeps stealing slices of cheese from a plate and Mitch keeps shooing his hand away and Auston is laughing and Mitch is laughing and everything is disgustingly cute.

Mitch also completely forgets about his day and the asshole customers and Allison.

In hindsight, he wishes they’d spent a little less time on being disgustingly cute and a bit more on ‘oh by the way, I met this really cool girl called Allison, she said such a badass thing, wow, you should have heard it, dude, it was awesome’.

It probably wouldn’t have made a difference either way.

*

To be more precise, he forgets about Allison until the next day when she walks into the bakery again.

The only difference is that this time she’s not alone.

It’s a Sunday morning and the bakery is completely empty. Mo is in the office, doing some paperwork and Mitch is so bored that he actually ends up doing a crossword in one of the daily papers that a customer left behind yesterday. It’s not even a good crossword, Mitch’s been doing it for like 20 minutes now and he’s not even halfway done.

(It’s, of course, the crossword’s fault and not Mitch being stupid or something.)

Auston is supposed to come in after he’s finished up with his trainer and Mitch is basically counting down the minutes. This crossword is giving him a headache.

So really, he should be grateful when the little bell starts ringing again. And he actually is when he sees Allison coming in.

Then he spots Chris behind her and the smile he had on his face melts away as quickly as it appeared.

Oh. Allison, and Mitch can feel his brain putting two and two together. That Allison.

(Honestly, what are the chances? How many Allisons can be in Toronto for fuck’s sake? And she has to be that one?)

“Hey,” says Mitch lamely. He has no idea how he should be acting. Chris is basically hiding behind Allison (which is not successful because Allison is short, like really short).

“Mitch, hi,” starts Allison, “you’re not going to believe the funny story I learnt yesterday.”

Mitch has a feeling it’s not going to be a funny story.

“Allison…” says Chris but Allison just sends him a glare that shuts him up very quickly.

“Mitch, is there any chance we could have a coffee together? The three of us? I feel like our meeting yesterday was missing a few details,” says Allison sweetly and Mitch is absolutely certain that he’s walking into a trap.

“I’m working right now?” he offers lamely. Allison looks around the completely deserted bakery.

“Oh yeah, the place is buzzing,” she says, deadpan, and holy shit, Mitch thought he was good at sarcasm but not this good.

“Just one coffee, please,” says Allison finally and that ‘please’ at the end doesn’t sound like a ‘please’ at all. It sounds like a command.

This is how Mitch finds himself sitting across Chris and Allison, nursing his third cup of the day. He’d really like to go back to his crossword if he’s being honest. He’ll even take a Sudoku over this.

“I know this is awkward,” says Allison when they’re finally settled. “And I also don’t want to meddle with you guys’ personal business.” Oh, yeah, sure you don’t, Allison.

“But I also feel like there’s a lot of miscommunication between the two of you.”

It seems like Allison is waiting for some kind of response, but both Mitch and Chris are just looking at the table with blank expressions. She sighs. Mitch is starting to understand how Chris ended up coming to apologize the other day; that sigh is very persuasive.

“Mitch, I know you and Chris had a rough time and we, of course, understand if you’re not ready to move past that. I know I couldn’t forgive so quickly. But I also want you to know that you are part of our family. And I, for one, would love to get to know my future brother-in-law.”

Mitch is a little stuck on the “you are part of our family” bit.

“We would also love it if you would consider coming to the wedding.”

Oh, okay, wow, this is definitely a lot.

“I…” he starts because Allison is clearly waiting for a response. “I would also love to get to know you. You seem very...”

“Stubborn?” Allison prompts and she seems like she’s enjoying herself.

“I was thinking more like a badass bitch who gets things done but yeah, sure, let’s go with stubborn,” says Mitch and as Allison starts laughing, even Chris cracks a smile at Mitch’s words.

Mitch is far away from forgiving Chris, he can admit that. He’ll might never forgive him. Who knows how much Chris actually changed. But Allison deserves a great brother-in-law and Mitch is… excited about being a great brother-in-law, he realizes suddenly. He wants to be one.

Ha takes a deep breath.

“So, Allison, you’re working as a nurse?”

She is, indeed, working as a nurse and she loves her job. She ends up talking about it for a good 15 minutes so Mitch’s pretty sure that she actually enjoys doing it. She is also a dog person, used to have a little Westie that she loved dearly and Mitch almost immediately decides that Allison is his new favorite person ever.

But while Mitch and Allison is holding an easy conversation, Chris stays almost completely silent which… Mitch doesn’t really want to talk to Chris if he’s being honest. But Chris looks a bit sad and left out and Mitch catches him looking at Mitch a couple times. And Mitch still thinks Chris deserves it but seeing him sad also makes Mitch feel a bit sorry for him. Not a lot… but a little sorry nonetheless.

Mo comes out about 20 minutes after they started talking and he looks very confused as he spots Mitch by the table.

“Uhm, hi?” Mo says as he makes his way over to them and flings the hand towel he’s holding over his shoulder. “Have we met?”

“Mo, this is my…” Mitch hesitates a bit. “This is Allison, my future sister-in-law and… Chris, her fiancé.” Which is probably the most roundabout way of introducing you brother but yeah, we’re talking about Mitch here, are we even surprised?

Mo is not smiling. Actually, if there is a complete opposite of warmly smiling at someone, then Mo’s most definitely doing whatever that is.

“Chris? Your brother, Chris?”

“Mo…” starts Mitch but Mo’s already ignoring him.

“You’re a real asshole, you know that, right?” he says looking at Chris who is busy avoiding looking at anyone. Especially Mo.

After a couple seconds of silence though, Chris nods. “I know I am. I was. I’m really sorry about that.”

“Sorry, eh? You’re sorry. Well, then everything’s solved,” says Mo and honestly, who is Mitch kidding, apparently everybody’s better at sarcasm than he is. He can’t compete with these people.

When Chris says nothing, Mo turns to Allison. “I’m Mo.”

Allison takes his hand and shakes it firmly. “Allison. Apparently you’re a good boss, if I can believe what Mitch tells me.”

Mo finally smiles at that. “Well, my employees are chatting away during their work hours without a care in the world so I’m not so sure about that.”

And then the door opens and, of course, that’s when Auston decides to finally show up. Of fucking course.

He stops by the door when he spots the little gathering. “Uhm…” he stars and Mitch feels like he should say something very quickly because both Allison and Chris are looking at Auston with wide eyes and Mo, the absolute traitor, whispers something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like “this is gonna be good”.

Any time now, Mitchell.

“Oh my god, can I get an autograph? Do you mind?” says Allison excitedly.

Auston is looking at Mitch and Mitch is looking at him and Mo is laughing and now Chris also starts to shift his eyes between Auston and Mitch and they look like they’re in the last act of a goddamn Shakespearean play.

For fuck’s sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exam season is almost upon me so, of course, I'm writing this instead. Of course, I am.


	16. Mitch goes to the bookstore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Mitch might be a little predictable but he immediately heads to the closest Indigo.
> 
> (In which Mitch has a little drama in his life. For the thousandth time, honestly)

Mitch is about to make a decision that might change his life drastically, monumentally. It’s tough and he’s scared and he’s almost certain he’s going to end up regretting this.

F. Scott Fitzgerald’s debut novel, a greatly underappreciated masterpiece that has been sitting on his wishlist for literal years now or a book that he has never heard of but which has an incredibly pretty cover and now Mitch can’t even bear the thought of leaving it behind? Which one is it going to be?

Mitch is holding one book in each of his hands, measuring them slowly, like the weight of the novels is the most important factor here. He lifts up the impulse book, then raises the Fitzgerald novel.

He stares at both of them for at least a minute just taking in the feelings – the vibes – of the books.

Then he’s promptly scared to death when suddenly a voice speaks up less than a foot away from him.

‘I knew you would be here.’

*

Some people deal with conflict in a reasonable way. They try to remain calm and see the situation from the other person’s point of view. Collected, rational – more concentrated on solving the issue then their hurt feelings.

Others simply lose their shit – they shout and they cry and then for good measure, they also storm out, slamming the door behind them.

Mitch would like to believe that he is a loyal member of the first group.

Mitch is just so very wrong.

*

He must be dreaming. There is no other explanation for the things he’s seeing. Nothing.

Auston Matthews is having an animated conversation with Chris, and Allison and Mo are laughing hard at whatever funny thing Chris has just said.

Mitch has no idea what the conversation is about because, you know, he is way too busy freaking out about the fact that the conversation is actually happening, right here and right now.

It took approximately 5 seconds for Auston to warm up to the fact that he is apparently meeting the in-laws now (although they don’t know that, Mitch is carefully keeping his distance from Auston even though they’re sitting right next to each other, and Auston was following his lead without any hesitation about it) and now it seems like Chris and Auston are basically long-lost best friends.

Mitch is so confused. Mitch has so many questions because no one else seems to be confused. In fact, they are acting like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

The only thing that makes Mitch kind of, sort of believe that it is indeed actually happening, is when suddenly Auston casually presses his knee into his – a silent ‘are you ok?’ which Mitch takes gratefully and presses back.

He is not okay, but how are you supposed to tell that with your knee?

And it’s not even the truth. Mitch doesn’t necessarily have a problem with how things are. He thinks it’s the weirdest and most random thing ever, having all these people around him just chatting casually (he’s pretty sure he heard Mo say something about a cruise to the Bahamas but he might be making that up) – but other than it being weird, it’s not actually… bad.

Until it is.

Because of course, it is.

“Mitch, I’m talking to you, hey,” is the thing the Mitch finally actually hears coming out of Chris’ mouth and he’s trying really hard to look like someone who has been paying attention to their conversation for the last 30 minutes.

Judging from Chris’ laugh, he does not succeed.

“What did you ask?” Mitch asks back, blushing a little but Chris just waves him off. 

“Mitch, I was just asking: how did you end up being friends with a freaking NHL player? This has literally been your biggest dream since you were a little gi… kid,” he says and although he catches himself at the very last moment, everyone around the table notices what he almost said. Very visibly. Like the conversation that Auston, Allison and Mo was having next to them immediately dies down visibly.

Mitch can’t stop the wince escaping his lips and he doesn’t even know if it’s just because of Chris’ slip or because… well, Auston is looking at him in a very curious way and shit, he was not supposed to know this. 

Mitch probably looks like a tomato and he knows his voice is going to crack. Because of course, this is Mitch’s life, what else did we expect? 

“Oh really?” Auston says with a smile on his face that almost looks genuine and teasing but when their eyes meet, he seems more concerned than amused. Mitch loves him a lot, like a lot lot.

“I mean… I liked hockey,” offers Mitch and he’s begging all the Gods up in the sky or wherever they are to please, please stop this.

Chris snorts, quickly recovering from his slip. Mitch should really start praying on a regular basis because only doing it when he needs something is clearly not working.

“Sure, you like hockey. Or you just like watching the hockey players. You had the biggest crush on… who was it? He was on the Leafs, I’m totally blanking here.”

“Chris, I think that’s enough,” says Allison as she’s carefully watching Mitch and when Mitch looks up at her, she doesn’t seem particularly impressed with Chris’ words although she still has a polite smile on her face.

But Chris, the utter idiot that he is, apparently still can’t intercept the most basic social cues because he continues.

“Oh come on, I’m not saying he has a crush on Auston. You know I’m not saying that, right?”

And Mitch doesn’t know if he’s asking him or Auston or even Allison or Mo, he just knows that this is about the turn really ugly and he has absolutely no idea how to stop it. He can’t seem to control anything happening in his life lately.

But when no one answers his question, Chris look a little taken aback. Mitch belatedly realizes that he really should have at least try to laugh this whole thing off or deny it or even throw in a ‘no homo, haha’ but then Chris opens his mouth again and goddammit, can’t he just stop?

“I mean… wait, do you still like guys? Doesn’t that make the whole thing kinda…”

And he waves around and Mitch for a second is just so taken aback by the fact that Chris seems to be completely fine having this fucking conversation with him not just in front of simple strangers, but before Auston freaking Matthews? Like… how is he suddenly so confident in talking to Mitch? Where is that awkward guy who could barely start a conversation with him literally like two weeks ago?

But then all these thoughts promptly fly out of his head because Chris eventually stops making his wide gestures and finishes his sentence: “Doesn’t that make the whole thing kind of pointless?”

And then everyone around the table winces.

“Chris, you are such a fucking idiot,” says Allison and starts furiously whispering at Chris’ confused face but Mitch can’t understand anything she says. He’s looking at his interlaced fingers resting on his thighs and he knows he’s shaking but he can barely feel it.

“But how should I know I can’t say something like that? How should I know?” Mitch hears Chris say angrily to Allison but he doesn’t want to hear it, not like this, not here.

“Pointless… You mean my transition?” asks Mitch finally as the uncomfortable silence settles over the table. His voice doesn’t crack and he’s actually really surprised at how calm he sounds.

Chris is silent for a second like now he’s considering every word he says. (Maybe he should have started this great habit just a tad bit earlier.)

“I mean if you like guys then it doesn’t really make sense? You could have just… you know. But I’m not saying that it was pointless, I didn’t mean it like that, you know…” he rambles and rambles and Mitch can barely make sense of his words.

“But you did.”

He finally glances up and he’s looking at Chris and he’s looking back and Mitch is begging him to say something, to deny it… but he remains quiet.  
Mitch appreciates the honesty at least.

“Well, at least I know what you really think now,” he says, can’t help but let the bitterness steep into his voice.

“Hey,” says Auston softly. “Mitch.” He doesn’t continue. There’s honestly not a lot that could be said at the moment. 

He takes a deep breath.

“Can you let me out, please?” he looks at Auston who’s blocking his way and Auston gets up so quickly like he’s been burnt by the faux-leather covered chair he’s sitting on.

Mitch gets out of his chair and he tries to ignore the burning silence that follows his movements.

He starts walking towards the door but then he stops suddenly and slowly looks back at Chris.

“I really wanted to believe you when you said you would try being better. I should have known it was never going to work,” he says quietly and Chris is looking at him confused and a little hurt and Mitch can’t take it anymore.

“Mitch…” Chris starts but he’s not listening to him anymore.

He opens the door and before he knows, he’s outside and there’s a slam behind him. 

What a drama king.

*

So Mitch might be a little predictable but he immediately heads to the closest Indigo.

Bookstores have always been a safe place for him. People don’t talk to each other in book stores. They don’t question each other and they don’t hurt each other and they don’t even try to engage in unnecessary pleasantries. People can be finally alone in bookstores – without actually being lonely.

Until of course, Auston Matthews shows up and scares the hell out of the peaceful customers. Rude, Aus, simply rude.

“I’m predictable,” says Mitch when his beating heart slows down a bit.

Auston is standing close to him while still keeping a casual distance between them and Mitch wants to bury his face in his chest and push him away at the same time.

“Yeah, you and your books,” agrees Auston and he carefully pushes one of the books on the shelf so that it’s perfectly aligned with the others. It almost makes Mitch smile, the simplest act sometimes meaning the most.

“Sorry for storming out,” says Mitch finally after they both fell silent.

“One of your least dramatic performances honestly, kind of disappointing,” shrugs Auston and Mitch can’t help but snort.

Auston looks so goddamn pleased with himself.

Mitch is just happy he is not asking him stupid questions like “are you okay” and company. 

“Hey, let’s go back to my place,” he says finally and Mitch slowly nods.

Bookstores are his safe place – but he is starting to realize that people can be safe places too.

“Wait...” says Mitch when Auston starts to head to the exit. “Which one?” he asks as he holds up the two books in his hands.

Auston takes a long look at both. “The one with the shiny cover, duh.”

Auston is such a literary genius and Mitch loves him.

*

“So…” Auston starts when they are finally settled on his couch, empty plates discarded around them.

“Yes, dear” says Mitch when Auston doesn’t continues.

Matthews gives him a look, and okay, yeah, Mitch guesses he kind of deserves that.

“I don’t know… I mean… I know what he said wasn’t the worst thing ever. Like I’m pretty sure he said way worse things and the fact that he just ignored me is like the worst possible thing. Compared to that, today way just… moderately shitty?” Mitch is explaining this so amazingly.

“It was shitty. Though I hope you would still like me if I wasn’t a gorgeous hockey player,” jokes Auston and he’s clearly trying so hard to make this conversation easier for Mitch, Mitch’s heart just aches with all the feelings he’s currently feeling. He’s feeling a lot, okay?

You’re not going to let me live that down, are you?” snorts Mitch but he doesn’t dare to look up at Auston.

“The day you come into the locker room, your opinion about hockey players will change so quickly, it’s not even funny,” says Auston and Mitch just smiles at the couch. (Auston does have a point in that.)

They’re silent for a couple seconds, Mitch slowly lamenting his thoughts.

“It just hurt, you know? Because I’ve been thinking this exact thought for a really long time now.”

“Which thought? That…”

“That it’s kind of pointless. I mean, pointless might not be the best word but... Like… I could be living as a straight girl, how much easier that would be, gosh,” Mitch says forcefully, and he doesn’t even realize that he fisted his hand into Auston’s hoodie until Auston carefully removes his fingers twisted into the fabric and puts Mitch’s hand in his own instead.

“But you’re not a straight girl,” he says quietly.

“I know I’m not. But I could have lived like that. And that way I could have stayed with my family and with Chris and I could have… I could have had a normal life.”

“Mitch, no,” starts Auston but Mitch shakes his head.

“I know I’m being stupid and I love my life now. But sometimes… sometimes I still have this thought stuck in my head and now that I heard Chris say the same thing, I just started to wonder if… if maybe it is not so stupid after all.”

“Your brother says a lot of stupid things though.”

Mitch snorts again but it’s shaky, his voice slowly lacing with held back tears. He is not going to cry, dammit.

“He’s still my brother.”

Auston squeezes his hand.

“Look,” and his voice is suddenly so determined, Mitch has to look up. “I will never pretend that I understand completely what you had to, what you still have to go through. I never truly will. But I also think that I do know you… and you’re not the sort of person who would have been okay with living a lie his whole life just to keep everything nice and comfy. You are exactly who you’re supposed to be and you also had the strength to live your truth and that is honestly the bravest thing anyone could ever do.”

Auston is a little out of breath, fired up and passionate and Mitch… Mitch has no words.

“I…” he starts because he knows he has to say something, anything. “Thank you.”

Auston smiles, lips barely moving but it’s still there, playing on his face like the first ray of sunshine after a long winter.

“Any time.”

They stay silent after that, Auston mindlessly drawing little figures into his palm.

And then he suddenly stops. 

“I’m not sure this is good timing but… I was thinking about telling Willy.”

Mitch did not see this coming. 

“You mean… telling him about us?”

Auston shrugs. “Well, yeah. Mostly about me being, you know, into guys. But also about us.”

Mitch carefully goes through about a thousand things that spring into his mind immediately.

“If you feel like you want him know, then I think you should,” he says finally.

“I think I want him to know about this. About me.” Auston says, finally determined. “Are you okay with that?”

“Of course I am,” says Mitch quickly before Auston could even think about getting discouraged. “I’m with you in this.”

Auston just nods. “Do you want to stop talking about feelings and watch an episode of Cheers?”

“God, yes,” Mitch says a bit more forcefully than intended, but Auston just laughs at him.

And Mitch is not completely okay but Mitch is getting there and that’s enough for now. He doesn’t want to be a drama king anymore, it’s exhausting – he’s happy to be the simple guy watching Netflix on the couch with his boyfriend.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo.... there are a couple things that I feel I should address.... after disappearing for a couple months. Whoops.
> 
> First of all, I am truly sorry about that. Life has been crazy in the past couple months and I have been in one of my biggest writing ruts ever. Life, man, can't really have any bigger (and more vague) excuse than that, eh?
> 
> Secondly... Literally just as I was about to continue this story the whole 'Auston Matthews thing' happened and it really made me think if I even wanted to continue this. If I even could continue this.
> 
> I have shared my thoughts on the issue (read my Open letter to Auston Matthews here: https://upsanddownsfan.squarespace.com/homepage/open-letter-to-auston-matthews if you're interested in that) so I'm not going to go into that here. But even though all that still stands, even though I still don't know how things are between me and Auston at the moment, he is not going to take this story away from me because he was a stupid idiot. He is not going to take hockey away from me and definitely not this story. 
> 
> This story has become such a therapeutic outlet for me and Auston Matthews can pry this away from my dying body. This does not mean that I am excusing his actions - don't get me wrong. It doesn't mean I'm a big fan of his at the moment. But I think stopping this story because of that would be unfair to me and to those who (hopefully) still read this.
> 
> I hope you can understand this but if you don't want to read this anymore I also fully support that.
> 
> Take care of yourselves and go Leafs go.


	17. Mitch plays Chel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh my god, you really are gay,” he says instead and… oh. That’s not good.
> 
> (In which Mitchy plays Chel with some NHL players. Oh and Zach, don't forget about Zach.)

It’s not that Mitch thinks William Nylander is a homophobe but… oh gosh, what if William Nylander is a homophobe?

Or what if he’s okay with gay people – he is European after all, aren’t they supposed to be more liberal? – but he has a problem with trans people?

(Does he even count as European if he was born in Canada though? But then Canada is also pretty liberal, isn’t it? Are all liberal people okay with gay people? Mitch has so many questions.)

But then Auston probably knows him better and if he thinks he’s going to be okay then he is going to be completely fine, A-okay, peachy even. Mitch does not have to worry about a single thing here.

“Quit worrying you idiot, you’re stressing me out,” grumbles Zach and he affectionately slaps Mitch on his arm.

Can you even slap someone affectionately? Apparently so.

The Leafs are playing their last pre-season game and Mitch and Zach decided to take over Auston's apartment in the meantime. Mitch is not living here but... he kind of is living here, who is he kidding? Also, Auston has a nicer place and he obviously actually owns NHL2020 - with him being on the cover and everything. Their presence is completely justified here.

“I’m not worrying,” mumbles Mitch as he desperately tries to come back from the defeat his team is suffering in Chel at the moment. 10-2 in the second period, what the fuck, Auston would be so disappointed in him.

“Sure…” says Zach but when Mitch remains quiet, he sighs and pauses the game.

Auston is cellying on the screen as it freezes, and for a second the only thing Mitch is wondering about is why Zach is the one who gets to play with the Leafs and not him. He has dibs on the Leafs – or at least Auston.

(Or maybe Mitch just doesn’t want to acknowledge the meaningful glances that Zach is throwing his way and thinking about Chel is more simple.)

“Is it about your brother?” asks Zach finally, when he realizes that Mitch is not going to say a word without prompting.

And it’s not like Mitch forgot about his brother after his dramatic exit a week ago. He did think about it a lot and he also ignored all of Chris’ attempts to communicate with him. It’s the opposite of forgetting about the situation.

The thing is… Mitch has no idea what he wants to do. Like he tried to rationalize it, and that didn’t work, and then he tried to just go with his gut feeling but that stupid organ told him like three different things at the same time, so that also definitely did not work. And he talked to Mo and he talked to Auston and even Auston’s mom, and all of them are wonderful people and they are willing to listen and offer advice but that also just… did not work.

Because Mitch knows that it’s up to him what he feels and what he wants to do and not matter how empathetic the people around him are, they just don’t know what it’s really like. 

And Mitch is also starting to realize that it’s not a one-time decision. If he wants to mend this thing with Chris, if Chris wants to mend this thing with him, they both have to make that decision every single day, every single time they speak. It’s not a one-and-done kind of issue – this is a relationship that has been burnt to the ground and then someone also stamped on the pieces for good measure. It will take time if they want it to work – emphasis on the if.

For now though, Mitch does not want to deal with him. He is hurt and he wants to lick his wounds in peace and he would just like to get a couple days where he can take a walk to the Budapest Park and enjoy the last sunshine-filled days of fall before hockey season starts and things get crazy.

(Honestly throw in an almond croissant and he is as happy as they get. He is a simple man.)

Oh, Zach asked a question. Shoot.

“No, it’s…” starts Mitch and for a second, he laments if he should even tell Zach about his stupid worries because he knows Zach will think they are stupid worries, but then he takes a look at Zach’s face and… yeah, he is not getting out of this conversation. “Auston is talking to Willy right now about us. He’s like… coming out to him. Willy. William Nylander.” 

Great fucking job, Mitchell, what the hell, how many other Willy’s does Zach know?

“Oh,” is the only thing Zach says and that is really not reassuring, dude.

“What do you mean ‘oh’?” Mitch asks sharply and his heart is beating a little too fast. “He is going to be okay.”

He sounds fake even to his own hears.

“No, I mean he is going to be fine with it, of course,” says Zach and what the fuck, he was supposed to calm Mitch down and now Mitch is everything but calm.

The pre-season game against the Sens ended almost three hours ago. Auston last message ‘getting some dinner w willy now, wish me luck’ was sent over an hour ago. He could be home any minute and if things really did go wrong… dammit, Mitch has to collect himself. Not even for the sake of keeping his sanity – he has to hold it together for Auston.

“It’s just that… He is a hockey player,” says Zach.

Mitch is really confused for a second. “Uhm, did you forget that Auston is also a hockey player? Not all hockey players are assholes about things like this.”

And honestly, if Zach’s plan was to play some sort of reverse psychology to make Mitch convince himself that things are really going to be just fine, than he is some sort of genius because it actually is working. Sort of.

“I mean, Matthews was also kind of a douche when we first met,” Zach points out and yeah, Mitch is taking back his genius comment, this shit is not working. But before he could agree with any of that, Zach continues: “But I mean, I also understand Auston. You can’t live like that, not telling anyone. And he must know Willy way better than we would. It’s going to be fine.”

And like duh, that’s the exact same thing that Mitch has been saying to himself for hours now but Zach still sounds like he’s trying to convince himself and not Mitch and Mitch is not feeling as confident about this as he should but well, you have to deal with the cards that you’ve been dealt and…

The door opens and the first thing Mitch hears is a loud William Nylander shouting: “Jesus, Matts, why is it so fucking cold in you apartment?”

That… sounds like a good thing?

(Although just for the record, the temperature in Matts’ apartment is completely fine, no matter how many layers Auston ends up wearing on an average day. Arizona boy, that doesn’t count. Willy should be better than that.)

“Oh fuck you Willy, it’s totally fine,” says Auston and yeah, exactly Mitch’s point.

Zach and Mitch share a meaningful look but say nothing. Mitch’s heart is almost thumping in his throat, he’s not even sure if he’s capable of saying anything.  
And then one William Nylander and one Auston Matthews show up in the living room and yeah, in that exact moment things do get very awkward.

(They are both wearing their game day suits and Mitch is so ashamed to admit that even through his panic, his first thought is that Auston looks so unfairly good in that three-piece burgundy suit that would look ridiculous on everyone else and his shoulders are so wide and his eyes are shining and… 

Concentrate, Mitchell, you can wax poetic about Auston’s eyelashes at a later, more convenient time.)

For a second all of them stay silent and Mitch really hopes that someone is going to say something super quickly because it sure as hell won’t be him.

Auston is his knight in shining armour - but did we really expect anything else? Mitch’s life is basically a Disney movie. (He’s not complaining about it as long as there is no choreography he needs to learn.)

“Hey, babe,” he says and he casually walks up to Mitch, presses a light kiss on his cheek like it’s the most normal thing ever. “And hey, Zach. Are you demolishing Mitchy in Chel?”

And thank God for Zach Hyman, again because without missing a beat, he says, “What, no ‘babe’ for me, Matthews? And of course, he is so bad at this.”

“Nah, sweetpea, I’m a faithful man,” says Auston with a smirk and Zach laughs at him while exchanging a fistbump with Auston and Mitch would also totally laugh at that but he’s looking at Willy and he does not like what he sees on his face at all.

“Willy, you want something to drink?” asks Auston and for all his casual act, Mitch can hear that a little worry is seeping into his voice now. He is a good actor – but not that good.

But Willy seems too shell-shocked to even hear the question.

“Oh my god, you really are gay,” he says instead and… oh. That’s not good.

Auston looks at him, confusion written all over his face. “That…. was kind of the point I was trying to make an hour ago when I literally came out to you? Like… this was literally the one and only point I was making?”

“I know,” and Willy honest-to-God seems a little embarrassed now. What is happening?

“So… how is this surprising exactly?” asks Auston. And yeah, Mitch would also like to know that.

“It’s not… surprising,” says Willy. “It’s just… you really are gay.”

He is clearly trying to say something but Mitch is definitely not getting it. Looking at Auston’s expression, he is also not getting it.

“Okay… I…. don’t know what to say? I am gay, that’s like a thing. Are you… going to be okay with this?”

And that seems to bring Willy back from basically gawking at Mitch like he’s staring at a particularly interesting animal in the zoo. Not like a disgusting animal just like one that does something bizarre that you can’t help but watch.

“What? No, of course, I’m fine with that. It just… I feel so stupid. I should have known and I’m pretty sure I said a bunch of stupid things over the years and you never corrected me and…” he starts rambling and the knot in Mitch’s stomach starts to slowly disintegrate. Very slowly.

But then before Auston could say anything, it’s Zach who speaks up.

“Okay, buddy, come on, sit down a bit, I feel like you need to talk about this,” says with the most understanding face ever and kindly pets the couch beside him like he’s asking a puppy to take a seat by his side. Willy goes without any protest, basically sinks into the cushions.

“Mitch, can you get us a couple beers, please?” he asks Zach and it is clearly a dismissal.

Auston and Mitch are out of the living room in about two seconds, turning on the coffee maker and the dishwasher almost immediately – although no one needs coffee at 9 in the evening and the dishwasher is not even half full.

When they can’t even hear murmurs coming from the couch, Mitch finally moves next to Auston who’s leaning against the counter fidgeting with his Gatorade. He can’t seem to open it, so Mitch slowly takes it from his hand to twist the cap off.

“Thanks,” murmurs Auston and after taking a long gulp, he puts the bottle down and extends his hand towards Mitch who basically folds into his arms.

“How was it?” says Mitch into Auston’s suit.

Auston makes a non-committal sound.

“He seemed okay though when you guys came in,” says Mitch.

“I thought he was. When I told him, he seemed super surprised but wasn’t like… you know… disgusted or anything. He actually thought I was joking at first. Like it was a prank or something. But then I guess I wasn’t really… laughing so he apologized and like told all the things you’re supposed to. I was actually kind of surprised how great he was about it. Thanked me for trusting him and asking about you.”

“I guess knowing and seeing it are two different things,” says Mitch when Auston falls silent, clearly still thinking about their dinner. “But he didn’t seem like he had a problem with it, right? I think it was just kind of a shock for him. You are too straight to be… you know…”

“Am I too straight now to be gay?” Auston laughs.

“I mean… I know it seems stupid but I could list like a bunch of hockey players who seem gayer than you do. You know what I’m talking about,” says Mitch and slowly lets Auston go to head towards the fridge.

“I guess,” shrugs Auston. “Do you think they’re done? Are we allowed to go back?”

It’s not a conversation that can be finished in 10 minutes but maybe the best is to just drop Willy into the deep water and see how he reacts to them just… being there.

“Let’s see,” says Mitch and when he starts towards the living room, Auston laces their fingers together.

Showtime.

*

Mitch doesn’t know what magic Zach worked but when they get back Willy seems a bit calmer and he even attempts a smile at Mitch. Though it kind of falters when he spots them holding hands but…. Small victories? 

“So…” Auston starts when they sit down on the couch. Zach and Willy are still sitting next to each other but their buddy-buddy pose is strikingly different compared to the other side where Mitch is leaning into Auston, hands still joined together. “You guys watched the game?”

So they’re trying casual again. Let’s see how long Willy will last now.

“Yeah, good job on the second period, Zach had to remind me it was just a pre-season game because I might have started chanting ‘crush the Sens’ while watching,” says Mitch and pats Auston’s thigh. The blinding smile he gets in return is the best view Mitch has ever had.

“Mitch gets surprisingly aggressive during games, I was honestly a little scared,” Zach quips in.

“It’s called being passionate about something,” says Mitch with a fake-gasp.

“Or about someone,” adds Zach and Mitch blushes a bit. A teeny tiny bit. 

But Willy remains quiet and he’s looking everywhere but at them and Mitch can feel how Auston gradually becomes tenser as the conversation progresses.  
But then Willy speaks up. 

“So how long have you guys been together?” he blurts out suddenly and Zach who was just about to say something slowly closes his mouth.

“A couple months. Since this spring, I told you,” says Auston and his voice is guarded.

“So there was no girlfriend you were hiding? All those lies… that was about him?” asks Willy quietly and for the first time since they started talking, he genuinely sounds hurt.

Zach and Mitch are trying really hard to pretend they don’t exist. (Why didn’t they talk about this over dinner? That was supposed to be the point of getting dinner, just the two of them, jesus. Is Mitch a bad person if he does not want to hear this? He probably is.)

Auston slowly nods. “I wasn’t ready to tell you and you kept asking…”

“I kept asking because you are basically my best friend here,” Willy snaps and Auston seems a little taken aback. “But apparently it wasn’t mutual.”

Oh my gosh, is this what he was so upset about? Things are starting to make so much more sense now.

“It was. It is. You know that.” In Willy's defense, it doesn't seem like he actually knew that, Matthews.

Willy takes a deep breath. 

Auston open his mouth and Mitch thinks he’s going to apologize but he says nothing. Mitch’s glad.

“Are you going to be okay? Because I need you to be okay with this.”

“Matts, I genuinely do not care if you are into guys or dicks or whatever.” Mitch is trying very hard not to wince at that. “Just… tell me next time, okay?”

“I promise, next time I realize I’m gay, I will tell you,” Auston deadpans and it finally makes the mood a bit lighter in the whole room like someone opened the window and the gush of wind swept everything bad away.

“Cool,” Willy says and he looks like he wants to add something but decides against it. Instead, he looks at the screen that still has a frozen-in-a-celly Auston on it. 

“Chel? Lovebirds against us, buddy?” Willy says finally poking Zach in the shoulder and everyone springs into motion.

“Oh, you’re going down,” says Auston and tosses his suit jacket away.

“Matts, you have Mitchy on your team,” says Zach and how dare he? The audacity.

“Shit, you’re right, we are so going down,” agrees Auston as he smirks at Mitchy and why is everyone ganging up against him?

But Willy starts laughing at Mitch’s outraged face and then Zach joins in and you know what?

Mitch is actually really, really okay with this.

(20 minutes later, when Mitch and Aus are down by 5 goals, Zach and Willy chirping the Marntthews family, Mitch could even say that he is happy with this.)

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, happy National Coming Out day to everyone - whether you are still in the closet or out and proud. Mitchy loves you and so do I.

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the amazing song that is The Village by Wrabel.
> 
> Please, please, I'm begging for feedback and attention. Be kind to me.
> 
> Shoutout to my wonderful beta @sallycake for being the best.
> 
> I'm @wewintogetherwelosetogether on Tumblr, come and shout at me about stupid sportspeople.


End file.
